MSNBC: Preen forward #OhButIKid

 

Oh, but I kid MSNBC. I watch it every single day, and despite it being the only major cable news outlet I can tolerate (or appreciate), there are a few observations that I can no longer keep to myself. Gotta vent. Here's my (satirical) take on MSNBC daytime:

MSNBC Host 1: So welcome to my very own show. So, today's guests are Goldie Taylor, Howard Fineman, David Corn, Joan Walsh, Michael Steele, Jonathan Alter, Michael Eric Dyson, Nicolle Wallace, Mark Halperin, Michael Isikoff, Jonathan Capehart, Kasie Hunt, Eugene Robinson, Ezra Klein, Dave Weigel, Steve Schmidt, and all my fellow MSNBC hosts who are all here to talk about their very own shows! Every single one of them. So have I told you guys what a great job you do? GOD you're good. You all excel at your jobs! To call you stellar doesn't do you justice! I'm so proud to call you "colleagues."

Chuck Todd, Steve Kornacki, Alex Wagner, Chris Hayes, Joy Reid, Ronan Farrow, Krystal Ball, Karen Finney, Melissa Harris-Perry, Ari Melber: So, thank you, my friend! So, congratulations to us! So, group hug to Camera Three!

MSNBC Host 2: So when we return, we'll explore why every MSNBC commentator begins each thought with, "So..." We'll be back in 15 minutes after these messages from Cialis, Cymbalta, Lipitor, Abilify, Celebrex, Humira, Nasonex, and Lyrica.

Chuck Todd, Steve Kornacki, Alex Wagner, Chris Hayes, Joy Reid, Ronan Farrow, Krystal Ball, Karen Finney, Melissa Harris-Perry, Ari Melber: So you forgot AT&T, BP, Exxon, Citibank, catheters, vaginal dryness meds, and Christian Mingle!

One hour later...

MSNBC Host 2: So here to help us make some sense of our top story is the host of [insert any MSNBC daytime show here]. Thanks for being here, Other Host.

Other MSNBC Host: So I'm honored, my friend. You are awesome.

MSNBC Host 2: So no, YOU are, my friend.

Other MSNBC Host: No, YOU! So.

Luke Russert: Um, hello? So did somebody forget to intro Tim Russert's trying-to-fill-his-father's-big-shoes son over here on the monitor? So I've got an exclusive I'm dying to break right here on your very own show, MSNBC Host 2!

MSNBC Host 2: So we could never forget YOU, Luke, my friend, my brother. What's your scoop? You always have the BEST scoops! GOD you're good.

Luke: So, so are you. You are a FABULOUS host, as are you, Other MSNBC Host. You two are superb at everything you do. Nobody does it better. So I'm in tears. Seriously. So how cool is it that we're all such good friends? So who knew being this incestuous could pay so well?

MSNBC Host 2: So tell us your scoop, Amazingly Adept Luke, my brother, my friend, MSNBC's own Sage of Washington DC, Our Capitol Hill Crusader! So don't you just love these obvious displays of public camaraderie? It's like our own private little club! So whatcha got, my friend?

Luke: Well crap. I forgot.

MSNBC Host 2: So we'll be back right after these words from Cialis, Cymbalta, Lipitor, Abilify, Celebrex, Axiron, Humira, Nasonex, Lyrica,  AT&T, BP, Exxon, Citibank, catheters, vaginal dryness meds, Febreze, Aleve, Verizon, Samsung, Cliffside Malibu Rehab Center, Christian Mingle, GE, financial groups you've never heard of, and endless promos of other MSNBC programming and the new MSNBC website!

One hour later...

MSNBC Host 3: So now for more repetitive analysis, welcome back to the hosts of all of our other fantastic shows. You all do such great work. Nobody does it better than you, my friends. GREAT reporting! You all look GREAT! Our audiences should be tuning into each of your shows every single day and night, no matter what effect that much exposure to redundant political infotainment has on their personal relationships!

Chuck Todd, Steve Kornacki, Alex Wagner, Chris Hayes, Joy Reid, Ronan Farrow, Krystal Ball, Karen Finney, Melissa Harris-Perry, Ari Melber: So Rachel has a very special Special coming up! Let's plug it! Over and over and over again!

MSNBC Host 3: I was just about to. But first, may I just say, you guys really set a high bar for journalistic standards. GREAT reporting, guys! But now it's time for the Tweet of the Day from Chris Matthews, MSNBC's very own god. But first: So when is Ezra Klein getting his own show already? He may put us to sleep in seconds, but he does such incredibly GREAT work! GREAT reporting! What a find! Am I right, my friends? Hey Farrow, stop giggling. So I'll get your responses to this and more on the other side of the commercial break. We have a new sponsor: ZzzKlein, er, Quil.

Fade out.

(Laffy Note: I didn't forget to include Lawrence O'Donnell, Chris Matthews, Ed Schultz, or Rachel Maddow in the Long Host List. While they do pop in on election nights or to promote a special or a book occasionally, they rarely guest on other shows as commentators/panel members.)

Mid Day Distraction

Videos- David Axelrod on The Tonight Show

Afternoon Distraction

President Obama to appear on 1,000 episode of "American's Most Wanted"

Cue the right wing cracks about his birth certificate.

President Barack Obama is going to help TV's "America's Most Wanted" mark the milestone broadcast of its 1,000th episode.

Obama will be interviewed by the show's host, John Walsh, on the episode airing 9 p.m. ET Saturday on Fox.

The president will discuss the show's impact in its 22 years as well as his administration's anti-crime initiatives, including those involving white-collar crime, Fox said Wednesday.

Sanford Divorce Televised

By GottaLaff

As the Stomach Turns:

The Charleston Post and Courier reports the final divorce hearing for South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford (R) will be televised tomorrow with Jenny Sanford taking the witness stand to explain why her marriage is over.

As many as three television outlets have showed an interest in being in the courtroom Friday, some looking to broadcast live.

I'm glad there won't be reruns.

Mid Day Distraction

I seriously had no clue.

Health Care Watch: GOP won't play if they can't get their own way

By GottaLaff

AMERICABlog has the whole thing (via Roll Call, which is subscription only), but the gist is, the Republicans won't go to the bipartisan [sic] health care meeting (my post about that is here) unless the White House considers scrapping the health care bills, plus they say reconciliation is off the table.

Here's the excerpt we can access:

In a tersely worded letter to White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel on Monday, Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) and Minority Whip Eric Cantor (R-Va.) wrote that Republicans “would rightly be reluctant” to participate in the Feb. 25 bipartisan health care meeting if the White House refused to consider scrapping the current health care reform bills.

Keith Olbermann also just reported the news on Countdown.

Remember when Sarah Palin talked about bipartisanship in her little speech?

Yeah, I couldn't stop laughing either.

Live! From D.C.! It's the Obama-GOP health care summit!

By GottaLaff

This should be interesting viewing:

President Obama made a dramatic attempt to jump-start the stalled health care debate Sunday, inviting Republicans in Congress to a half-day summit on the subject to be televised live later this month. [...]

Obama challenged Republicans to come to the discussion armed with their best ideas for how to cover more Americans and fix the health insurance system. [...]

Best ideas? How about any ideas?

Although The Boehner said he's "pleased that the White House finally seems interested in a real, bipartisan conversation on health care" (um, excuse me, huh, whaa?), and that the existing bills should be "scrapped", the White House says, uh-uh:

"This is not starting over," one White House official said. "Don't make any mistake about that. We are coming with our plan. They can bring their plan."

If they do, they'll be packing awfully light. As in, empty. As in nada.

BREAKING: Court blocks video coverage of Prop. 8 trial

By GottaLaff

Breaking via an L.A. Times news alert:

Court blocks video coverage of Prop. 8 trial

The Supreme Court today blocked video coverage of the trial in San Francisco testing the constitutionality of California's Prop. 8 and its ban on same-sex marriage.

The court acted on an emergency appeal filed Saturday by the lawyers defending Prop. 8. They said their rights to a fair trial could be jeopardized if the proceedings were put on YouTube.

More soon at: http://www.latimes.com

Banging head on nearest wall.

MSNBC Cancels 'Dr. Nancy'

Thank you jeebus. Now if they get Andrea Mitchell a teleprompter reading coach, bring back Carlos Watson and give Shuster a solid 2 hour block it'll finally be the perfect news channel.

Breaking: TVNewser has learned MSNBC has canceled "Dr. Nancy" the NoonET health/medical show hosted by Dr. Nancy Snynderman.

The cancellation of "Dr. Nancy" is yet another daytime programming move by MSNBC, which has fallen to 4th and, on some days, 5th place in the daytime ratings. Last week, the network announced it was moving Dylan Ratigan from two hours in the morning (9-11amET) to one hour in the afternoon (4pmET), beginning next month.

(snip)

NBC's White House correspondents Chuck Todd and Savannah Guthrie will begin anchoring a 9amET hour next month.

Dr. Nancy's final show was actually last Thursday. Since then, the NoonET hour has, and will continue to be, a traditional news hour, with a rotation of anchors. Dr. Snyderman continues as NBC's chief medical editor.

Evening Distraction

Yipes, that Jack Bauer is a hardass.

Meredith Baxter announces she's a lesbian

But, but, "Bridget Loves Bernie"**!!

LOS ANGELES, Dec. 2 (UPI) -- U.S. television actress Meredith Baxter told People magazine she is a lesbian and began dating women seven years ago.

Baxter, 62, has been married to three men, but the marriages all ended in divorce. The real-life mother of five adult children is best known for her work on the 1980s sit-com "Family Ties."

"I'm a lesbian mom," she told People, adding that until several years ago being gay "had never crossed my mind."

(snip)

"I was never comfortable with myself," she explained. "That doesn't mean I was questioning."

Baxter went on to say she has been living with building contractor Nancy Locke for the past two years.

"I feel like I'm being honest for the first time," she told the magazine.

**Wow, from the wiki page I find out that BLB was canceled after one season solely because of complaints about the inter religious marriage, and was the highest rated tv show ever canceled.

Mid Day Distraction

What a bizarre, news free day. It's interesting to see Jones out of character. My nominee for headline of the day-

Craig Ferguson draws more 18-49 viewers than Jimmy Fallon for first time
Looks good on ya Craigy.

TV violence vs. women up 120% (400% against teen girls)

By GottaLaff

Some progress, huh? What ever happened to "You've come a long way, baby"?

The Parents Television Council reports that women and girls are victimized more often and more brutally in television programming than ever before. The study, "Women in Peril: A Look at TV's Disturbing New Storyline Trend," reads in part:

"Incidents of violence against women and teenage girls are increasing on television at rates that far exceed the overall increases in violence on television. Violence, irrespective of gender, on television increased only 2% from 2004 to 2009, while incidents of violence against women increased 120% during that same period."

The report also says, "Although female victims were primarily of adult age, collectively, there was a 400% increase in the depiction of teen girls as victims across all networks from 2004 to 2009."

The reports can be found at www.parentstv.org

If your family casually watches brutality and accepts it is as "entertaining," then you are part of the problem.

What is the situation in your home? Are you allowing women and girls to be "virtually" beaten, raped and threatened in your family room? Are sex acts and violence taking place in front of a vulnerable audience of ... your own children?

Gee, at least today women can kill themselves with cigarettes just like their male counterparts. Pfft, what are we complaining about? We're nearly equal to the men folk now! Who needs to be victimized when we have all that and more?

Michelle Bachmann is everywhere

I knew it felt like it, but apparently there's proof. Via Taegan.

If you thought you were seeing Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) a lot on cable news, it's because she has been on a lot, CQ Politics reports.

A new study finds that the Minnesota Republican, who has a penchant for making controversial statements, has made 22 appearances on national cable news programs so far this year, matching her total number of appearances for all of 2008. That's one every 9.1 days.

MSNBC Tests New Graphics Look Ahead of Monday's HD Debut

I'm a creature of habit, so it's been bugging me to no end. Plus the typeface seems much smaller, either that or my eyesight is worse than I thought... Monday will bring the new line up too.

This morning, MSNBC's live programming is using the new HD-ready graphics look, which is very different than what the network had been using. I'm not a graphics expert so indulge me -- they are using a brighter cream-colored background and have added an upper bar with the networks' "The Place for Politics" branding, followed by the live bug, and date, and then the MSNBC logo, upper right. The lower third banners are more compact. The ticker remains, as a scroll, unlike CNN's "Flipper." It's a cleaner more modern look. And moving the logo upper right is a departure from most channels which keep them lower left or right.

Ed McMahon has died

A very big part of my early life. Via MSNBC and KNBC. Added-

LOS ANGELES -- NBC News reports that Ed McMahon, the longtime sidekick of Johnny Carson on the "Tonight Show," has died after long battle with cancer.

The network home of the "Tonight Show" confirmed the television icon's death with McMahon's publicist, Howard Bragman.

He was 86.

ABC, NBC, CBS Will Carry Obama News Conference — FOX Won't

You know, it does get old after a while, but how do you think the punditocracy would have reacted if NBC refused to air one of Bush's press conferences?

The big three broadcasters will air Pres. Barack Obama's news conference Wednesday night at 8pmET, the 100th day of the Obama administration.

But one network will not cover the news conference — FOX. Repeated calls to FOX to check on their plans went unanswered this afternoon, but THR's James Hibberd has a FOX statement: "Fox's sister networks, Fox News Channel and the Fox Business Network, will air the press conference in its entirety. Fox will be alerting viewers with an onscreen graphic at the top of the 8:00 PM (ET) hour that the press conference is available on Fox News Channel and the Fox Business Network."

(snip)

At 8pmET, FOX will air a new episode of "Lie to Me."

Deep Thought

I don't remember any time since junior high that I've had so many tv shows that I look forward to watching. My Boys, Ashes to Ashes, Torchwood, Saving Grace, Gavin and Stacy, 30 Rock, and finally tonight (after way too long) Fringe!! Is it just me?