VIDEO: “Having sex before you are married is just like juggling machetes!”

By GottaLaff


Holy mother of whomever it is people refer to, check this out:

Derek Dye, [is] a “comedic juggler” who uses his skills to teach middle school children abstinence-only policies. Dye tells children lines such as, “Having sex before you are married is just like juggling machetes!” and “Sex before marriage will destroy all of your life’s dreams!” As Amplify Your Voice explains:

Thanks to George W. Bush and a complicit Congress, we currently spend $1.5 billion a year to fund abstinence-only until marriage sex education in our public schools. And yes, that money goes to people like Derek Dye, as he is employed by the Elizabeth New Life Center that received a $800,000 CBAE grant in 2007 to promote abstinence until marriage. His qualifications? A “Bachelor of Fun Arts” from Barnum Bailey Clown College, and an abstinence educator certification that can be purchased for $50.

(via TAPPED)

All my life's dreams, up in smoke. Had I only known! I hadn't realized that my fulfilling and successful careers weren't what I thought they were, and the money I've earned didn't exist.

I wish I'd had my eyes opened by the juggler to what I've always thought was a really good marriage. What a revelation to realize that Mr. Laffy and I have had a miserable life together with our amazing kids in a house located in a swell neighborhood.

Had I only had a clown to advise me about premarital sex being the equivalent of tossing around very sharp objects that could kill or maim me, I would have avoided all those intimate moments of love and affection!

My dreams and aspirations have hereby been retroactively shattered.