By GottaLaff
"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!
Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law. For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
The latest polls are beginning to show that OBAMA is taking the lead causing McCAIN'S aides to ask, "Should we go negative or not? Should we write off Ohio and Florida as we did Michigan?" It seems the only state where McCAIN enjoys a solid lead is the state of confusion.Let's give a standing O to the F.I.L. a.s.a.p., O.K.? (alphabet humor)
Just when it looked like things couldn't get worse for McCAIN, the recent Los Angeles Times poll shows that he's trailing SARAH PALIN by 12 points.
After the latest results of the McCAIN-PALIN popularity poll, SARAH is thinking of dropping him from the ticket.
BARACK OBAMA is beginning to pull away in the polls because Americans like his plan to tax the rich. Mostly because they're impressed that he's still able to find rich people to tax.
McCAIN said that OBAMA'S tax plan would hurt small business owners. Unfortunately, after the stock market meltdown last week, General Motors, General Electric and Ford have just become small business owners.
But there is some good news. The first is that gasoline prices are falling. The other good news is, now people can afford to drive the cars they're living in.
The last debate was considered a dead heat. McCAIN looked dead and OBAMA was in heat.
If you thought watching the debate was dull, put yourself in TOM BROKAW'S place. He had to caution the audience three times about their spontaneous outbursts of yawning.
After the debate CINDY McCAIN said, "When my husband makes a promise, he keeps it." Of course, you have to remember, she's his second wife.
Both candidates are beginning to hit harder. If the campaign gets any dirtier they're thinking of putting sanitary strips over the voting booths.
For the next debate McCAIN said, "The gloves are coming off, but don't worry, the Depends are staying on."
Actually, I'm sick of all these "JOHN McCAIN is too old" jokes. The truth is he's just like you and me. He puts on his surgical hose one leg at a time.
SARAH PALIN attacked OBAMA last week for palling around with former Weatherman, WILLIAM AYERS, who in the 1960s, allegedly set off a bomb in the Capitol building men's room. When LARRY CRAIG heard this he said, "What a terrible thing to do, destroying a men's room."
Finance ministers representing seven countries met in Washington at the G-7 Economic Conference and managed to say in seven different languages, "We're in deep doo-doo."
CONGRATULATIONS: BILL and HILLARY CLINTON just celebrated their 33rd anniversary by renewing their wedding vows. They had to -- BILL keeps forgetting who he's married to.
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