Dumping BushCo Foes for Dummeez

By GottaLaff

It's simple, boys and girls! Watch and see how easy it is to get someone who won't do your bidding, fired! Jack Abramoff and his creepy colleagues did it, and so can you! Tired of those employees who won't let you use them for political gain and power grabs? You are? Well, just dump 'em! It's as simple as pie! All you gotta do is follow the bouncing e-mails*:

Jan. 29 [2001]: Rudy to a Greenberg colleague: "We need to get the background material on stayman to ken mehlman. . . . He said he would kill him."

Colleague to Rudy: "What???"

Rudy to colleague: "Mehlman said he would get him fired."

Colleague to Rudy: "Excellent."

May 9: Kladakis to Rudy: "I have not forgotten your concern about Alan Stayman -- we just have had to work on filling our top positions before focusing on the possibly problematic people."

June 11: Rudy to Kladakis: "Stayman is a term appointment and his current term ends June 23. If not renewed, that would be it for Al. Any news?"

June 14: Rudy to Kladakis: "Here is a perfect candidate for stayman's job."

June 18: Rudy to Schlapp: "There is a Clintonista . . . scheduled to be renewed on the 23rd of this month unless action is taken. . . . Is there any way you can weigh in presidential personnel?"

Schlapp to Kladakis: "How do we fix this?"

Kladakis to Schlapp: "I need to know if Stayman is a career or a political appointee. . . . I think we can do something about it, but I'm trying to figure out what is the best way to go about it. I don't want a firing scandal on our hands."

June 20: Kladakis to Schlapp: "Good news -- State is going to inform Stayman that his term is not going to be extended, so as of June 30 he will be gone. I will let Tony Rudy know."

June 25: Abramoff to Ralston: "We have been informed that [Stayman] . . . may be retained . . . by the Bush Administration. . . . We think Mr. Stayman's retention would be a serious mistake." The e-mail cited allegations that aides to Stayman in a previous job were involved in improper political efforts and that Stayman had donated money to Democrats. "We urge you to intercede and block the appointment."

June 26: Ralston to Schlapp: "Do you know anything about this?"

Schlapp to Ralston: "Yes, we are all over it. This is a problem."

June 29: Ralston to Rove: "I'm getting many calls from conservatives really angry about this. . . . State is lying about reasons for keeping Stayman on board."

July 2: Ralston to Stephen J. Hadley, then deputy national security adviser: "Karl asked me to pass this email [from Abramoff] on to you. . . . Can you help?"

July 5: Rove to Schlapp: "where are we on this?"

July 6: White House personnel official Stuart W. Holliday to Jack Oliver, then deputy chairman of Republican National Committee: "We pulled the plug on him -- he will be cycling out."

July 9: Ralston to Abramoff: "He'll be out in 4 months."

Abramoff to Ralston: "Great. Thanks."

There you have it! String-pulling is a snap... if you hang with the right crowd, that is! And if that doesn't work, kiddies, hire a hit man. Just make sure you don't get caught.

*Follow the link to find out who all these people are.