Cooked

By GottaLaff

Via Greg Sargent:

Cook Political Report revises a bunch of ratings and concludes that 54 Dem-held House seats stand a reasonable chance of flipping, versus only six GOP seats. Conclusion: Dem control of House at risk.

Carly Fiorina "in full Mutton Meltdown" with "an increasingly bizarre fixation on farm animals"

By GottaLaff

Mock and awe:



Oh this is just too delicious:

In just 24 hours, the three-way Republican Senate primary in California has descended into a squabble over bloated budgets, "demon sheep" and now ... mutton.

Ba-a-a-ad choice of ads, eh Carly?

The video instantly became the subject of Internet mockery when it was posted on Wednesday.

"Carly Fiorina's campaign is in full Mutton Meltdown mode, with an increasingly bizarre fixation on farm animals," Campbell spokesman Jamie Fisfis said in a statement Thursday. "She's admitted missing a decade's worth of opportunities to vote for budget reform, but instead of offering solutions, all she has for voters are dogs, cats and demon-sheep."

Ouch!

Maybe she needs one of these to protect her from all the bad press:

Mid Day Distraction

Birther Email Uses Fake AP Story To Question Obama’s Citizenship

By GottaLaff

Grasping reality was never the birthers' strong suit:

A phony new email chain letter — one of the antiquated viral sort leftover from the AOL era — is claiming that the case against President Barack Obama’s citizenship has reached the Supreme Court, based on a forged and typo-riddled Associated Press “report.”

If it's anything like this e-mail, then the typos are the norm rather than the exception.

The message claims that college records of Obama’s from Occidental (under the name Barry Soetoro) prove he was receiving aid as a foreign student from Indonesia. But there’s one problem: the “AP” can’t seem to figure out where to put periods, commas or capitalization. Well, maybe there’s more than one problem.

“Justice Antonin Scalia announced that the Supreme Court agreed on Tuesday to hear arguments concerning Obama’s legal eligibility to serve as President in a case brought by Leo Donofrio of New Jersey,” the report’s third paragraph begins. Talk about burying the lede. There is also the completely unsubstantiated claim that “Obama has spent upwards of $950,000 in campaign funds in the past year with eleven law firms in 12 states for legal resources to block disclosure of any of his personal records.”

There's more, including the full text of the e-mail. Go here for teh birther stupid in all its entirety and glory.

They can't even concoct a decent lie properly. Come on, if you're going to spread rumors, at least make a minimal effort to make them appear credible.

"In the ninth year of the war we are starting from scratch."

By GottaLaff

I'm not feeling the optimism:

Ambassador Richard Holbrooke is in Germany seeking additional international troops to assist in Afghanistan, reports Deutche Welle, but his spin isn't very encouraging.

Said Holbrooke: "The whole thing was uncoordinated and did not get us very far. The upshot is that in the ninth year of the war we are starting from scratch."

I feel an "oy" coming on.

Panel votes 6-1 against Sanford impeachment

By GottaLaff

In RushpbulicLand, you get to cheat on your wife, abandon your state (all why being a hypocrite), and then get rewarded with not-impeachment:

An impeachment resolution against Gov. Mark Sanford has been essentially killed, as a majority of the 7-member committee formed to weigh evidence against the governor voted against it today.

The vote, which came shortly after 3:30 p.m., was 6-1 against the resolution. The full House Judiciary Committee will still take up the resolution.[...]

Sanford was accused of abandoning his duties and using state resources for personal purposes.

If a Democrat had pulled this, he/she would have been kicked out within days, and the news dee jays would have stayed on the story non-stop, pausing only for the latest Tiger Woods cartoons.

"Daddy feels God was using [Palin] to wake America up"

By GottaLaff

::Ring! Ring!::

America: Zzzzzzz huh, wuzzat? Someone get the phone. Where's a dedicated patriot when you need one... zzzzzzzz.

::Ring! Ring!::

America: Just 5 more months... Not awake yet... 5 more... Will someone pick it up? I'm still exhausted from 2001-2008, for Dems'sake!

::Ring! Ring!::

America: Okay, okay... geez. Hello? Whoever this is, it better be good....

Palin: Sonowyoubetchahowever ya might wanna open those red, white and blue peepers there, moreoveralsotoo, don'tcha know! Time to watch me on TeeVee and the YouTubes, also! Gotta go! There's a bus waitin'! And I'm due for some more fancy quittin'!

God: Ha! I so punk'd America!

Sarah Palin "took a detour from her book-signing tour Sunday to dine with Billy Graham," the Charlotte Observer reports.

Said son Franklin Graham: "He's followed her career and likes her strong stand on faith. Daddy feels God was using her to wake America up."

America: STFU, Palin. I'm so over you.

UPDATE:

Tom DeLay Injured While Rehearsing for Dancing with the Stars

By GottaLaff

This'll teach him to drink and dance less than a week before the show. Looks like Dancing With the Felons will have to provide him with another brace:

The Texas politician, who was injured during a rehearsal with pro dance partner Cheryl Burke, posted a message to Twitter Tuesday that reads, “Old age is catching up to me. May have a stress fracture in my foot. No worries, it’ll take more than that to keep me off the dance floor.”

What next, "Crawling With the Stars"? "Limping With the Stars"? "Death Panels With the Stars"?

Doctors will determine if he can continue on the show, which kicks off Monday, Sept. 21 on ABC.

In an update Tuesday afternoon, the former Congressman tweeted, “No stress fracture. It’s a pre-stress fracture. I live for another day.”

If that's anything like a pre-existing condition, he's in deep doodoo. Hic!

H/t: phive0phor

VIDEO: Dylan Ratigan, Arianna Huffington use dolls to explain health care

By GottaLaff

It's come to this:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I cannot watch Ratigan. I've been driven to switch to CNN until he and "Dr. Nancy" hand off the baton to Carlos Watson or even ::shudder:: Andrea Mitchell.

AUDIO-- Michael Steele: I’m Going To Create ‘A Little Hip-Hop Storm’

By GottaLaff



Oy. First he tries to "uptick the GOP image" by going "beyond cutting edge", now this.

It's painful.

AIG Seeks Clearance For More Bonuses

By GottaLaff

I'd contribute a few bucks to those poor AIG execs, but I need the money for stuff like, you know, food and health insurance:

American International Group is preparing to pay millions of dollars more in bonuses to several dozen top corporate executives after an earlier round of payments four months ago set off a national furor.

The troubled insurance giant has been pressing the federal government to bless the payments in hopes of shielding itself from renewed public outrage.

The request puts the administration's new compensation czar on the spot by seeking his opinion about bonuses that were promised long before he took his post.

AIG doesn't actually need the permission of Kenneth R. Feinberg, who President Obama appointed last month to oversee the compensation of top executives at seven firms that have received large federal bailouts. But officials at AIG, whose federal rescue package stands at $180 billion, have been reluctant to move forward without political cover from the government. [...]

The payments coming due next week include $2.4 million in bonuses for about 40 high-ranking executives at AIG, according to administration documents from earlier this year. Though the actual sum may have changed since then, the payments are much smaller than those that caused the upheaval in March.

Still, officials at AIG and within the government see them as a land mine.

Gee, ya think?

H/t: Sam Seder

But enough about Sanford, here's more about Sanford

By GottaLaff

Because you just can't get enough Mark Sanford news:

Sanford Planned to be Away for Ten Days

Politico reports that South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford (R) intended to be in Argentina for 10 days and only cut short his trip when questions were raised about his whereabouts.

"The bookings also cast light on the governor's recklessness, and his belief, or hope, that he could vanish from the state for well over a week without raising questions about his absence."

A statement from Sanford also indicates he will reimburse the state for a trip he made last year that was paid for with public money.

"However, while the purpose of this trip was an entirely professional and appropriate business development trip, I made a mistake while I was there in meeting with the woman who I was unfaithful to my wife with. That has raised some very legitimate concerns and questions, and as such I am going to reimburse the state for the full cost of the Argentina leg of this trip."

Mr.Toast.

Oh, and there's this:

Rep. Bob Inglis (R-SC) -- "who made a name for himself in the late 1990s as one of Bill Clinton's most zealous pursuers, an impeachment manager who attacked the moral failings of the president with a gusto that earned him a devoted following" -- tells the Wall Street Journal that the Republican Party needs to "lose the stinking rot of self-righteousness" and "to understand we are all in need of some grace."

He now says South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford's (R) political fall "could be a saving grace for what remains of his governorship."

Said Inglis: "This may be an opportunity to extend a little grace to other people, to realize that maybe it's not 100% this way or that way."

Now take a moment and try to imagine Boss LimpDong or The Boehner extending a little grace.

Me neither.

RNC Says Health Care Special Will "Become A Glorified Infomercial", ABC: "false premises"

By GottaLaff

ABC responds to the ABCs of Rushpublic lunacy:

ABC News is responding to the Republican National Committee's claim that the network is excluding "opposing voices" during next week's White House conversation on Pres. Obama's national health care plan.

In a letter to ABC News president David Westin, RNC Chief of Staff Ken McKay writes, "I am concerned this event will become a glorified infomercial to promote the Democrat agenda. If that is the case, this primetime infomercial should be paid for out of the DNC coffers. President Obama does not hold a monopoly on health care reform ideas or on free airtime."

This morning ABC SVP Kerry Smith responded, characterizing the RNC letter as containing "a number of false premises."

"ABC News alone will select those who will be in the audience asking questions of the president," she writes. "ABC News will have complete editorial control. To suggest otherwise is quite unfair to both our journalists and our audience."

The RNC letter to ABC News and ABC's response are here. Now, everyone! Sing with me:

ABCDEFG,

D-ranged nuts at RNC.

Presidential Birth Certificate Bill Gets a Co-Sponsor At Last

By GottaLaff

Oh them cuh-razy birthers are gonna be a-crawlin- outta the woodwork over this:

Rep. Bill Posey (R-Fla.) has a co-sponsor for his much-maligned bill that would require a birth certificate from presidential candidates.

“There’s nothing in the Constitution about what you do to show that you met the requirements and there is nothing in federal law,” Goodlatte said recently.

Goodlatte called the bill a “housekeeping” matter.

“It doesn’t have an impact on the outcome of the election [last year],” he said.

Nor does it have an impact on President Obama in any other way:

[T]he bill only requires “a copy of the candidate’s birth certificate”

Exhibit A:

We rest our case.

ACLU: ObamAdministration will defend Patriot Act ‘gag order’ letters

By GottaLaff

Here we go again:

The Obama administration will not ask the Supreme Court to review the national security letter provision of the Patriot Act, which has been criticized as unconstitutional by civil rights groups and curtailed by a lower court following a lawsuit by the American Civil Liberties Union.

By not seeking a review, the ACLU said, the administration is committing itself to defending the Bush-era rule.

The ACLU’s full press release here.

GOP Chairman Michael Steele Denies Tea Party Claim

By GottaLaff

Hi Tea Partiers? It's me, Chairman Michael! Hi-eeee! Sorry for the text message, but it's all I have time for.

Soanyway, yeah, I'm kinda rilly busy, and can't rilly come to your tea party and stuff, but let's be best friends. Rilly. Call me, 'k? K. 'K? 'K. Sweartogodyouwill? Kewl. Tell everybody you know what I just said, 'k? 'K. 'K? 'K. Ttyl! Luv youuuu! Kbye:

But the latest flare-up—a very public rejection of a request to speak at the anti-Obama, anti-tax "Tea Party" in Chicago on April 17—might not be his fault. "He never asked to speak," says a party official. "There was never an expectation nor formal request for our participation."

But here's how it's playing: The event's organizers, the Don't Go Movement in Chicago, say they received a request earlier this week from Steele to participate. Organizer Eric Odom, on the Don't Go site, [...] shut the door to any play by Steele. "[...] Unfortunately, it appears that he has only just decided to reach out after realizing how big the movement has gotten and how much media is now involved," he wrote in an E-mail to the RNC. "With regards to stage time, we respectfully must inform Chairman Steel [sic] that RNC officials are welcome to participate in the rally itself, but we prefer to limit stage time to those who are not elected officials, both in Government as well as political parties. This is an opportunity for Americans to speak, and elected officials to listen, not the other way around."

The RNC, playing CYA like nobody's business:

"He's in a daylong meeting anyway, so we weren't ever going to be speaking," said an official. "It was just a 'Hey, we're going to be in town' call."

Well, after we E-mailed Don't Go, organizers there must have realized the news value of their claim. They put out a news release titled: "RNC Chairman Denied. Steele Not Wanted to Speak at Chicago Tea Party." The RNC's reaction: "They're just having a little fun."

Those fun-loving little scamps.

Blag-Oy!-evich gets radio gig

By GottaLaff

On the plus side, if there's one thing he can do, it's talk... and talk... and talk...

Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich "has a new gig -- as a radio talk show host," the AP reports.

WLS-AM program director Bob Shomper says Blagojevich will be on the air on the Chicago station Wednesday morning, taking calls from listeners, telling stories and talking with guests.

Radio Host Forces Michael Steele To Give ‘Slum Love’ To Bobby Jindal

By GottaLaff

Politically incorrect and politically incorrecter:

Such was the case last night when an ABC radio host made some terrible connection between Bobby Jindal and the film Slumdog Millionaire and asked Steele what he thought about that connection. (YOU KNOW, LIKE INDIA.)

Steele knows he’s being baited (mocked?) at first, and tries to laugh it off like a pro:

SLIWA: Now, using a little bit of that street terminology, are you giving him any Slum love, Michael?

STEELE: (laughter)

But the host wants his QUOTE, damnit!

SLIWA: Because he is — when guys look at him and young women look at him — they say oh, that’s the slumdog millionaire, governor. So, give me some slum love. [...]

SLIWA gets his wacky Michael Steele quote in the end…

STEELE: I love it. (inaudible)…some slum love out to my buddy, gov. Bobby Jindal is doing a friggin’ awesome job in his state. He’s really turned around on some core principles — like hey, government ought not be corrupt. The good stuff…the easy stuff.

Michael Steele would do well to stay out of sight and out of mind for a very, very long time.

George "Macaca" Allen: In sports, ‘you don’t care about race.’

By GottaLaff

Yes, that George Allen: He spoke on-- wait for it-- "The Future of Hispanics in the GOP".

Allen [...] was trying to make the case on why Republicans need to be more tolerant on immigration. Dave Weigel captured some of Allen’s remarks:

I grew up in a football family. In sports, what you have is a level playing field…you don’t care about race, all you care about is who can help you win. Team America has to have that same competitive spirit!

People at the event also joked that Allen was an “honorary” Hispanic.

Feel free to reminisce in Comments.

Yikes

By GottaLaff

Um...

On C-Span, Rep. Paul Kanjorski (D-PA) explained how the Federal Reserve told members of Congress about an electronic run on the banks "to the tune of $550 billion dollars" within "an hour or two" last fall.

According to Kanjorski, on September 18, 2008 the Fed tried to "stem the tide" by pumping money into the financial system but it didn't work and decided instead to announce an immediate increase in deposit insurance to $250,000 per account to stop the panic.

Said Kanjorski: "If they had not done that, their estimation is that by 2 p.m. that afternoon, $5.5 trillion would have been drawn out of the money market system of the U.S., would have collapsed the entire economy of the U.S., and within 24 hours the world economy would have collapsed. It would have been the end of our economic system and our political system as we know it."

Gulp.