By GottaLaff
"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!
Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
It was a big week for the Scandinavians. PRESIDENT OBAMA accepted the Nobel Peace Prize in Norway. There was a big Global Warming conferance in Denmark and TIGER WOODS got clobbered by a Swede.Again he kills us with humor? Oy, we can only hope F.I.L. keeps this up into 2010.
TIGER WOODS' caddie STEVE WILLIAMS says he had no knowledge of TIGER'S ongoing affairs. He said, "I just carry the clubs. TIGER'S personal baggage is his own responsibility."
JOHN EDWARDS has reportedly bought a home for his former mistress. Now if we can get TIGER to do that for his mistresses we could jump-start the housing market back to where it was.
TIGER is losing a lot of his endorsements because of the scandal, but you don't have to worry about him. He's so rich, when he flies his wallet is considered carry-on luggage.
There was a huge protest at the Global Climate Conference in Denmark. At one point it got so bad the police had to play an AL GORE speech over the loud speakers just to sedate the crowd.
When PRESIDENT OBAMA accepted the Nobel Peace Prize last week he was humbled because he knows the country is still involved in on-going wars. I'm talking about Iraq, Afghanistan and the big one between TIGER and ELIN.
According to new statistics, 44 percent of Americans wish PRESIDENT BUSH was back in office. Only 20 percent if you leave out the comedy writers.
The Golden Globe nominations came out this week and JOE LEIBERMAN picked up a nomination for "Best Senator Acting Like An Insurance Company Salesman."
The Senate canceled their re-enactment of the Christmas Nativity Scene this year. They couldn't find "Three Wise Men."
A big snowstorm hit the East Coast. It was so cold in New York's Central Park the flashers were handing out 8 by 10 glossies.
A robin was seen eating a thermal worm.
The latest blizzard really affected our Nation's Capital. Congress found out they weren't the only ones who can give America a snowjob.
There was a lot of snow in Washington D.C. It was the first time they saw that much white stuff since former Mayor, MARION BARRY, was in office.
It was so cold, former congressman TOM DELAY was forced to wrap himself in TWO American flags.
And it was so cold in South Carolina, Senator LINDSEY GRAHAM'S red neck turned blue.
The hot selling item this Christmas is the "Marquis De Sade Doll." -- You wind it up and it throws itself under the "Betsy Wetsy Doll."
Another Christmas bestseller is the "Jewish Mother Doll." -- You pull the string and it says "Again you pulled the string?"
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