General Casey: Obama's Surge Won't Require Longer Tours, Shorter Leaves

By GottaLaff

No stop loss, no longer tours? Really?

Gen. George W. Casey, the U.S. army's chief of staff, said Wednesday that the military would be able to implement President Obama's surge in Afghanistan without either extending the current length of tours in Iraq or Afghanistan or giving soldiers less time at home with their families between deployments.

He also said that the president's decision to send 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan for at least the next 18 months would not require the army to reinstitute an unpopular program known as "stop loss," which prevented soldiers from leaving the army as previously scheduled.

Our troops are so pooped, frayed, suicidal, PTSD'd, drugged, alcoholic'd, stretched to the limit. They need a break.

Hey, I know! Let's stop fighting!

There I go being naive again.

Sarah You-Know-Who: "I could live with" being called "President Palin"

By GottaLaff

Barbie McLipSchmutz was in Florida, surrounding herself with 2012 groupies. She is basking and reveling in her Love-Me Book Tour the way The Boehner basks and revels in vats of self-tanner:

"I addressed her as 'President Palin,' " said Debbie McMillan of Orlando. "She said, 'I like that very much — I could live with that.' " [...]

When she appeared inside, the crowd cheered loudly and chanted "President Palin." [...]

[T]he throng chanted "Sarah," some waving signs and many sporting buttons urging her to seek the presidency in 2012. [...]

Sheila Schulte, 54, a resident of The Villages who was wearing a button on a red, white and blue scarf that read "Sarah Palin for President 2012," leaned over and thanked Palin for serving as a great inspiration.

Palin responded, "You're welcome and I like your pin."

Oh please take this to heart, Barbie. Run. Run. Run.

H/t: Think Progress

Joke-O'-The-Day: The Glenn Beck Comedy Tour. Oh, wait. He's serious.

By GottaLaff

I've tried to avoid posting this for hours, because I'm very tired of Glenn Beck getting so much attention, but it's a story that is circulating a lot, and I'm here to inform. So with that, I'll subject you to this against my will, and most likely, against yours:

Glenn Beck, Fox News Channel's latest sensation, is taking a comedy show on the road for six live performances over six days during the first week of June.

Beck calls his act a "poor man's Seinfeld" and intends to mix topical humor with his modern-day reimagining of Thomas Paine's 1776 pamphlet "Common Sense."

Comparing himself to Seinfeld will most assuredly be the funniest thing you will ever, ever hear that cretin say.

I will not post any details of his little laughingstock tour.

The live shows give him the chance to see firsthand what sort of themes are resonating among his regular followers, Beck said. [...]

"I learn something from the audience," he said. "I know my thoughts but I can see their reaction to things."

Note to Glenn Drek: You are not the least bit funny. Sick, yes. An oddity, yes. A spectacle, yes. Funny, no.

Bush twins showed Obama girls White House tricks

By GottaLaff

Wanna know how mature I'm being right now? I'm showing an enormous amount of self-discipline by refraining from making any jokes about the title of this post. Not one. I deserve a damn medal for that:

Malia and Sasha Obama learned a few tricks from Barbara and Jenna Bush on their recent visit to the White House, like how to slide down the solarium ramp, bottom first.

President George W. Bush's 27-year-old twin daughters showed Malia, 10, and Sasha, 7, their bedrooms, helped them jump on a bed and taught them a few ways to have fun, their mother Laura Bush said Wednesday on ABC television's "Good Morning America" program.

The Bush goils were guilty of aiding and a-bedding. See? That was a good ol' wholesome pun:

The twins also "aided and abetted" the Obama girls' running jump onto a tall bed.

Refraining. Mouth zipped. Typing fingers behaving...

I wonder if Jenna and Not Jenna shared this trick.

So much for my self-imposed snark blackout.

UPDATE: It just occurred to me that the Bush girls are the same age as Obama's speech writer.

I've just deleted three different punch lines to that set-up. I'll leave it at that.

Snark-infested White House tour guide

By GottaLaff

This is so worth a "click to enlarge":

Yesterday, the Bushes gave the Obamas the grand tour of the executive mansion. We imagine it went something like this:

(Via; click on image to enlarge)