John Edwards Forced to Testify About Sex Tape

By GottaLaff

As expected, John Edwards has to submit to a sworn legal deposition on... well, you know. I can't imagine the details not being dribbled out (as it were) by someone, somehow, somewhere:

"Edwards is forced to testify under oath about his extra-marital sex life -- specifically that much-talked-about sex tape he made with mistress Rielle Hunter -- and whether he might have spent federal campaign funds to keep Hunter lavishly hidden away from the media and under the watchful eye of trusted aide Andrew Young."

But here's the rub (as it were): Rielle wants the depositions to be hush-hush. She's worried they'll show up in the movie (that will have been inspired by The Politician by Andrew Young). But those pesky leaks... you know how they can be.

As for the campaign funds, that's an obscenity unto itself.

Photo of the Day

Believe it or not, the article is even worse.

John Edwards to be Indicted?

By GottaLaff

So far, the National Enquirer has been on target with this story:

The ultimate fall from grace, a Federal grand jury is about to indict John Edwards, The ENQUIRER has learned exclusively.

In another shocker, close sources say Edwards' estranged wife Elizabeth could help send the former presidential candidate to jail!

I am so relieved he was not our candidate in 2008. His utter disregard for his family, the voters, his staff ... his country!... is stunning.

H/t: Taegan

Elizabeth Edwards May Sue Over Book

Good for her, that Young guy is a skanky weasel. Via Taegan-

Andrew Young, the author of The Politician, says Elizabeth Edwards "has threatened to sue him for contributing to the downfall of their marriage," CBS News reports.

According to Young, Edwards has threatened an "alienation of affection" lawsuit which "allows a person to sue a third party for contributing to the breakup of a marriage. Jilted spouses typically seek money from their partner's lover."

VIDEO: Edwards lover confided in aide "...even about the condition of her vagina."

By GottaLaff

From the Department of I Don't Wanna Know:



Ew. No. Wrong. Stop. Shut up.

"John Edwards Beat Up Sick Wife Elizabeth"

By GottaLaff

I'm not a fan of posting drek, but this will make the rounds.

True or false? At this point, I'm ready to believe nearly anything:


Enough already. Just make him go away.

Elizabeth privately disclosed all the shocking details of the alleged attack, says a close friend.

The friend spoke in detail about the terrifying incident - and passed a lie detector test regarding the shocking fight. "John beat me," Elizabeth had told the friend.

Other sources confirm that the couple's furious confrontation was the "final straw" in 60-year-old Elizabeth's decision to end their 32-year marriage.

I never thought I'd say this, but... they've been pretty accurate so far....

Staffers Knew of John Edwards Affair

By GottaLaff

Marc Ambinder quotes from John Heilemann's and Mark Halperin's book Game Change, the same book that called out O'Palin for her failure to remember Joe O'Biden's last O'name.

My mind keeps drifting back to Chris Kofinis (who I enjoy a lot when he's on Countdown, et al.) and what he says about his former boss when he's not on air:

Not only, it turns out, did many senior Edwards staffer suspect that John was having an affair, several confronted John Edwards about it, and came away believing the rumors. At least three campaign aides resigned because of their knowledge of the affair well before the national media picked up on those early National Enquirer stories." [...]

The authors describe a moment where Elizabeth, in a such a state of fury, deliberately tears her blouse in the parking lot of a Raleigh airport terminal, 'exposing herself. 'Look at me,' she wailed at John and then staggered, nearly falling to the ground.' (That's page 142.)

And that didn't make it to ClusterFox or TMZ? No amateur cell phone journalists caught that?

I can't begin to imagine what Elizabeth and the kids went through... nor what the Democratic party would have gone through had Edwards won the primary. "Disgusting cad" doesn't begin to describe him.

And what happens to sleazy politicians like him who get busted after deceiving voters, cheating on their wives, and hurting their children? Their legacies are defined by scandal and the pain they've caused. Via New York magazine:

"For all the high drama of the Obama-Clinton battle and the historic import of the former's general-election victory over McCain, Edwards's story is equally, lastingly resonant: an archetypal political tragedy in which the very same qualities that fuel any presidential bid -- ego, hubris, vanity, neediness, a kind of delusion -- became all-consuming and self-destructive. And in which the gap between public facade and private reality simply grew too vast to bridge."

He could have done so much more good; he was well on his way. But as so many in positions of power do ::coughTigercough:: he believed he was invincible and let his ego, notoriety, and, well, Little Johnny take over.

What a waste.

VIDEO- SNL: John Edwards, John Ensign, Mark Sanford fight for "public affairs" attention

By GottaLaff



The Three Stooges.

VIDEO- Plouffe: "Thanks John McCain" for picking Palin + John Edwards "as craven as you think."

By GottaLaff

Ouch:

George Stephanopoulos got an advance copy of David Plouffe's new book, The Audacity to Win, and learns that John Edwards "is as craven as you think."

"Sometime after the South Carolina debate Plouffe got a call from a senior Edwards advisor who said Edwards was willing to announce the end of his campaign and join forces with Obama to defeat Clinton. When Plouffe asked if he could raise this with Obama the Edwards advisor said, 'Yes... Just to be clear we're going to talk to the Clinton people too. That's not where John's heart is, but he is at the point of maximum leverage now.'

Writes Plouffe: "Obama's answer was quick and firm: he would cut no deals."

Then there's this suh-weet little video clip of his gratitude toward John McCain for picking you-know-who as a running mate:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

He's still thanking him, because "centrists and moderates are leaving [the Republican party] in droves."

Popcorn, anyone?

National Enquirer! The Edwards Affair! Must use !!s

By GottaLaff

It's a slow day. Indulge me, if only for the punctuation:

Elizabeth Edwards has finally had enough - she's threatened to divorce her cheating husband John and claim her share of their $53 million fortune!

The ENQUIRER has learned Elizabeth dropped the divorce bombshell after learning a former campaign aide is claiming Rielle Hunter, the mother of Edwards' love child, isn't the only woman he seduced on the campaign trail!

Furious at his betrayals, Elizabeth - still battling Stage 4 breast cancer - has vowed to destroy her husband of 32 years by disclosing everything she knows about his political career in divorce court, insiders say.

"Elizabeth had always sworn she wouldn't divorce John. But every person has a breaking point, and Elizabeth's friends believe she's reached hers," an insider told The ENQUIRER.

"Elizabeth made it clear to John that she will take him for everything he's got. She will divorce him and claim their $53 million fortune. [...]

"Elizabeth basically told John that if she found out that was true, she'd have to divorce him because then he'd be a 'serial cheater.'"

Wow! The Enquirer used exclamation points! That must mean this post is newsworthy and juicy and stuff! Watch for the next issue to feature Letterman! Wow!

They sure know some knowledgeable insiders! What a story!

Wow!


!


Wow!

John Edwards May Admit to Paternity of Child

By GottaLaff

In other news, the C Street Gang may admit to infidelity:

"The story of the spectacular rise and fall of John Edwards, with its sordid can't-look-away dimensions, is moving slowly but deliberately to its conclusion here in North Carolina," the New York Times reports.

While Edwards "remains largely secluded at his 100-acre estate," he is said to be "moving toward an abrupt reversal in his public posture; associates said in interviews that he is considering declaring that he is the father of Ms. Hunter's 19-month-old daughter, something that he once flatly asserted in a television interview was not possible."

Attaboy, John. Admit that you lied about lying about lying about the affair you never had and the baby you never fathered. That should redeem you.

However, friends of Mr. Edwards and his wife Elizabeth "say she has resisted the idea of her husband's claiming paternity" and "has yet to be brought around."

Also buried in the story is a revelation taken from Edwards aid Andrew Young's book proposal: "He wrote that Mr. Edwards once calmed an anxious Ms. Hunter by promising her that after his wife died, he would marry her in a rooftop ceremony in New York with an appearance by the Dave Matthews Band."

I nearly started to write about how sickened I've been over this, because, you know, Edwards had accomplished some great things in his political career...

...but I've suddenly lost my appetite for trying to cling to the positive.

Sources: Edwards to admit paternity of ex-mistress' child

By GottaLaff

I wasn't even going to bother with this story, but it's one of those that everyone's buzzing about, and it is news, so...

Sources have told WRAL News that they expect former U.S. Sen. John Edwards to admit that he is the father of his former mistress' 18-month-old daughter.

So when does the news story start? Oh. That was it? But we already knew that.

He has denied fathering her daughter, saying his relationship with Hunter ended before the child was conceived.

It's always the cover-up.... How can someone so smart be so stupid? With judgment like that, it's a good thing he quit the 2008 race. Boy, did we dodge a bullet with that one.

A federal grand jury is investigating whether Edwards' campaign funds were illegally paid to Hunter to keep quiet about the affair. [...]

Sources said Edwards' public admission could come before the end of the criminal investigation.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to shower off.

H/t: Taegan

VIDEO: "100 percent John Edwards is the father...They definitely communicate."

By GottaLaff



Next thing you know, we'll find out he moved to C Street:

In an interview on Entertainment Tonight, the sister of John Edwards' former mistress says the former presidential candidate is the father of her niece.

Said Roxanne Druck: "I personally have not seen any results for the DNA test, but I can tell you 100 percent John Edwards is the father of my sister's child."

As for whether or not the two are in contact, Druck said, "They definitely communicate. They have a daughter. They definitely communicate."

So much promise, such lousy judgment. See, trolls? We write about Democratic idiots, too.

Cartoon of the Day

Click to enlarge, via.

Joe Trippi: Stephanopoulos Report about Edwards Sabotage False

By GottaLaff

Yesterday I posted that there was some hanky-pankitude going on in the Edwards campaign. Now we hear it was all a dream:

Joe Trippi, a senior strategist for the John Edwards presidential campaign, uses Twitter to respond to yesterday's report from George Stephanopoulos that some Edwards staffers were prepared to sabotage the campaign if rumors about the candidate's infidelity proved true:

"Complete BS -- fantasyland -- not true."

Disney would roll over in his grave if he knew there was actual b.s. in Sleeping Beauty's castle.

Edwards Staffers Planned to "Bring Down" Campaign

By GottaLaff

Democrats first:

George Stephanopoulos reports that by late December 2007 several people in John Edwards' inner circle began to think that rumors he had an affair were true.

"Several of them had gotten together and devised a 'doomsday' strategy of sorts. Basically, if it looked like Edwards was going to win the Democratic Party nomination, they were going to sabotage his campaign, several former Edwards' staffers have told me. They said they were Democrats first, and if it looked like Edwards was going to become the nominee, they were going to bring down the campaign."

A wise idea. Imagine what would have happened otherwise: President McCain, Vice President Palin.

Secret Grand Jury, Feds Launch Investigation of John Edwards Campaign

By GottaLaff

Inquiring minds may not want to know:

Federal investigators "are sifting through the records of money that helped John Edwards' presidential campaign to determine if any was used to keep quiet his affair with Rielle Hunter," the Charlotte Observer reports.

"Records show that Hunter was paid by a political action committee aligned with Edwards. She received $114,000 to film Edwards as he hopscotched the nation to rally crowds in the fight against poverty."

Edwards acknowledged the investigation to the Raleigh News and Observer: "I am confident that no funds from my campaign were used improperly. However, I know that it is the role of government to ensure that this is true. We have made available to the United States both the people and the information necessary to help them get the issue resolved efficiently and in a timely matter. We appreciate the diligence and professionalism of those involved and look forward to a conclusion."

Who broke the story? Once again, it was the National Enquirer.

Sleaze Factor: Rising. John Edwards' star: Fallen.

John Edwards: Vomit-Inducer Extraordinaire

By GottaLaff

Via Oliver, we get one revolting revelation...

Despite feeling deeply deceived, Elizabeth Edwards nonetheless publicly stood by her husband’s side, lending his candidacy the aura of a warm, loving family life.

But she had actually wanted him to quit the race to protect the family. Edwards admitted the hanky-panky to her days after declaring his candidacy in 2006 - almost a year before the National Enquirer reported it.

... and from the AP, we get another:

Elizabeth Edwards writes in a new memoir that news of her husband's affair made her vomit in a bathroom.

Biggest understatement of the year: I am so freaking glad this jerk wasn't our candidate.

If he had been, we'd be forced to endure President John Sidney McCain today.

All dolled up: Joe the Action Figure, Beach Blanket Obama, Sarah Palin Schoolgirl

By GottaLaff

As much as I hate to subject you to this kind of thing, I feel obligated to keep you informed:

(Click on image to enlarge)

Forgive me? No? Well, think of the fun you'll have! Imagine the confrontations between Beach Blanket Obama and Super Hero Sarah over media treatment! If only they'd come up with Self-Pitying Sarah and Joe the War Correspondent.

Please note the equal opportunity dollage: John Edwards in a "Rogue" tee, Biden in a "Joe the V.P." outfit, and Spitzer sporting a spiffy "No. 9" shirt. But what's up with Gramm-pa McCain looking like Joe the Hypocrite's twin?

John Edwards breaks his silence

By GottaLaff

Here's the latest:

Former Democratic presidential nominee John Edwards “will break almost three months of public silence when he speaks at 7 p.m. today” at the Indiana University Auditorium. Edwards will deliver a speech, give his reaction to the election, and answer students’ questions. [...]

The San Francisco Chronicle reports that Edwards will also be debating Karl Rove at a "mortgage bankers convention" hosted by the Commercial Financial Association. The Chronicle notes Edwards was once a consultant for the New York hedge fund Fortress Investment Group.

I'd love to see that!