By GottaLaff
Oh goody. KKKarl wrote all about Dickless McHeartStent in his new book. I'm sure every word he's written is true and accurate.
Of the heartless, by the heartless:The parts of the 516-page book that cover the selection of Cheney as Bush's running mate suggest that the longtime Republican insider was not comfortable when offered the position.
Neither were we.
"Bush surprised Cheney by asking him to think about becoming his running mate. Cheney said he'd consider it but wasn't certain it was a good idea for Bush or for him."
Oh yes, I'm sure that's just how it went down:
Bush: Whaddya say you run for president, DickHead?
Dickless: You mean vice president, don't you?
Bush: Hehheh, nope. But that'll be my new nickname for ya. Vice President DickHead. But we'll keep that to ourselves. We're like that, me and you. Sym-pat-ic-o. Kinda like conspirators, heheheh. Accessories under the fact.
"Some people have suggested that Cheney engineered his own selection. This is far-fetched. I saw the man squirm as Bush pressed him to accept," Rove writes.
Bush: Whoa, DickHead, yer gittin' all squirmy on me. What's up, a-mi-go?
Dickless: "Vice" president. Too many things wrong with that. F*** "vice".
Bush: Hold up there, chief. You'll be holdin' the reins. Yer the head honcho. Oo! Oo! I know what'll convince ya!
Dickless: For chrissake, George, STFU.
Bush: Nonono, yer gonna like this. Lissen up: I'll bomb Iraq. Ya got my word. To smithereens. And then we'll move on to Iran. Man, this is gonna be a blast! Hey, didja see what I did there? The little play on words? Blast? Bombs? Heheheheheheheh!
Dickless: Deal. ... And never, ever, call me amigo again... for your own good. Just thinking of you, junior. Need you to stay in one piece if I'm gonna be surreptitiously running the damn country.
Bush: What's shrubterishously mean?
Dickless: STFU.
"Cheney had a clear understanding of what John Nance Garner, FDR's first vice president, had said about the office - that it was 'not worth a bucket of warm piss.' Cheney was too much of a patriot to act on that knowledge."
Yeah, Cheney's too much of a patriot to avoid the "warm piss" reference. But not too much of a patriot to avoid telling Pat Leahy to f*** himself. What a stand up guy.