Senator Jon Kyl Jokes About Obama Drowning

By GottaLaff

Some things just aren't funny, Jon Kyl:

Senate Minority Whip Jon Kyl (R-AZ) "got a big laugh on Saturday at a National Republican Senatorial Committee retreat, but his joke definitely wouldn't be funny to some people," The Hill reports.

His joke: "So Obama, Pelosi and Reid are in a row boat, and it springs a leak and starts to sink. Who gets saved?" Answer: "The American people."

I can just picture the chortling and rib jabbing now. I wonder if they'd be chortling and rib jabbing if they had the good sense to realize how they might be influencing the more violent among us.

Of course, had a Democrat made the same tasteless joke about a Republican leadership, all hell would have broken loose, there would have been demands for hearings, 24/7 media coverage, condemnation in loud, indignant voices, and calls for impeachment/resignation/prison time/firing squads.

That Family Values party has some sense of humor... and don't get me started on their outstanding judgment.

VIDEO: Bobby Jindal mocks RNC staffers

By GottaLaff

Um, Ba-Ba-Ba-Bobby Jindal? Wrong joke to the wrong crowd at the wrong time in the wrong room. Major rule of comedy: Know your audience.



Way to win over your own side, Sparky:

How do you get a lukewarm reaction from an otherwise friendly crowd? Joke about the politically embarrassing elephant in the room. That is just what Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal did Friday at the SRLC, having a laugh at the expense of the RNC.

Mock and awe fail.

Military's refusal to discharge lesbian a new Catch-22

By GottaLaff

Don't Ask Don't Tell is not only unfair and ridiculous, it's now becoming a joke:

Lt. Robin R. Chaurasiya wasn't exactly asked, but she told anyway: She is a lesbian, and in a civil union with another woman.

Her commander at Scott Air Force Base in Illinois, Lt. Gen. Robert R. Allardice, could have discharged her under the Pentagon's "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Instead, he determined in February that she should remain in the Air Force because she acknowledged her sexual orientation for the purpose of "avoiding and terminating military service."

Convoluted enough for you?

Chaurasiya says that is not why she "told".

Let's recap: Nobody asked, but she told, after which someone told on her, and then she told her commander, after which she would have been discharged had the military decided against it, because they think she told without being asked so she could get out for having told.

Clear?

Okay, let's start again.

A guy she once dated, a former service member, shared a group e-mail with her commander. Chaurasiya mentioned she was a lesbian in that e-mail. There was an investigation, after which she told her commander, in a memo, that she was gay.

"I want to be respected for it, and if I am going to be disrespected I don't want to be here," Chaurasiya said in an interview.

But she didn't get into a relationship or out herself just to get a discharge.

"My intention is not to get out," she said. "But if I am going to be kept in and treated unfairly either from my peers or by the military itself . . . then I want to be loud about it to bring about the change, or I do not want to be here."

Chaurasiya has managed to turn DADT into a well-deserved, albeit bad, punch line.

Video- Website: I Am Spartacus...I Am The Tea Party Leader

Oh my dear god in heaven. I Am The Tea Party Leader, nothing but vids of the "leaders". Have they jumped the shark yet? h/t Wonkette.

Lieberman to Lead Effort to Repeal "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

Why they would trust Joe with something this important is beyond me. Hell, his BFF McCain isn't even behind it anymore. Via Taegan-

"Just when you thought Joe Lieberman couldn't frustrate and perplex liberals any further, he is going off to become chief sponsor of the most significant piece of socially progressive legislation that Congress will deal with this year," reports the New York Daily News.

"Next week, the Connecticut senator will announce that he's taking the lead on repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, the 1993 law that prohibits gay people from serving openly in the armed forces. Since implementation of the statute nearly 20 years ago, the military has discharged some 14,000 qualified men and women, many of them serving in critical jobs like Arabic and Persian translation."

**Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks this is a bad idea.

Sarah Palin to Contribute to Fox News

By GottaLaff

No surprise here, but the real question is, how will anyone ever understand a word she's saying, don'tchaknow, you betcha, also too, moreover, heck. That'll take some fancy Tee Vee Machine watchin':

Former Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska has signed on as a contributor to the Fox News Channel.

The network confirmed that Ms. Palin will appear on the network’s programming on a regular basis as part of a multi-year deal. Financial terms were not disclosed.

You can betcha that she did some good old fashioned Alaskan dealin' to fatten up that pocketbook also.

Ms. Palin will not have her own regular program, one person familiar with the deal said, though she will host an occasional series that will run on the network from time to time.

Smart move. ClusterFoxers in the know figured out that she'd quit if she had to commit to an entire show of her own.

This must have been another one of O'God's plans. He's been so busy with O'Barbie McLipSchmutz, it's a wonder He has time to check out the rest O'us.

H/t: Double Dutch Politics

House GOP offers 230-page health bill

By GottaLaff

230 pages! That is SO much better than 1990 pages! This must be a grrreat bill! Who cares what's actually in it, all that really matters is that it's shorter than the Democrats' bill.

House Republicans have produced a health care bill to offer as an alternative to legislation by majority Democrats, focusing more on lowering costs than expanding coverage.

The bill is 230 pages long, compared with Democrats' 1,990-page measure.

Nobody will be forced to buy insurance. And guess what?! Those pesky pre-existing conditions? They can still be denied! Now that's change we can die for!

Now we know why there are so few pages. Death sentences only require a few sentences.

Tort reform? It's in there. Health "savings accounts"? In there.

The Boehner is saying this is still a work in progress. More like regress.

More details here.

H/t: 1kecko

Sarah Palin wants a job & to get back in touch

By GottaLaff

I sign up for just about every social network there is. Okay, not every one, but a lot. They do have their advantages, like, say, seeing what famous failed quitters are up to:

(click on images to enlarge)

Looky there! Barbie's interested in getting work! Aw, and getting back in touch, which makes me question the word "back". Oh, and what's that about "expertise" requests? Expertise in what, exactly? Whining? Ethics breaches? Resignation? Losing? Credibility gaps? Run-on sentences? Fancy pageant walkin'?

Check out the amount of time spent as governor and V.P. candidate.

Funny, I don't see a link to her primary outlet, the dreaded Barbie McLipSchmutz Facebook page. I'm surprised she's stayed with Facebook as long as she has. Must be a new record.

H/t: Taegan

Huckabee: My remarks madeTerry McAuliffe 'break down and cry'

By GottaLaff

Children, children. Am I going to have to turn this blog around again?

Mike Huckabee shot back at Terry McAuliffe late Thursday after the former DNC chairman and Virginia gubernatorial candidate accused Huckabee of encouraging voter suppression.

"As someone who served as a Governor for 10 years, I can say if these are the type of things Terry McAuliffe worries about and make him break down and cry, then he won't last 10 days as Governor much less 4 years and he doesn't deserve the people of Virginia's vote," Huckabee said in a statement to CNN.

See, Huckee made a joke, and Terry didn't like it. It was mean and nasty and... hit a nerve:

Huckabee cracked that if McDonnell's supporters bump into someone who isn't planning on voting for the Republican, they should "let the air out of their tires and do not let them out of their driveway on election day." [...]

"There are no jokes to be made about denying people the right to vote in this country," McAuliffe said of the remark in a statement. "It's not a laughing matter. This is a right that people fought and died for, so as public figures, we must be sure that we are setting the standard."

That's enough. The two of you will have to find a way to get along, or no more road trips. Huckee, you're grounded. No fried squirrel for a month. Terry, no allowance for you. That oughta hit you where it hurts.

Now behave.

VIDEO: Chuck Grassley Jokes About Having Sex With Kent Conrad’s Wife

By GottaLaff

This speaks for itself, loudly, clearly, and cringe-worthily:



UPDATE-- Clarification from Rachel Maddow:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Broken funnybone: Joe Lieberman's waterboarding joke

By GottaLaff

Talk about tortured:

At last night’s black-tie dinner at Washington’s Alfalfa Club, Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT) couldn’t resist cracking a joke about torture. Politico’s Mike Allen reports:

More from Senator Lieberman: ‘We had hoped Vice President Cheney would be here tonight. I hope it’s not his back injury that’s keeping him away. Apparently, he hurt it moving some things out of his office. Personally, I had no idea that waterboards were so heavy.

That's called "dying on stage", Joe. It's what happens when someone tries to be funny, and falls as flat as Bush did with his self-indulgent, tin-eared search for WMD at the Radio and Television Correspondents dinner.

This perverted attempt at humor, by the way, comes from the man who doesn't believe waterboarding is torture.

“It is not like putting burning coals on people’s bodies. The person is in no real danger. The impact is psychological,” Lieberman said.

This atrocity took place at the same private event at which President Obama did his stand-up. Compare and contrast.

Lieberman is the real joke. A real bad one.

LimObama

By GottaLaff

Oh, Barack, dear, your ride's here!

The Secret Service has unveiled the new presidential limousine, to debut on Inauguration Day next Tuesday.

“Although many of the vehicles’ security enhancements cannot be discussed, it is safe to say that this car’s security and coded communications systems make it the most technologically advanced protection vehicle in the world,” Nicholas Trotta, Assistant Director for the Office of Protective Operations, said in a statement.

That enormous shiny, black car looks like a big ol' seal. The Presidential Seal. Say good-night, Laffy. Good-night, Laffy.

Bush to receive first-ever "International Medal of Peace"

Yeah, Rev Rick had to make up a medal to give old George. What a scam.

To mark World AIDS Day, Saddelback Pastor Rick Warren is hosting a Civil Forum on Global Health at the Newseum in Washington, D.C. Warren will present President Bush with the first “International Medal of PEACE” from the Global PEACE Coalition in recognition of his unprecedented contribution to the fight against HIV/AIDS and other diseases. The “International Medal of PEACE” is given for outstanding contribution toward alleviating the five global giants recognized by the Coalition, including pandemic diseases, extreme poverty, illiteracy, self-centered leadership and spiritual emptiness.

Poland denies Barack Obama cannibal 'joke'

I totally believe it since it's exactly the kind of joke my dad would have told. And "strain relations"? C'mon folks, it was a stupid joke not an invasion of Hamtramck....

In an episode that could potentially strain relations between Warsaw and Washington, Radek Sikorski, an Oxford-educated politician who has lived in the US, was reported to have made the jibe by an opposition politician, Ryszard Czarnecki.

Writing in his blog, Mr Czarnecki, an MEP, quoted the foreign minister as saying: "Have you heard that Obama may have a Polish connection? His grandfather ate a Polish missionary."

A spokesman for the Polish foreign office conceded that Mr Sikorski had made the controversial comment, but denied that the foreign minister had intended to insult Mr Obama, whose father was Kenyan.

Barone: Media trashed Palin because ‘she did not abort her Down syndrome baby.’

By GottaLaff

Let's review: Being pro-choice is not being pro-death, pro-abortion, or pro-stupid. You want pro-stupid? Here's your pro-stupid:

Speaking before a roomful of academics in Chicago yesterday, U.S. News and World Report’s Michael Barone claimed that “the liberal media attacked” Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) during the presidential campaign because “she did not abort her Down syndrome baby.” “They wanted her to kill that child. … I’m talking about my media colleagues with whom I’ve worked for 35 years,” Barone said. Politico reports that “[a]bout 500 people were in the room, and some walked out.” Barone did not dispute his remarks, saying he “was attempting to be humorous and, as many in public do, went over the line.”

I missed the "humor". It went, woooooo!, right over my head. Imagine that. Me. A comedy writer, being too dense to get the joke.

For the record: Nobody in my world faulted Palin for choosing--choosing-- to keep her baby.

Now, schlepping it around the campaign trail as if he were a rag doll prop was a little disconcerting. But choosing to bring Trig into the world was absolutely fine with my liberal gang-o'-pro-choicers.