MSNBC: Preen forward #OhButIKid

 

Oh, but I kid MSNBC. I watch it every single day, and despite it being the only major cable news outlet I can tolerate (or appreciate), there are a few observations that I can no longer keep to myself. Gotta vent. Here's my (satirical) take on MSNBC daytime:

MSNBC Host 1: So welcome to my very own show. So, today's guests are Goldie Taylor, Howard Fineman, David Corn, Joan Walsh, Michael Steele, Jonathan Alter, Michael Eric Dyson, Nicolle Wallace, Mark Halperin, Michael Isikoff, Jonathan Capehart, Kasie Hunt, Eugene Robinson, Ezra Klein, Dave Weigel, Steve Schmidt, and all my fellow MSNBC hosts who are all here to talk about their very own shows! Every single one of them. So have I told you guys what a great job you do? GOD you're good. You all excel at your jobs! To call you stellar doesn't do you justice! I'm so proud to call you "colleagues."

Chuck Todd, Steve Kornacki, Alex Wagner, Chris Hayes, Joy Reid, Ronan Farrow, Krystal Ball, Karen Finney, Melissa Harris-Perry, Ari Melber: So, thank you, my friend! So, congratulations to us! So, group hug to Camera Three!

MSNBC Host 2: So when we return, we'll explore why every MSNBC commentator begins each thought with, "So..." We'll be back in 15 minutes after these messages from Cialis, Cymbalta, Lipitor, Abilify, Celebrex, Humira, Nasonex, and Lyrica.

Chuck Todd, Steve Kornacki, Alex Wagner, Chris Hayes, Joy Reid, Ronan Farrow, Krystal Ball, Karen Finney, Melissa Harris-Perry, Ari Melber: So you forgot AT&T, BP, Exxon, Citibank, catheters, vaginal dryness meds, and Christian Mingle!

One hour later...

MSNBC Host 2: So here to help us make some sense of our top story is the host of [insert any MSNBC daytime show here]. Thanks for being here, Other Host.

Other MSNBC Host: So I'm honored, my friend. You are awesome.

MSNBC Host 2: So no, YOU are, my friend.

Other MSNBC Host: No, YOU! So.

Luke Russert: Um, hello? So did somebody forget to intro Tim Russert's trying-to-fill-his-father's-big-shoes son over here on the monitor? So I've got an exclusive I'm dying to break right here on your very own show, MSNBC Host 2!

MSNBC Host 2: So we could never forget YOU, Luke, my friend, my brother. What's your scoop? You always have the BEST scoops! GOD you're good.

Luke: So, so are you. You are a FABULOUS host, as are you, Other MSNBC Host. You two are superb at everything you do. Nobody does it better. So I'm in tears. Seriously. So how cool is it that we're all such good friends? So who knew being this incestuous could pay so well?

MSNBC Host 2: So tell us your scoop, Amazingly Adept Luke, my brother, my friend, MSNBC's own Sage of Washington DC, Our Capitol Hill Crusader! So don't you just love these obvious displays of public camaraderie? It's like our own private little club! So whatcha got, my friend?

Luke: Well crap. I forgot.

MSNBC Host 2: So we'll be back right after these words from Cialis, Cymbalta, Lipitor, Abilify, Celebrex, Axiron, Humira, Nasonex, Lyrica,  AT&T, BP, Exxon, Citibank, catheters, vaginal dryness meds, Febreze, Aleve, Verizon, Samsung, Cliffside Malibu Rehab Center, Christian Mingle, GE, financial groups you've never heard of, and endless promos of other MSNBC programming and the new MSNBC website!

One hour later...

MSNBC Host 3: So now for more repetitive analysis, welcome back to the hosts of all of our other fantastic shows. You all do such great work. Nobody does it better than you, my friends. GREAT reporting! You all look GREAT! Our audiences should be tuning into each of your shows every single day and night, no matter what effect that much exposure to redundant political infotainment has on their personal relationships!

Chuck Todd, Steve Kornacki, Alex Wagner, Chris Hayes, Joy Reid, Ronan Farrow, Krystal Ball, Karen Finney, Melissa Harris-Perry, Ari Melber: So Rachel has a very special Special coming up! Let's plug it! Over and over and over again!

MSNBC Host 3: I was just about to. But first, may I just say, you guys really set a high bar for journalistic standards. GREAT reporting, guys! But now it's time for the Tweet of the Day from Chris Matthews, MSNBC's very own god. But first: So when is Ezra Klein getting his own show already? He may put us to sleep in seconds, but he does such incredibly GREAT work! GREAT reporting! What a find! Am I right, my friends? Hey Farrow, stop giggling. So I'll get your responses to this and more on the other side of the commercial break. We have a new sponsor: ZzzKlein, er, Quil.

Fade out.

(Laffy Note: I didn't forget to include Lawrence O'Donnell, Chris Matthews, Ed Schultz, or Rachel Maddow in the Long Host List. While they do pop in on election nights or to promote a special or a book occasionally, they rarely guest on other shows as commentators/panel members.)

Tuh-weet! Palin lectures media on credibility

By GottaLaff

Who better than BaldFace McSpewLies to lecture the media on credibility:


The media expert has spoken. In fact, Half-Gov McHypocrite never stopped speaking, ever. Oh, except when the media asked her to, repeatedly, during Election 2008.

Hey LameScream McEthicless: Want 2 earn some credibility? U hammered the "lame stream" media 4 doing their job in '08, but ignored them when they revealed you to be a complete nitwit. Change that.

H/t: EmeraldKnight76

Inevitable: Levi Johnston Writing Book on Palin

By GottaLaff

Levi Johnston has a story to tell. You know that, I know that, everyone knows that. The question is, what will he say, will what he says be credible, and when will he say it?

According to Levi, he will tell the "true story of the Palin household."

A brief excerpt from Mike Allen: "Sarah Palin is a singular national industry... This January, she signed a three-year contributor deal with Fox News worth $1 million a year, according to people familiar with the deal... Nowadays, for both poles of the political spectrum but especially for the right, politics is a business -- the entertainment business... It was Fox's Roger Ailes who had the insight that the American right was an underserved market, one with a powerful kind of brand loyalty."

Now Levi hopes to profit off of McLipSchmutz Inc.

Levi:

“When she lost, I knew exactly what she was gonna do,” he says. “The whole time she was getting big-money offers for book and TV shows. I was like, All right, she’s gonna pick that up. It was just a matter of time before she quit."

As for politics being a business, the unfortunate extension of that is that news has become infotainment. Punditiocy has replaced solid reporting, commercialism has replaced, well, just about everything... which is so Foxed up.

(via)

"The mainstream media have been complicit in legitimizing" Tea Baggers

By GottaLaff

Via an L.A. Times letter to the editor:

People of color who've observed the ascent of the so-called tea party movement didn't need a poll to tell them that this spasm is merely a racist backlash to the election of the nation's first African American president.

By failing to critique the tea party's Obama-as-socialist/illegal alien/terrorist rhetoric, the mainstream media have been complicit in legitimizing these canards.
The "anti-government" propaganda that the tea party spews about the healthcare overhaul was never in evidence during George W. Bush's massive expansion of government spending. And the privileged all-white tea party mobs who storm the Capitol in "outrage" over the Wall Street bailout have never felt motivated to challenge the GOP's welfare-for-corporate-America, free-enterprise-for-the-poor platform.

That just about covers it.

Sarah Palin: Glenn Beck's "chalkboard technique changing our country"

By GottaLaff

Babbles McPreScreen has a few pre-existing conditions, only hers have nothing to do with her health. Well, maybe her mental health.

No, this is all about Bush envy and controlling the media. Bendy straws were a prerequisite for he university keynote screeching, and pre-screening questions was a must for her latest little Q and A fest.

She has clearly run out of hands to write on, realizes that risky, off the cuff word salad won't cut it, and is now doing her level best to fill Boy Georgie's teensy weensy inept little media-restricting shoes.

Welcome to liberal-leaning Eugene, Oregon, Babbles:

"It's the belief that the government who governs least governs best," she said.

That should win 'em right over. Try again. This time be more convincing:

“I eat granola,” Palin said. “I just happen to shoot and catch my organic food before I eat it.”

“Here I am in Track Town USA and my kid’s name is Track. How Eugene hippie can that be?” she added.

Thud.

Then she dissed "Obamacare." Way to win a more progressive crowd over, Ace. Okay, there's still hope. Maybe she could make it up to them by throwing them an environment bone:

She also called for drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and addressed head-on environmentalists against her plan. She argued America has more stringent environmental restrictions than many of the foreign governments we currently rely on for oil.

“So environmentalists are kind of hypocritical on this one,” she said. “I don’t know how environmentalists can sleep at night.”

Ooooo, wrong answer.

There's still time for her to make it up to them, though. I'm sure Babbles will toss them a bone or two. Who would be so stupid and tone deaf that they would refuse to dish up one measly little overture?

Palin accused the media of being inextricably linked to the political left.

“Sometimes they are kind of one in the same,” she said. “We call them the 'lame-stream' media lately.”

See, that's not what I meant. Okay, one more shot. Try again, Babbles. Offer that paying crowd of yours a crumb or two.

She said the media has been unfair to the tea party movement, going so far as to say they make up lies about tea party supporters.

No, no! You're not getting this at all!

“The left, well, they had to grab hold of something to discredit,” she said. “The press then just started making things up. I’ve had to deal with that for quite some time now.”

Deep breath.

She must have one redeeming quality, just one. Maybe she'll have a moment of spontaneity during which we'll discover something good and kind and reasonable and....

During a question and answer session, Eugene City Councilwoman Jennifer Solomon read a pre-screened question from the audience about her role at Fox News. Palin said she was proud to be a part of Fox News for being “fair and balanced.”

Never mind.

She also praised Fox host Glenn Beck and said with “his chalkboard technique he’s changing our country."

And if all that isn't bad enough, journalists were not allowed to use cameras or any other kind of recording device. They were only allowed to watch her speak [sic] on a live video feed... from another room.

One-- count 'em, one-- photo--taken by a hired photographer-- was given out. One.

All this and less could be had for $250 a pop. Yep, 800 people paid that much. And some of them had to settle for a video feed from a separate room at... $100. Yes, they paid a hundred bucks to watch her on TV.

To add insult to injury, 70 people shelled out a thousand smackeroos for a photo op with her. But, hey, that included a copy of her book.

Glenn Beck would be proud.

H/t: Palingate

Insurrection on the Potomac: The Gun Guys Go Seditious

By GottaLaff

Your Daily Dose of BuzzFlash, via my buddy Mark Karlin:

The politically charged gun movement in America that began when right wing ideologues took over the NRA in the '70s (in what was called "The Revolt at Cincinnati") has been pathological from the beginning. [...]

Ironically, as pro-gun legislation is passing across the land and in Washington, the Virginia gun guy "protest" was held on National Park land that now allows handgun carrying because of a law signed by President Obama -- and most of the attendees were locked and loaded.

At both rallies, the talk was defiant and seditious, threatening [...]

There were only a few hundred gun nuts who showed up at each rally, but that was enough to get a scrum of media coverage, as compared to the barely covered 200,000 advocates who showed up in D.C. a couple weeks back to protest for a compassionate immigration policy.

The modern gun lobby -- after the political right wingers took over the NRA in a coup -- is more about white male entitlement, racism, and the false perception that a handgun would be of much value against the United States Military based on a paranoid view of the federal government. [...]

They certainly didn't protest the invasion of privacy on multiple levels under the Bush Administration.

Please read the whole thing here.

Sen. Franken awakens AG Holder to Comcast/NBCU issue

By GottaLaff

A little reminder, via Wiki:

On December 3, 2009, GE and US cable TV operator Comcast announced a buyout agreement for NBC Universal. If the transaction completes, and pending regulatory approval, Comcast would own 51% of NBC Universal while GE would own 49%.

Al Franken has a thing or two to say about that, and A.G. Holder's ears perked up.

US Attorney General Eric Holder thought he was in a Senate Judiciary hearing about Guantanamo Bay – but Sen. Al Franken (D-MN) took the opportunity to grill the AG about the DOJ review of the proposed merger of Comcast and NBCU. Holder was circumspect, but did confess to being interested as a private citizen thanks to his status as Comcast subscriber.

Franken expressed concerns about the merger, according to a Washington Post Report, including the possibility of setting off a wave of similar mergers between other media giants that could leave the nation with essentially five sources of information.

As it stands now, we could do with a few more sources of information. America is already woefully ill-informed. And an misinformed, uninformed, dumbed-down electorate is the downfall of democracy.

If I sound like a broken record, it's because it is vital that this message get repeated over and over again until enough people hear it, believe it, and do something about it.

Electing Al Franken was a great first step.

H/t: Al Franken on Twitter

VIDEO- Jon Stewart to Fox: "Go f*** yourselves"

By GottaLaff

Jon Stewart does the "news"...

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Tea America
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

...as nobody else can.

Attention ClusterFox: Is South Carolina a Muslim state?!

By GottaLaff

Earlier, Paddy posted a ClusterFox video in which there was much fretting and finger-pointing about our obviously Muslim president trying to sneak some ultra super duper secret brainwashing propaganda into the Nuclear Security Summit logo.

But oops, our pal Joeyess stumbled upon some extra special wholesome newsy goodness: the State Flag of South Carolina:



There goes the neighborhood....

More US military personnel have taken their OWN lives than have died in action

By GottaLaff



According to wsws.org, in the last year more than 330 US armed forces members committed suicide. More than have been killed by the enemy. We don't hear much about this, do we? It isn't pleasant. It makes us remember another side of war, the personal one. The one that takes lives when bullets and IEDs don't.

Suicide is not painless. Not to family members, not to fellow troops, not to friends, and not to the person who succumbs to it, who are in more pain than they might let on:

What these figures should tell us is that there is something fundamentally deranged about Washington's "war on terror" - which is probably why western news media prefer to ignore the issue. How damning is it about such military campaigns that the number of US soldiers who take their own lives outnumber those killed by enemy combatants.

What is even more disturbing is that the official figures only count victims of suicide among serving personnel. Not included are the many more veterans - officially classed a civilians - who take their own lives.

This needs to be covered more. That it hasn't been is an example of egregious negligence by the media.

And thank you to all our service members and their friends and families. I can't begin to imagine the horrors they've witnessed or the pain they've had to endure.

"This Week on ABC" to be fact-checked

By GottaLaff

From the Department of It's About Time:

This week we’ve invited Pulitzer Prize winning website PolitiFact to fact-check the newsmaker interviews featured on the program.

The idea was first proposed by NYU journalism professor Jay Rosen and I thought it worth a try. PolitiFact editor Bill Adair, the St Petersburg Times’ Washington bureau chief, and I know each other from fact-checking forums and such (I was at the Fact Check desk during the 2004 elections) so I asked him if he’d be willing to give it a try. He was.

This is something many of us have been begging for for years now. You'd think "news" programs would have fact checked on their own and not have to be convinced to do so by NYU journalism professor Jay Rosen... back in 2009.

You'd also think that news oriented programs would do their level best to get the facts right in the first place. Instead, they go out of their way to prove how fair they can be by inviting opposing sides with opposing voices to over talk each other to prove their opposing points.

Facts have very little to do with it. Ratings do. Working their audiences into a lather does, because that generates higher ratings. And generating higher ratings leads to generating more money.

However, it does very little to educate viewers. And as I keep saying, an uninformed electorate means the end of a real democracy. Voters cast ballots for candidates who have more money, bigger megaphones, and effective messaging.

Please note that I did not say accurate messaging, but effective.

If viewers were knowledgeable and could spot misinformation more readily, they would be less likely to support those who disseminate it. And they would be much less likely to watch so-called "news" shows that push it.

So, kudos to This Week, but come on, it shouldn't have taken this long to do something as fundamental as busting the liars. And the idea that they have to boast about it suggests that, until now, many haven't been exactly reliable, trustworthy sources of information.

All you need to know about the Tiger Woods presser

By GottaLaff

Most important news story of the day, apparently:

Tiger says he's having a great day. He is speaking. He's doing his best to look serious and solemn. He went astray. His family has been harassed. Poor him. He's different now. He plays golf.

There. I covered it.

Laffy on the radio: The Nicole Sandler Show VIDEO- March 31, 2010

By GottaLaff



My segment starts at about the 30 minute mark.

Nicole Sandler is a pleasure to talk to. It's like a couple of pals gabbing our heads off, a sort of stream of consciousness.

Thank you, Nicole, for putting me at ease and making a half hour fly by!

VIDEO-Helen Thomas: Most press rolled over, played dead, gung-ho for war during Bush years

By GottaLaff



After Helen Thomas persisted in asking Boy Georgie why he went to war, he "shut down" completely when it came to calling on her.

They press is "emboldened" now, with President Obama, she says.

She wants to know what Obama believes in [slightly paraphrased]:

"Where is his courage?"

"He should give up on bipartisanship, just fight for what he believes in. [...] He has great integrity and conviction, but he wants to be liked."

She also says we're "in a depression, not a recession."

Poll-itics: The truth about health care reform poll numbers

By GottaLaff

I do believe I've posted about this very thing twice today. Here are the latest numbers:

A new CNN poll finds that Americans oppose the current health care reform plan passed by Congess, 59 to 39%.

However, parsing the numbers shows that many of those against the plan actually oppose it because "it is not liberal enough." In fact, 52% of Americans either support the current legislation or think it should be more liberal, while only 43% oppose the plan saying it is "too liberal."

However, no matter what I post, or what CNN posts, or what you read, the not-at-all-biased media will continue to push the lie that America disapproves of the health care bill.

They must really thrive on drama. And drama creates ratings. But still...

Now why else would they continue their shoddy reporting? Think.. think...

Who sponsors their shows...?

Rep. Patrick Kennedy: “There would be no coverage had I not raised my voice"

By GottaLaff



Original post of this video here.

Boyoboy does Patrick Kennedy nail it. Unless we scream louder than the next guy, get a little theatrical, wave our arms, and make our point emphatically, nobody seems to hear us (which by the way, is the reason I started the Blunt webisodes):

“I understand there’s a certain amount of political theater and opportunity, and the press only covers it if you will raise your voice,” Kennedy said. “There would be no coverage had I not raised my voice, and there needed to be coverage or else it would have been drowned out.”

I find it ironic that Kennedy had to resort to screaming for a little coverage of his excellent points, but RedState's Erick Erickson will get all the free publicity he can hope for over at CNN, now that he's hooked up with TWPNTOTV!!!*

*The Worst Political News Team on Television

VIDEO: Rep. Patrick Kennedy rips into 24/7 scandal coverage

By GottaLaff

Patrick Kennedy going off on the House floor:

From C-SPAN coverage of the House floor 3/10/10, Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-RI) remarks on withdrawing U.S. troops from Afghanistan. He references the press gallery and ex-Rep. Eric Massa (D-NY).

"We're talking about Eric Massa 24/7 on the TV?!"

Bingo.

Maddow VIDEO mocking Liz Cheney; "From Murrow to Blitzer"

By GottaLaff

Greg Sargent has posted a one-liner that caused me to smile and grimace simultaneously.

That must have looked really weird.

But seriously, I had previously posted a screen grab of the "Dep't. of Jihad" chyron that appeared under Wolf Blitzer as he inadvertently confirmed CNN's adherence to the Peter Principle.

Now check out Greg's mini-post:

Glenn Greenwald stacks Wolf Blitzer up against Edward R. Murrow, and finds the comparison somewhat wanting.

Please follow that link. Here's a snippet:

[M]odern political journalism -- at best the vile McCarthyite campaign was going to be presented in the standard "each-side-says" format which defines modern journalistic "objectivity" [...]

In other words, "some say" serve as legitimate sources, and punditiot panels provide "debate". Facts have very little to do with the news any more. As long as two sides duke it out, and ratings don't drop drastically, hey, we're good.

Below is Rachel Maddow's take. She made me crack up/grimace even more.

Which must have looked even weirder.

From yesterday:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Quickie: Yoo v. Tiger edition

By GottaLaff

Today's Quickie:

There was a lengthy three-person panel discussion about Tiger Wood's apology worship on the Tee Vee Machine this morning, preceded and followed by extensive reporting on the subject.

There were no panels, three-person or otherwise, about our Department of Justice [sic] allowing torture architects John Yoo and Jay Bybee to skate.

Manufactured contrition for serial boinking monopolizes the air waves. The complete lack of contrition (or consequences) for war crimes gets a brief mention.

Such is the state of the news [sic] media... and our justice system.

That was today's Quickie. Was it good for you?

PhotOh! CNN Fail

By GottaLaff

Via socratic, who has provided wonderful visual enhancement to my Church of Tiger Woods post:

(click on image to enlarge)

H/t: DCPlod