Michelle Obama compared to Tarzan's Cheeta in email

By GottaLaff

Walt Baker, the CEO of the powerful Tennessee Hospitality Association, sent out a "joke" email comparing First Lady Michelle Obama to Tarzan's Cheeta. Hilarious, huh?

It said, in part, "Quoting Larry the Cable Guy ... I don't care who you are, this is funny". He sent it to 12 prominent Nashvillians:

Baker says he meant no offense and sent it to what he considered to be "a select group of friends." "If anybody wants to make a political agenda out of it, they're wasting they're time [...] It's not a political statement," Baker continues. "It was done in the spirit of having some fun with some close friends. It was something that was forwarded to me, and I forwarded it to a couple of people that, quite honestly, I thought might find some humor in it like I did."

I mean no offense, Walt, but you're a racist putz.

Baker sent a one-word follow-up email to the original recipients yesterday afternoon. It read only, "Sorry." And today, the publicly funded CVB announced it's canceling its $50,000 marketing contract with Baker's company.

Oh, did I call you a racist putz?

Sorry.

No I'm not.

Here's funny guy Walt's original email:

Quoting Larry the Cable Guy...I don't care who you are, this is funny...

I was at the store yesterday, and I ran into Tarzan! I asked him how it was going and if he was into anymore movies.

He told me that he could no longer make any more movies as he had severe arthritis in both shoulders and could no longer swing from vine to tree.

I asked how Jane was doing, he told me she was in bad shape, in a nursing home, has Alzheimer's and no longer recognizes anyone, how sad. I asked about Boy, and he told me that Boy had gone to the big city, got hooked up with bad women, drugs, alcohol, and the only time he heard from him was if he was in trouble or needed something.

I asked about Cheeta, he beamed and said she was doing good, had married a Lawyer and now lived in the White House!!!

Here are the photos:

What a laugh riot, huh?

He finally sent out an apology:

"Thursday night I spontaneously forwarded -- to a small group of people -- an email that had been sent to me as political humor. As I forwarded it, I did not think or consider its implications, other than that it was political humor. I am saddened that anyone misinterpreted the sentiments behind the email. I deeply apologize to anyone who is offended by this action. I hope that those who know me realize that the message was not intended to be malicious or hurtful in any way and can find it in their hearts to forgive me."

Dear Walt:

You're not only a small-minded racist putz, you are also tone deaf and beneath contempt. Next time you write up an apology, you might try, you know, apologizing.

I am saddened if you misinterpret this as intentionally insulting, offensive, disrespectful or disdainful. But hey, that's your problem. I'm just being spontaneous.

Go Cheney yourself.

Laffy

VIDEO: Wolf Blitzer's apology

By GottaLaff

I've been posting a lot about this lately:

And by "this" I mean not only CNN's ClusterFoxy chyron, but Liz "Dickette" Cheney's offensive campaign to paint federal lawyers as terrorist sympathizers, Countdown's analysis, as well as Rachel Maddow's superb mockery of Dickette's twisted efforts.

But the "this" of the moment is the issue of the tasteless CNN chyron you see in the screen grab above.

Wolf got the message:



Too little too late?

VIDEO:The Church of Tiger Woods

By GottaLaff

UPDATE: Here's the video...

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

This is big. Bigger than you. Bigger than me. Bigger than health care reform. Bigger than Afghan war deaths. Bigger than unemployment.

Bigger than god.

As I type this, 35 minutes of MSNBC's and CNN's "news"casts have been devoted to the genesis of the Redemption of Tiger Woods.

He boinked 4,000 women and now he's here to say how sorry he is... sorry, that is, that his career needs rehab:

I'm sorry. It's my fault. I had affairs. I cheated. For years. And years. Because I could.

Because, come on, they were so hottt.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry...

... that I got caught.

That will never happen again.

Please look me in the eyes, because I trained for weeks to look into the camera, to exude sincerity and contrition. I even threw in Buddhism, and now I need unequivocal validation that I gave an Oscar-winning performance.

I hit all the keywords, I stayed on message... and now I want my role model status back.

No, seriously. Like you wouldn't believe.

You in the back, your head's not bowed.

I stood in front of a stark blue background, at a starkly plain podium, looking down at starkly humiliated, teeth-gnashing Mom, looked into the stark camera lens, and delivered the hell out of a somber, polished speech.

An then, in hushed, reverent tones, cameth the Panel.

Even High Priest Armstrong Williams was summoned to preach to the congregation.

Yes, flock, The Church of Tiger Woods assembled, the prayer service was underway, and The Panel glanced heavenward, and then proceeded to look to the gods of emotional analysis, solemn parsing, Very Serious Boffo Reviews... and invoke a silent prayer that sponsors will once again release torrents of cash that will once again bring peace and prosperity to the media and the PGA.

We're at 57 minutes now.

Nike has forgiven him.

All rise.

Tiger, The Holy Panel of Newsotainment Punditiots and Nike hath shown mercy, and hath calleth upon us to doeth the same.

After all, Tiger said he was sorry really, really well.

Amen.

SNL VIDEO: Rahm Emanuel offers his apologies, demands one from Palin

By GottaLaff

Need a laugh? This will do the trick:



If only this were real life....

Gibbs to Sen. Bond: Apologize to law enforcement, White House for leak claim

By GottaLaff

Why stop with this? The GOP should apologize for the last 9 years:

Press Secretary Robert Gibbs is calling on Republican Sen. Kit Bond (R-Mo.) to apologize "to the law enforcement community and those that work in this building" for alleging the White House had leaked classified information about its Flight 253 investigation.

None of that information about Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab's recent cooperation with investigators was classified, Gibbs assured reporters during Thursday's press briefing.

Gibbs:

"I think he owes an apology to the professionals in the law enforcement community and those that work in this building, not for Democrats and Republicans, but who work each and every day to keep the American people safe and would never ever, ever knowingly release or unknowingly release classified information that could endanger an operation or an interrogation."

The rest is here.

The chances of this White House getting anything even close to an apology from anyone on the right is....

VIDEO- Steele: Reid should step down from leadership role for 'Negro' remark

By GottaLaff



Yesterday I posted about Harry Reid's apology for "Negro dialect" remarks he hade made about pre-President Obama during the 2008 election season. Obama accepted the apology.

From the Dep't. of Look Who's Talking About Who Should Step Down:

The chairman of the Republican National Committee called Sunday for Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nev.) to step down as Majority Leader in the wake of revelations that he used the term "Negro" when discussing President Barack Obama's 2008 candidacy.

"I think he should, if the standard is the one set by [Trent Lott]," Steele said on "Fox News Sunday" when asked if Reid should resign his post.

Trent Lott resigned as Majority Leader in 2002 for praising Strom Thurmond and his 1948 candidacy.

Back to the Department of Look Who's Talking, Michael Steele apparently forgot about his own "Honest Injun" slur. Until he can acquire a shred of credibility for himself, he's the last one who should be pointing fingers.

UPDATE, via an e-mail alert from Politico:

Texas Sen. John Cornyn, the chairman of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, tells POLITICO that it's "entirely appropriate" for Sen. Harry Reid to step down as majority leader over comments about President Barack Obama's skin color and lack of a "Negro dialect."

For more information...http://www.politico.com

Dear ultra patient, very confused Readers:

By GottaLaff

Dear You,

Due to the popularity (thank you), size, and complicated nature of The Political Carnival, we've had to temporarily move back to Blogger from our new site.

We didn't want to disrupt our posting, or your readership, while we go back to square one and build a new site on a bigger server, so here we are.

We are more than aware of how frustrating it has been for you to click on TPC and get error messages (among other annoying things), and we thank you profusely for bearing with us.

We've been tearing our hair out. We are now bald. Yes. It's true.

Noetical, our webmaster, has been a saint. She's worked 18 hour days/nights on our behalf, only to discover that our site is a big pain in the ass to move, and needed a bigger, badder place to be. She is the most patient, sweetest, hardest working person EVER.

So. Here we are for a few more weeks. We will keep you posted. And again, we are very sorry for any inconvenience we've put you through.

We wouldn't have moved at all if we didn't have to, but we've outgrown this place, and can't even access thousands of our own posts, which we need to reference constantly. Hence, the move.

When we have our next fundraiser, we will be using much of it for rebuilding the new digs, and the rest for more heaters for Paddy, who has no heat in her house. Which is in Indiana. Which is freezing.

Thank you endlessly for your patience.

Love, Us

Here's your big fat reward for hanging in there with us (click on image to enlarge):

Photo by stevekimura

VIDEO- Sean Hannity To Jon Stewart "You Were Right" About Bogus Video

By GottaLaff

He had no choice. He was busted wide open:



H/t: Dbfuturist42

GOP officials apologize for Jewish stereotype

By GottaLaff

Yesterday I posted about the Borscht Belt team of Ulmer and Merwin. Whaddya think, did Rachel embarrass them into the mea culpa? It certainly couldn't be their consciences. They waited until after they got slammed before they slinked out with an apology:

After his words attracted national attention and drew condemnation from a Jewish state senator, a South Carolina Republican official is now apologizing for co-writing a newspaper op-ed that described Jews as penny-pinchers. [...]

State senator Joel Lourie, a Democrat and one of South Carolina's two Jewish lawmakers, issued a statement on Monday rebuking the two Republicans, calling them "individuals who unapologetically espouse racist and stereotypical attitudes."

He also called on DeMint and South Carolina GOP chairwoman Karen Floyd to denounce the comments.

Floyd did so on Tuesday, calling the observation "an offensive and inappropriate comment" while also accusing critics of using the controversy for political gain. Aides to DeMint have not responded to requests for comment. (UPDATE: DeMint has also weighed in.)

The Republican Jewish Coalition also blasted the op-ed. RJC Executive Director Matthew Brooks said in a statement that Ulmer and Merwin "have done a tremendous disservice to their party."

Ulmer [...] said he "quoted a statement which I have heard many times in my life, truly in admiration for a method of bettering one's lot in life."

See? He was just quoting other anti-Semites. And it was a compliment! What's all the fuss about?

He e-mailed in an apology last night:

"I meant absolutely nothing derogatory by the reference to a great and honorable people," he said in the e-mail. "I hope that anyone and all who were offended by my comment will accept my humble apology."

How about this? Stop sending e-mails and get in front of a mic. Then say it like you mean it.

Merwin waited until this morning:

"At this time I wish to deeply apologize for any material included in that letter that would be considered antisemitic [sic] in any way," he wrote in an e-mail to reporters and other Republican officials.

I see. It wasn't really anti-Semitic. It was just considered anti-Semitic. Anti-Semitism (note the spelling, Ace) is apparently in the eyes of the beholder.

"I have always abhored [sic] in the past, and shall continue to do so in the future, anti-semitism [sic] in any form whatsoever. I concur fully with the apology offered by my co-author, Jim Ulmer, and likewise beg that any and all who were offended will accept my deep felt apology."

At least it was deep felt. I know that to be the case, because he said so.... in his badly spelled e-mail.

Newspaper Apologizes to Palin

By GottaLaff

The question is, when will Sarah the Quitter apologize to us for all the damage she has done?

The Fairbanks Daily News-Miner runs an apology for their headline on a photo about Sarah Palin's speech in Hong Kong: "A broad in Asia."

Writes the newspaper's editor: "We made a terrible mistake."

Compared to Palin's remarks, on foreign soil no less, against her own president, that newspaper's mistake looks like a compliment... broadly speaking, of course.

VIDEO ADDED- Oh, but Joe the Mouther Wilson didn't play politics at all...

By GottaLaff

UPDATE: Here's the video:





Let's get this straight: When Joe the Mouther shouted, "You lie!" at the president of the United States, temporarily disrupting his health care speech, and more permanently disrupting the news cycle, that wasn't playing politics?

Yes, Joe, you go right on thinking that the Dems want to deflect from health care reform, the legislative win of their dreams.

Hyp. O. Crite:

Look for a showdown next week, assuming Democratic leaders follow through on their threats to formally scold Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC) for breaking House rules.

Said Wilson on Fox News: "I am not going to apologize again."

Wilson accused Democrats of "playing politics" to take attention away from the health care reform battle.

Hoo-ah! Hoo-ah!

No apology for you!

Texas school district apologizes for snubbing Obama speech

By GottaLaff

(via)

File this under Ya Might Wanna Think About Where You're Bussin' Them Kids:

ARLINGTON, Texas — Arlington Superintendent Jerry McCullough issued a statement Friday apologizing for how the district handled President Obama's live speech on Tuesday.

The decision not to show the speech live to school children became particularly controversial after it became known that the district had previous plans to bus about 500 fifth-graders to attend an event with former President George W. Bush. [...]

"In retrospect, I can see how the district's decisions concerning these two events could be seen as favoring one event over another," McCullough said in his written statement. He later said, "I apologize that my decisions on behalf of the district have disappointed or hurt people."

"In retrospect"? It didn't occur to him until after the fact? Really?

Gee, it's a good thing he can now "see how" that kind of thing "could be seen as favoring" Bush over Obama. In retrospect, one can see how McCullough could be seen as a douchebag, too. I'm not saying he is one, I'm just saying one can see how he could be seen as one.

At least he tried to cover his as-- I mean, at least he apologized. There's a lot of that going around. In fact, I can see how Rushpublic apologies could be seen as pretty meaningless.

Alberto Gonzales Regrets Enemy Detainee Memo

By GottaLaff

Think his fingers were crossed when he apologized?

Well, heck, as long as he's sorry, let's just shake hands and put all that torture behind us:

Alberto Gonzales expresses regret over a memo he wrote defending the harsh treatment of enemy detainees. Some argue that the 2002 memo cleared the way for prisoner abuses at the Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq. The former U.S. attorney general said he shouldn't have used the words "quaint" and "the Geneva Conventions" in the same sentence.

I shouldn't use the words Gonzo and dick in the same sentence either, but I am, and without a hint of regret.

Hey Alberto, the word "quaint" isn't the only thing you should be apologizing for. Not by a long shot.

What you should apologize for is only touched upon below. It's also what you should be imprisoned for:

All my previous posts on this subject matter can be found here; That link includes one specific to only Fayiz al-Kandari's story here. Here are audio and video interviews with Lt. Col. Wingard, one by David Shuster, one by Ana Marie Cox, and more. My guest commentary at BuzzFlash is here.

If you are inclined to help rectify these injustices: Twitterers, use the hashtag #FreeFayiz. We have organized a team to get these stories out. If you are interested in helping Fayiz out, e-mail me at The Political Carnival, address in sidebar to the right; or tweet me at @GottaLaff.

If you'd like to see other ways you can take action, go here and scroll down to the end of the article.

Then read Jane Mayer's book The Dark Side. You'll have a much greater understanding of why I post endlessly about this, and why I'm all over the CIA deception issues, too.

More of Fayiz's story here, at Answers.com.

Yet another Republican apology, this time from John Ensign

By GottaLaff

(click on image to enlarge)

Just keep talking, John, because sometimes a letter just isn't enough. And don't worry, your family--er, The Family-- will be there for you. C Street's loyal that way.

By the way, can I borrow $96,000? I'm a little short, and I need decent health care:

Sen. John Ensign (R-Nev.) issued a statement to the local media attempting to explain himself after facing criticism for his silence surrounding a sex scandal that has been plaguing him for weeks. [...]

"I am very sorry this issue has caused a great deal of embarrassment and pain for my family, the Hamptons, and many of my supporters," Ensign said in the prepared statement, which The Las Vegas Sun posted online late Friday.

Ensign said that potential investigations by the Federal Election Commission and Senate Ethics Committee make public comment on his extramarital affair inadvisable.

Psst! John! Extramarital affairs are inadvisable, too. But did that stop you? Nooooo.

“I know there are questions regarding my affair with Cindy Hampton that people want to know the answers to,” the statement says. “It was reported, however, that CREW was planning to file complaints with the Senate Ethics Committee and the Federal Election Commission, so I have been advised not to publicly comment further at this time.”

CREW, short for Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington, a nonpartisan government watchdog group, has called for ethics, election commission, and federal criminal investigations of Ensign’s actions in relation to the affair with Hampton last year.

“If any inquiries are undertaken, then I am confident they will be resolved in my favor and those questions will be answered,” Ensign said.

You're that confident, huh? What, did you pay CREW off, too, or just write them a carefully crafted letter with a little help from the C Street Frat Boys?

Mark Sanford 'humbled and broken', sniffle!

By GottaLaff

Mark Sanford is broken alright... more like damaged... more like wrecked... more like in ruins:

A self-described "more contrite" Sanford wrote an op-ed, published in newspapers around South Carolina, vowing to "begin the journey of trying to get things more right with you and others." [...]

"I realize this op-ed does not do justice to the process of saying I am sorry," the two-term Republican wrote. "A handwritten note or a phone call would ultimately be more appropriate."

My voice mail is still empty, Marko. Although a nice note on scented stationery would be so lovely.

Sanford again admitted, "I did wrong and failed at the largest of levels." He said "life is… about way more than public standing or political views, it is about recognizing that none of us of are the arbiters of truth, that there are moral absolutes and that there is a God to whom we will all report for our actions."

Well, maybe... unless you're a Commie atheist such as yours truly. Personally, I report to Paddy. She's much fiercer and almighty than any god. And she never makes me bow to her. That is so like Paddy.

"My failure has been more glaring on this front, where no public apology can make wrong right."

But Sanford wrote that he has been "humbled and broken as never before," and has "given up areas of control."

Um, Marko? You kinda gave up "areas of control" when you zipped off to Argentina and zipped down your pantalones.

"It is my belief this will make me a better father, husband, friend and advocate."

Yes, cheating always improves one's husbanding/paternal skills and standing with the ol' fam.

Sanford, a strong-willed political figure who often sparred with legislative leaders, said that he is "committing to you and to the larger family of South Carolinians to use this experience to both trust God in his larger work of changing me, and from my end, to work to becoming a better and more effective leader."

Now really, Marko-- can I call you Marko?-- think about this for longer than the time it takes to cry for Argentina. Wouldn't becoming a better and more effective leader be the thing to aspire to before you had an extramarital affair and joined the C Street Frat?

Trying to heal political wounds deepened by the scandal, Sanford said, "I think all that has transpired will be particularly relevant in the way I deal with the legislative body and other state leaders going forward… as I begin these steps into the last 18 months of this administration, it will be indeed with a more contrite and humble spirit."

Here's a better idea. Follow the example of your Fearless Leader, Sarah Palin, and quit.

MSNBC apologizes for "blow job" comment (Here's the VIDEO of comment)

By GottaLaff

Original post here, re: Marcy Wheeler's, er, "slipping in" of "blowjob" terminology.



Apology? Really?

(The link she gave didn't work, but if I find anything more, I'll update)

Jane makes a great point. Luckily, here at TPC, we are equal opportunity jokers.

UPDATE: I'm guessing Jane is referring to the immediate fumbling for words right after the interview.

Honduran official apologizes to Obama for racial remark

By GottaLaff

The Department of Palin refers to the White House Department of Law. Now this, apparently addressed to the White House Department of Apologies:

The foreign relations minister in Honduras' interim government says he has sent a letter to Barack Obama apologizing for a racial comment he made about the U.S. president.

Enrique Ortez says the letter expresses "his most profound apologies" for "an unfortunate comment."

In a TV interview, Ortez said Obama "is a little black man who doesn't know where Tegucigalpa is located."

Ortez says the remark made before he was named to the post was not meant to offend anyone. [...]

Ortez also read a statement in Spanish from U.S. Ambassador Hugo Llorens that said: "I express my profound indignation for the unfortunate, disrespectful and racially insensitive comments made about President Barack Obama."

Well, as long as he made the comments before he was foreign relations minister...

Tenneessee GOP staffer apologizes for racist image of Obama.

By GottaLaff

Yesterday I posted about this little gem of a staffer who thought it would be swell to send around a lovely racist picture. Here's the sequel:

Initially, Goforth said that she mistakenly sent the e-mail “to the wrong list of people.” Then, earlier today, Goforth issued a statement of apology, but in doing so, tried to blame the person who sent the picture to her:

“I want to offer my deepest apology regarding the offensive nature of the email forwarded to several of my colleagues.

“I also want to make it clear that it was forwarded to me from an acquaintenance with absolutely no political party ties and who is outside the Tennessee Capitol Hill arena. I should have deleted it upon receipt.

“Again, I am deeply sorry and offer a sincere apology to anyone offended.”

Goforth did not mention President Obama in her apology.

David Letterman she's not.

Republican Rep. Paul Ryan to Europe: I'm sorry

By GottaLaff

Now, now, little Pauly RyRy, what do you have to say for yourself?

Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) has something to say to Europe: I’m sorry.

He might try saying that to America, too. How about starting with a big I'm Sorry for this:

The top Republican on the Budget Committee told The Hill that he owes an apology to Europe for insulting them over the past few weeks.

The 39-year-old lawmaker acknowledged that it was unfair to the continent to call President Obama's budget proposal the "Europeanization of America," since France and Germany recently called on the White House to rein in the stimulus spending.

So as long as they agree with him, he apologizes. Par for the course.

“We owe them an apology because our budget is worse than theirs,” Ryan told The Hill, referring to the Democrats’ budget measure. "To suggest that we’re turning our budget into a European kind of a budget is unfair … it’s unfair to Europe."

Throughout the partisan budget debate, Ryan warned that America is moving closer into turning into a European society.

“We’re seeing a budget that essentially Europeanizes the American economy and the American government,” Ryan said at a news conference in late March. “We don’t want to be Europe, we want to be America -- where small businesses and innovators and families are the leaders and the nucleus of our economy and our society.”

What a diplomat. Now it makes sense why he's a spokesman for the Rushpublic party. He's a perfect fit.

Ryan's remorse surfaced after he was asked whether he agreed with Rep. Brian Bilbray’s (R-Calif.) opinion that Ryan had gone too far.

Bilbray had told The Hill that Ryan “owes Europe an apology.”

So now we find out that not only did he apologize when he believed Europe agreed with him, he also had to be pushed into it by a fellow Rushpublic. When he grows up, he may realize he can do things like this all on his own.

Fox apologizes, sorta, for dissing Canadian Military

As Gotta and I covered earlier, twatwaffle Greg Whatever dissed the Canadian Military on his "comedy" show Red Eye. We now have a non apology, "Gee you guys have no sense of humor" apology.

"The March 17th episode of Red Eye included a segment discussing Canada's plan for a 'synchronized break,' which was in no way an attempt to make light of troop efforts," host Greg Gutfeld said in a statement issued Monday.

"However, I realize that my words may have been misunderstood. It was not my intent to disrespect the brave men, women and families of the Canadian military, and for that I apologize.

"Red Eye is a satirical take on the news, in which all topics are addressed in a lighthearted, humorous and ridiculous manner," he added.