War Brewing at Fox Over Beck

By GottaLaff

This is knee-slapping hilarious on so many levels:

Glenn Beck’s meteoric rise has some at Fox News worried that he’s becoming the face of the network—and ruining any chance it has to be viewed as a legitimate news source.

Oh, whew! Excuse me! Wow, sorry. I had to pick myself up off the floor after having fallen off my broken desk chair laughing my fool head off. Gasping for air here.

Let's break this down:

1. Beck's meteoric rise came after his meteoric fall at CNN.

2. Beck's meteoric rise doesn't amount to a hill of meteoric television network ratings beans.

Here's a glimpse of the real world. Network news, during a down week:

Please note, that because of the holidays, the networks only had national news broadcasts three days last week:

December 2009:

NBC
ABC
CBS

Total Viewers:
9,370,000
8,560,000
6,160,000

A25-54:
2,840,000
2,270,000
1,830,000

Now here's cable, March 11, 2010

Live + Same Day Cable News Daily Ratings for March 11, 2010

P2+ Total Day
FNC – 1,382,000 viewers
CNN – 405,000 viewers
MSNBC –361,000 viewers
CNBC – 219,000 viewers
HLN – 315,000 viewers

P2+ Prime Time
FNC – 2,676,000 viewers
CNN – 737,000 viewers
MSNBC –820,000 viewers
CNBC – 207,000 viewers
HLN –531,000 viewers

3. Since when does ClusterFox worry about anything? Their irrational decision to put Beck and O'Reilly, Palin--and the rest of their line-up-- on the air in the first place... now that should have them really worried.

4. Beck as the so-called face of the network has them concerned? And this one doesn't?

5. Viewed as a "legitimate news source"? Fox? Oh no, here I go again.... Hahahahahaaa! Stop. Please! Ahahahaaaa!!! Can't breathe!

UPDATE:

Total Viewers: (L +SD)

Total day: FNC: 1574 | CNN: 441 | MSNBC: 391 | HLN: 317

Prime: FNC: 2676 | CNN: 737 | MSNBC: 820 | HLN: 531

	5p:	6p:	7p:	8p:	9p:	10p:	11p:
FNC	Beck:	Baier:	Shep:	O'Reilly:	Hannity:	Greta:	O'Reilly:
	2550	2276	2081	3479	2427	2116	1427
CNN	Blitzer:	Blitzer:	Blitzer:	Brown:	King:	Cooper:	Cooper:
	451	422	429	575	817	820	557
MSNBC	Matthews:	EdShow:	Matthews:	Olbermann:	Maddow:	Olbermann:	Maddow:
	390	468	531	991	955	515	334
HLN	Prime:	Prime:	Issues:	Grace:	Behar:	Grace:	Showbiz:
	220	188	416	669	607	351	382

Brian Williams:

February 7, 2010

Forget Jay Leno. Maybe NBC should have considered Brian Williams for a prime-time job.

The week before last, Williams' "Nightly News" was seen by an average of 10.1 million viewers each evening, The Associated Press reports.

VIDEO- SNL's Weekend Update with Jerry Seinfeld: "Really, Eric Massa?"

By GottaLaff

I miss Jerry:



Jerry Seinfeld:

-- "Massa massages? Really, Eric?" Yes, really.

-- "And why do I have the sinking feeling that Massa massages were quickly followed by... Massa-bation?"

I miss Jerry.

Brown for President in 2012? No Joke, Supporters Say

By GottaLaff

Maybe it would be good to see how well he plays with others in the U.S. Senate first. And since when is the "family values" GOP suddenly into former naked centerfolds as presidential material?

He's only been a senator for a week but the drumbeat already has begun for Scott Brown to run for president in 2012.

[...] Brown's supporters have launched a Facebook page devoted to discussing a potential presidential bid.

They've also scooped up several "Scott Brown for President" domain names, including scottbrown2012.com, scottbrown2016.com and scottbrownforpresident.com -- a site that offers "Scott Brown for President" bumper stickers.

And a new Gallup poll ranks Brown fourth among 11 potential GOP presidential contenders who voters would like to see as the nominee.

"He is the fresh face, and he's new," Republican strategist and pollster Kellyanne Conway told Fox News. "The whole idea that you don't have enough experience, I think that went out the window with the age of the Obama presidency."

Yes, but can he partake in a Q and A without crib notes scrawled on his hand? That's the real test.

Wrong, wrong, wrong: Sarah Palin Embryo Ornament

By GottaLaff

Um, tasteless doesn't begin to describe this (click to enlarge):

Description

Sarah's got a gun
and a nice pair of...glasses.

Little Sarah embryo is about 1.25" long (not including the loop on top).
Comes with a red ribbon and a gift box.

Feti is just for fun, no political statements being made here.

How many times have you seen "Baby's First ____" gifts?

Feti is a step ahead with special gifts for the expectant mom or dad.

Some things shouldn't be made into novelty gifts. Or ornaments. Or whatever the heck this is.

H/t: The Mudflats

Freshman Dem: Passing health care reform worth losing my seat

By GottaLaff

Wait... a principled Congress member? A Democrat? Sacrificing himself for health care reform? No way:

“If you get to the final point and you are a critical vote for health care reform and every piece of evidence tells you if you support the bill you will lose your job, would you cast the vote and lose your job?” CNN’s John King asked Sen. Michael Bennet of Colorado on Sunday’s State of the Union.

“Yes,” Bennet bluntly and simply replied.

Way.

Yikes

By GottaLaff

Um...

On C-Span, Rep. Paul Kanjorski (D-PA) explained how the Federal Reserve told members of Congress about an electronic run on the banks "to the tune of $550 billion dollars" within "an hour or two" last fall.

According to Kanjorski, on September 18, 2008 the Fed tried to "stem the tide" by pumping money into the financial system but it didn't work and decided instead to announce an immediate increase in deposit insurance to $250,000 per account to stop the panic.

Said Kanjorski: "If they had not done that, their estimation is that by 2 p.m. that afternoon, $5.5 trillion would have been drawn out of the money market system of the U.S., would have collapsed the entire economy of the U.S., and within 24 hours the world economy would have collapsed. It would have been the end of our economic system and our political system as we know it."

Gulp.

House Repubicans Extend Olive Branch, because, see, Democrats didn't

By GottaLaff

First Orrin Hatch, and now this? What's ... happening...? Does... not... compute:

"House Republicans have invited President-elect Barack Obama to speak before the entire GOP conference, hoping to set a different tone to the partisan wars of the last two years in which congressional Democrats battled President Bush," the Washington Post reports.

Obama is expected to attend the House Democratic retreat in early February.

Oh, but it's the Dems who battled Georgie that caused all that animosity. Nothing the Republicans did was combative, like say, umm, oh, darn...what's that word again? Oh yeah: Filibuster. Yeah, nothing they did, nothing BushCo did, none of that created a toxic atmosphere at all.

And don't even start me on the Clinton years.

Study: U.S. Marine Corps an Orgy Palace of Stoned, Drunk, Horny Teens

By GottaLaff

This is one heck of an enticement to enlist. Actually, it's more about how the military is scrounging for people willing to put their lives at risk after five years of a fraudulent, deadly, quagmirey occupation:

Thanks to desperate recruiting methods required to staff those wars, the U.S. Marines may be turning military service into a male sexual fantasy land, where recruits are paid actual money to cohabitate with drunk, stoned, horny teenage girls.

UCSF scientists tested and surveyed 2,157 female U.S. Marine recruits -- out of 2,288 possible respondents -- with an average age of 19. Researchers found that the young women were more than twice as likely as non-military young women to be infected with venereal diseases. And the recruits were prone to engage in behaviors likely to get them sick again.

The sexually-precocious female recruits "perceived that sex is more likely and enjoyable under the influence of alcohol, and were heavy alcohol and drug users before recruit training entry," according to a November 2008 UCSF study titled "Relationships among Sociodemographic Markers, Behavioral Risk, and sexually transmitted infections in U.S. Female Marine Corps Recruits."

[...] The Marines seemed to find their most sexually adventurous female recruits in rural areas, where a disproportionate number of them whiled away their high school years having drunken, stoned, unprotected sex, according to the UCSF report.

"Young women enter recruit training for the military with high levels of STIs [sexually transmitted infections] and increased risk for acquisition of STIs including sex under the influence of alcohol or drugs, sex with a risky partner, and infrequent condom use," the UCSF study said.

This is great news for randy young men weighing a career in the Marines -- as long as they're fastidious about wearing rubbers.

So, is this for real? And did they really just say "randy"?

Gramm-pa McCain Buses in 4,000 Kids for Ohio Rally

By GottaLaff

Class if you don't go to that rally, you will be counted as truant! Now get! On! That! Bus!

Consider it a field trip:

[A]lmost the entire crowd of 6,000 was forced to be there.

From NBC’s Adam Aigner:

A local school district official confirmed after the event that of the 6,000 people estimated by the fire marshal to be in attendance this morning, more than 4,000 were bused in from schools in the area. The entire 2,500-student Defiance School District was in attendance, the official said, in addition to at least three other schools from neighboring districts, one of which sent 14 buses.

There’s really no better way to create the illusion of enthusiasm for a candidate than by enlisting the support of children who presumably face punishment for skipping school if they don’t attend.

I wonder if there will be a pop quiz about what Gramm-pa said? I'm betting half of those kids dozed off.