By GottaLaff
To Womb It May Concern:
If I get really, really mad at an embryo, can I sue him/her? Can 2 embryos legally marry? Do African American embryos have the same rights as white ones? Questions abound! My mind is reeling! There are more embryonic-rights questions than you can shake a test tube at! They're everywhere... all around us... The womb is spinning....
On Tuesday the group Colorado for Equal Rights submitted 131,245 signatures to place an initiative on the November ballot that would define a fertilized embryo as a person. Voters will decide on the measure that would amend the state Constitution to extend a fertilized embryo equal rights and protections. It would define "any human being from the moment of fertilization" as a "person" for purposes of the state's constitutional provisions "relating to inalienable rights, equality of justice and due process of law."
But wait. Just who are these microscopic beings? When do they become beings at all? Who decides? The Embryo Fairy? The Judge and Jury of the Embryonic CourtWomb?
Never mind that the 'moment of fertilization' is not a medical definition and is almost impossible to determine. Consensus from women's rights organizations is that the amendment would be catastrophic for women and their ability to determine their own futures. Doctors and legal rights experts say the amendment could trigger governmental investigations into miscarriages, restrict in-vitro fertilization by couples trying to conceive, and could limit birth-control methods.
What about twins, triplets, quintuplets? Will Mommy get fined for failing to improve overcrowded conditions? Do the embryos owe their mothers womb and board? Will they set a new precedent for went contwol? If a pregnant woman robs a bank, is the embryo an accomplice? Would there be an ultrasonic police lineup?
And to those hundred thousand-plus Coloradoans who endorsed the measure into being, if they so passionately believe in equal rights, what about the gay embryos? Equality still fair game? Just a thought.
Let's not start spreading wombers about gay embryos. It might throw the whole initiative process into a tizzy.
.jpg)