DeLay's orthopedic booties

By GottaLaff

I never thought I'd see the day when I'd be writing about Tom Delay's bootie. Oh, sorry. Booties.. plural. Whew!

Now I can continue in peace:

It’s the end of the road for Tom DeLay.

I'm likin' this post more and more every second.

Sources tell PEOPLE that the former Republican House Majority Leader will withdraw from Dancing with the Stars on Tuesday’s live results show due to stress fractures in both of his feet.

Both of his left feet, they mean.

He was going to beg off, despite doctor's orders, but thought the better (or worse) of it:

“What’s a little pain when we can party?”

Story of his life.

They’re starting to tell me I shouldn’t have done this,” he said of his feet, which were dressed in orthopedic booties after the show. “I ice them. I’ve got a bone stimulator machine that I put on them.”

::double, triple, quadruple take:: I beg your pardon? Whaaa? A "bone stimulator machine"? Is that what they call it on DWTS?

Poor ol' Tom. Now we know why he needs that orthopedic bootie... size small.*

*Yes, I specialize in sophomoric humor. Especially when obvious straight lines scream for it.