Time for another Stand-Up Comedy Blog

By GottaLaff

How did I forget to post this on Monday?

"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!

Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.

A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:

PRESIDENT OBAMA was in Russia last week and from his hotel window he could actually see SARAH PALIN back in Alaska - cleaning out her office.

After all those years of communism, Russia has become a truly capitalistic country. LENIN'S tomb now has a Starbucks.

After negotiations with Russian President MEDVEDEV, PRESIDENT OBAMA was able to get him to give up two of Russia's most lethal weapons, Nuclear Rockets and their Borscht Burritos.

During his 24-hour trip to Africa PRESIDENT OBAMA planned to visit some poverty stricken areas, but ran out of time. He will, however, make up for it. When he gets back home he's going straight to downtown Detroit.

GM emerged from bankruptcy this week as a much smaller and leaner company. So much so, they even changed the name from GENERAL MOTORS to LIEUTENANT Motors.

This is the biggest cut back in Detroit's history. "The Big Three" has just been marked-down to "The Big Dollar Ninety-Eight."

General Motors says things look rosy for the new company and it's already struggling to meet demand for its 2010 Chevrolet Camaro. G.M. said they're sorry but both buyers are just going to have to wait a little longer.

Minnesota has a brand new senator, AL FRANKEN, who went from being a comedian to a politician. With GEORGE BUSH it was the other way around.

The health industry on Tuesday promised to work with the OBAMA administration to cut medical costs. Their first order of business was to ask Americans to please limit themselves to one autopsy per customer.

As a courtesy, here are some of our healthcare cost-cutting tips:

Make your own "Pacemaker" with a Diehard and a set of jumper cables.

When due for a chest X-ray, lie down with your luggage at the airport.

Join the "Bandage Of The Month Club."

Forget that summer cottage at the beach. Get together with several other couples and buy your own ambulance.

BERNIE MADOFF, that nasty, awful swindler will be in prison for 150 years. To make life a bit easier, MARTHA STEWART sent him a copy of the book she wrote while SHE was in the slammer. "101 Ways To Prepare Bread And Water."

MADOFF is trying to maintain an upscale image in the pokey. He was overheard asking the mess-hall guard, "What's the Slop Du Jour?"

Pamplona, Spain, is once again hosting their annual "Running Of The Bulls." What a sight! Poor, dumb, stupid creatures running wildly through the streets - being chased by bulls.

Thanks F.I.L., and sorry about the belated post!