Liberty University faculty member's unhinged attack on Keith Olbermann

By GottaLaff

Here's a sample of the nastiest, most uncalled-for, vile piece of excrement I've read in a long time. So much for loving thy fellow man. In the true spirit of Jerry Falwell:

In the end and in Olbermann's eyes, life is what it has always been: hostile. The viewers are disappearing, and all that remains is a Krakatoa of rage, of poisons spewing forth from a shell of a man on a shriveled network into the homes of a shrinking audience.

And he reacts as always with howls of rage, the chief wannabe on the wannabe network: I wannabe an athlete, I wannabe a power, I wannabe a stud, I wannabe Bill O'Reilly, I wannabe loved, I wannabe the center of attention...a deranged diva who has yet to decide whether his jockstrap is half-empty or half-full.

It's all like that. Even the parts about Keith's mother.

Now check out who wrote it:

Stuart H. Schwartz is on the faculty at Liberty University in Virginia.

VIDEO- Saxby Chambliss: Obama better behave tomorrow night

By GottaLaff



How many times a day can I become dumbstruck? Saxby Chambliss, who once said that homeland security would be improved by turning the sheriff loose to "arrest every Muslim that crosses the state line," is demanding humility from the president.

Obama would a fool, a fool, for not taking advice from the man who, in 2008, was named one of 10 worst congressmen by Esquire Magazine, which described the competition as "staggering." [7]

Yes, you heard him, the African American named Barack Hussein Obama better stay in line and know his place:

Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) said today that, because of angry town hallers and the like, President Obama should show "humility" when he speaks to Congress Wednesday night. [...]

The implication here is that Chambliss's side -- the one that opposes much of the Democrats' reform plan, especially a public option -- is winning, and that the president had better be humble.

So the -Ers call the shots, huh Saxby? Obama better be on his best behavior, or.... what? They'll pull out their guns? They won't vote for him in 2012? They'll yell louder? Sound more racist, if that's even possible? Look even stupider and more backward than usual?

No, those cretins are not winning. They are the very definition of losers, and they better damn well show a little humility.

Bachmann on Health Care: "Slit Our Wrists And Become Blood Brothers"

By GottaLaff

Michele Bachmann (Dining Room Table- MN) spoke yesterday to the right-wing Independence Institute. She never fails to impress with that sense of calm and reason:

"What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists, be blood brothers on this thing," said Bachmann. "This will not pass. We will do whatever it takes to make sure this doesn't pass."

What's up with the gory imagery? Aw, she can't fool me. I bet she's really a dominatrix posing as a Congressperson.

"Right now, we are looking at reaching down the throat and ripping the guts out of freedom," she said. "And we may never be able to restore it if we don't man up and take this one on."

Then she popped out with this gem regarding income taxes:

"It's nothing more than slavery."

See? What'd I tell you? There's nothing worse than a clinically insane domme.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry thinks we're jealous his state

By GottaLaff

Stop me if you've heard this one before. It's a real knee-slapper... Gov. Ricky thinks we're jealous of his state:

Gov. Rick Perry’s turn in the states’ rights spotlight brought him national attention and made Texas a late-night punch line (not the first time) — and he’s not through, yet. [...]

Perry will moderate a forum Monday on President Barack Obama’s first 100 days.

Expect more talk about out-of-control Washington spending, says spokesman Mark Miner, with much time spent listening to people at the Dallas-area stop on a tour by three conservative radio talk-show hosts.

Perry himself says he doesn’t worry about a national reputation. He emphasizes he didn’t advocate secession when asked about it after an anti-tax Tea Party in Austin, though he suggested Texas has the right to leave the union.

Perry must have forgotten about this, this, and this:

Perry Raises Secession at Tax Protest

Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R) said that his state could secede from the United States because "the federal government has strayed somewhat from what our founders wanted and is choking Americans with excessive spending and taxation," reports the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

Said Perry: "Texas is a unique place. When we came into the union in 1845, one of the issues was that we would be able to leave if we decided to do that. My hope is that America, and Washington in particular, pays attention. We've got a great union. There's absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, you know, who knows what might come out of that? But Texas is a very unique place, and we're a pretty independent lot, to boot."

Should someone with such a poor memory be holding a public office as important as governor? Let's sleep on that. We have bigger fish to fry.

See, now Ricky's accusing us of being jealous. Of Texas. Economically. Choose any of those last three points and do what you will with them:

To those who might poke fun at Texas or call it backward, he says, they are “most likely jealous of this state’s position ... economically.”

Chagrined or incredulous might be more accurate, some say.

Some very well might. Why, here's Some now! Larry Sabato:

“This was a throwback to the Old South, a South that was out of the mainstream and viewed as something of an embarrassment. You think of people like George Wallace when you think of the claim of states’ rights. I don’t think that’s the image that modern Texas wants,” Sabato said.

As for the Texas economy, Sabato suggested that Gov. Ricky's rhetoric "could chill businesses and top faculty pondering a move to Texas."And Stephen Hess isn't any kinder:

Stephen Hess of the Washington-based Brookings Institution said Perry “is no George Wallace.” He said Perry has “certainly damaged his own reputation” among those who closely follow politics.

But when asked whether the talk could affect Perry’s national reputation, he said: “The answer is, ‘Who?’ You couldn’t find very many people who could tell you the name of the governor of Texas, or any other governor with the exception of the governor of California, at this moment.”

So it pretty much boils down to this: We're all jealous of a guy named "Who?"

VIDEO: Texan Rep. Betty "Asians Should Adopt a Name" Brown says she's sorry

By GottaLaff


Relevant segment starts at about 3:40.

Here is Paddy's original post. Now good old Betty (who really should adopt a new name) must have realized that she has alienated potential voters:

Brown initially insisted that she didn’t say anything wrong. However, she has now put out a statement apologizing, saying that she “understands the ‘diversity of Texas’ and the ‘enrichment’ that Asian-Americans have brought to the state.”

Sorry, Betty, saying Asians have to "make it work for us" doesn't work for us. By the way, do you pronounce your name "ignorant" or "ignoramus"? It might "behoove you" to "adopt a name that we could deal with more readily here," like, say, "jerk".

VIDEO gag alert: House conservatives say Bush was a "knowing lion" who "walked among us"

By GottaLaff

And thus was the sinkhole of a being named George Bush, whose wisenheimer wisdom doth still touch us the way a cattle prod doth evoke agonized mooage; whose erudition was equal to none but that of Carrot Top; and whose repugnance still reverberates as doth that solitary brain wave in Sarah Palin's vacuous skull...

Reps. Trent Franks (R-AZ), Mike Pence (R-IN), and Steve King (R-IA) last Thursday:

– FRANKS: “President Bush often had to walk like a knowing lion — like a knowing lion, Mr. Speaker, through the chattering of hyenas. … [I]f those critics do not devour themselves in the meantime, Mr. Speaker, they may face the bared teeth of an enemy that will make us all wish the lion still walked among us.”

– PENCE: “I truly believe that this nation owes a debt of gratitude to George W. Bush.”

– KING: “I’m here to say thank you to President Bush for the things that he has done when he’s had his steady hand on the till of leadership, and especially with our national defense.”

At one point, Franks began to tear up when talking about how Bush made the country “brighter” and “more hopeful” for his children. Throughout the 40 minutes, they also compared Bush to Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill.

Let us bow our heads and pray...

Yes, pray, you heareth me correctly; this atheist is resorting to prayer so that we never, ever again haveth another president as loathsome as the wretched George W. Bush. Let that message be echoed from this moment on, so that our children and our children's children can add this particular "knowing lion" to the extinct species list.

Amen.

VIDEO-- IWRC* Palin: Those superficial Republicans! If they'd meet me, they'd love me! But I'm not complaining.

By GottaLaff

This is so much laughworthy material here. A veritable buffet:

This interview on ABC's Good Morning America includes the infamous "I'm not doing this for naught" moment.

H/t: Alec

*"In What Respect, Charlie?"