Sarah Palin Bombs At Wine Wholesalers Expo

By GottaLaff

We anticipated Winey McJokeBomb's Big Keynote Speech here. We confirmed it here. But we heard nary a first-hand, eyewitness peep about it... until now:

Here comes Palin!

Big hair, white jacket. And now a salute to the "beautiful people working so hard in Nevada."

Heck yeah, I want to speak at this convention! Three bad wine puns in a row: "Going rosé", "stand on a wine box (instead of a soap box)", "in good spirits".

Apparently Todd is in a snow race this weekend. Wow, this woman could have been president. Shudder.

[Editor: What is the crowd's reaction?]

TOTAL SILENCE

For this she gets paid the big bucks.

There is more fun to be had here. Heck yeah!

H/t: Ellen

Palin and pot

By GottaLaff

(via)

Reefy McSoundsHigh doesn't need weed. She's dazed and confused enough without it. On the other hand, pot might help make her appear more lucid, not less. One never knows, does one?

What was my point here? Sorry, I'm on a natural high and can barely put two Twinkies together. .. .. Oh yes.

Considering Reefy's endorsement of the Wines and Spirits that Be, you'd think she'd take Nevadans for Sensible Marijuana Laws (NSML) up on their offer to speak at one of their events. After all, money's money, right?

Did I mention they pay 25 grand?

At Caesar’s Palace on Wednesday former Alaska governor Sarah Palin will deliver the keynote address at the Wine & Spirits Wholesalers of America’s national convention.

Immediately following that speech, Dave Schwartz, the campaign manager for Nevadans for Sensible Marijuana Laws (NSML), will offer Palin $25,000 to deliver a similar address to supporters of a regulated marijuana market in this country.

He makes some good arguments for legalizing marijuana here.

There is no word on what she got paid to speak on behalf of Monsieur Beau Jolais and Mademoiselle Char Donnay. And I bet she didn't know wine was a gateway drink to the dreaded hardcore Alaskan Polar Bear.

Bonus Video! Here are Cheech and Chong discussing why they'd want to smoke pot with Reefy:

Al Franken to keynote Netroots Nation convention

By GottaLaff

Worth the price of admission:

Sen. Al Franken, D-Minnesota, will headline the upcoming Netroots Nation convention, organizers announced Thursday.

Netroots Nation is the most prominent gathering of liberal bloggers each year. The three day convention begins July 22 in Las Vegas and Franken will deliver the keynote address on July 25.

I'm trying to figure out a way to make it there this year. Now I have an even bigger incentive.

Previous keynote speakers have been Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Nancy Pelosi. Franken's in good company.

Palin's Excellent Pre-Screened Q & A Adventure

By GottaLaff

Despite all that media attention, this is something I hadn't heard said aloud. If it was, in fact, broadcast on the Tee Vee Machine, it wasn't repeated as often as the ad nauseam, ad infintum promos for her Big Keynote Speech were:

Sarah Palin is expected to take the stage here tonight at 9, and speak for about 30 to 45 minutes. She will then take about 15 minutes of pre-screened, pre-selected questions.

Organizers say they aren’t sure if Palin has seen the questions in advance.

What can she possibly have in to say that will take that long? Then again, one lousy Speaky McWordSalad sentence should cover that entire time span.

And it is not at all surprising that LipSchmutz McBush3 will only take pre-screened questions. But uh-oh! If she uses a teleprompter or notes, there goes another Rushpublic talking point.

Gosh, I wonder if the Tea Tantrumers hired seat fillers for the occasion:

"It’s going to be really embarrassing for [Palin] to walk into a half-empty room"

By GottaLaff

In a previous post, I put up a screen shot that revealed that Barbie McCan'tFillARoom can't fill a room.

Why, here it is now!


So now it's today and today I felt like toddling over to The Mudflats. Oh my! I stumbled upon confirmation of the red highlighted text in the screen grab (click it to enlarge)!

Tea Party Nation founder Judson Phillips likely assumed that scoring a dinner speech by the former Alaska governor and GOP vice presidential candidate would guarantee a huge turnout for his National Tea Party Convention, scheduled to start Feb. 4 at Nashville’s Gaylord Opryland Hotel. But according to Tea Party insiders, the tickets for the Palin banquet aren’t selling—and some conservative activists who have already paid to attend are now demanding refunds. With the controversial event shaping up to be a potential flop, some Tea Partiers are urging Palin to cancel her speech to avoid a humiliating public relations disaster.

Palin is reportedly receiving $115,000 to speak at the affair. That’s only $10,000 less than her annual salary as governor of Alaska.

But wait! There's more!

One of the organizers of the event also confesses that most of the tickets to Palin’s speech remain unsold. “I really hope that Sarah Palin doesn’t come to this event because it’s going to be really embarrassing for her to walk into a half-empty room,” he said.

Given all the negative publicity, [Anthony] Shreeve is surprised Palin hasn’t pulled out already. “In her contract she is allowed to send a representative if she can’t make it if she’s sick or something. Maybe she’ll come down with the flu,” he says with a laugh. He adds that Tea Partiers have written her letters pleading with her not to come because they believe that reports of a glitzy, high-priced dinner would hurt the real Tea Party movement, which prides itself on its thrifty, grassroots image.

The Mudflats has more here.

Sarah Palin possible guest at Daytona 500

By GottaLaff

Ofcourseyoubetcha don'tchaknow andhowmoreover, Barbie McLipSchmutz requested a credential for the Daytona 500 also too. It will no doubt be the first time she's been credentialed to do anything.

What's a Daytona to do?

“Let’s showcase her just like we would our Mayor or our Governor or anyone else,” DIS President Robin Braig said. “With NASCAR’s blessing we probably will see her at the driver’s meeting.” [...]

Last year’s Daytona 500 drivers meeting featured Tim Tebow, Tom Cruise and Keith Urban among its guests.

Barbie's speaking at an annual greater Daytona Chamber dinner in a few days, too. Wowzers, she's bi-Daytonal!

As for showcasing her, she does a dandy job of that all by herself. "Looka-me!" should be the name of her ghost writer's next Facebook blog entry, which can be turned into a book, which can springboard her (or her ghost writer) into yet another bid for whatever she feels she can quit the fastest.

As Andy Marquis just said to me:

"Perfect arrangement for Palin to do another TV interview. The Daytona 500 is on FOX."

H/t: Andy Marquis

Guess who gets to cover the Tea Party convention? And who doesn't!

By GottaLaff

Sarah Palin is the keynote speaker at the Big TeaBagger Event. At least this time the press won't be entirely barred. In fact, in an odd "coincidence", she insisted that she be covered this time:

The five approved outlets are: Fox News, Breitbart.com, Townhall.com, World Net Daily and The Wall Street Journal. All five are widely considered to be Right-leaning organizations.

That's funny. I don't see The Nation, MSNBC, the New York Times, Talking Points Memo, HuffingtonPost, Daily Kos, The Political Carnival... (I just threw that last one in there for fun).

The National Tea Party Convention will be held Feb. 4-6 at the Opryland Hotel. In addition to Palin, scheduled speakers include Rep. Marsha Blackburn and Rep. Michelle Bachmann.

Maybe their exlusion is a good thing. Exposure to both Palin and Bachmann at one event could very well result in Exploding Head Syndrome. And everyone knows that would very likely hinder the reporting.

Special twist ending to post: Click on the image above to enlarge and read the red text.

H/t: Think Progress

Palin to address alcohol industry event in Vegas

By GottaLaff

What a perfect match... Although, one would be hard-pressed to distinguish between a Barbie McLipSchmutz drunken state and her normal, er, usual one.

The ClusterFox gig can't hold a candle to this Big Do:

[A]ccording to Craig Wolf, the president and CEO of the Wine and Liquor Wholesalers of America, who announced Tuesday that Palin will keynote the group's annual convention and expo in Las Vegas in early April.

"Governor Palin is a great supporter of America's free enterprise system and understands that industries like the beverage alcohol industry play a key role in driving our national economy. We're proud and honored to welcome her as a speaker," Wolf said in a statement. "We expect she will share with the convention attendees her analysis of the current political environment and her vision for America's future."

Yes, by all means, hang on to every analytical word Barbie also's out of her mouth. Her gift of in-depth, critical thinking is perfectly suited to an industry that depends on the inability of their clientele to walk and talk unimpeded.

Uh-oh. I feel a caveat coming on...

An aide to Palin was not immediately available to confirm the WLWA appearance.

Aide-ing and abetting the quititude. How many times has Babs backed out of an engagement now? 5? 12? 18139312?

Maybe the sweet scent of succes-- um, 80-proof will entice her to commit.

Or a couple of hundred grand.

Pay(lin) to Play

By GottaLaff

In this economy, Barbie McLipSchmutz expects to rake in nearly $350 a head to endure her verbal runoff? Who knew unemployed Facebook bloggers could get away with charging more than the price of an iPhone? At $.00000349, she still wouldn't be giving them their money's worth.

Yes, EveryAmerican U.S.A. has to cough up that much cash for a glimpse of Stupidity Walking. Nice. Way to be inclusive, Barbie:

It will cost you $349 to hear Sarah Palin give the keynote address at the National Tea Party Convention in February.

I guess this is the new face of American wealth:

Sarah the Bowler, Willard the Skier

By GottaLaff

This is what it's come to? Really?

At this rate, Cheney could speak at the Skeet Shooters' Association of America, Man on Dog" Santorum could keynote the convention for pit bull fighting enthusiasts, and Newtie G. would be left with doing stand-up at the ever-popular National Tiddlywinks Annual Barbeque:

Joshua Green: "Recently, word came that Sarah Palin would address the Bowling Proprietors' Association of America's annual convention next year. This struck me as a coup for bowlers, but evidently they're not of one mind about Palin... Today, a highly placed source in the skiing industry notified me that Mitt Romney, unwilling to cede sports enthusiasts to Palin, will address the annual convention of the National Ski Areas Association in Florida next year. On the one hand, this is kind of a twofer--Romney hits the mountain swing states (Colorado, New Mexico) and Florida, too. On the other hand, skiing rather reinforces the out-of-touch-rich-guy image Romney is trying to play down, doesn't it? Seems like the GOP primary could soon shape up as a contest between salt-of-the-earth, bowling-class Republicans, and elite ski-track Republicans."

Gutter ball.

For $549 you too can see Palin at Nashville tea party!

By GottaLaff

Barbie McLipSchmutz will be the keynote speaker at a Nashville tea party. Perfect. Now all she has to do is actually show up. And then learn to speak. And then not quit in the middle. And then...

Palin will be in Nashville for the tea party convention held Feb. 4 to 6 at Gaylord Opryland.

Tickets are $549 each.

H/t: 1kecko

In Bed with Big Insurance: Dick Armey to keynote 2010 insurance summit

By GottaLaff

I have a feeling Rachel Maddow will be all over this:

HSG and CodeBlue are proud to announce Dick Armey, former House Majority Leader, will address attendees at the insurance industry's most informational and educational conference for insurance industry executives, the 2010 North American Insurance Claims Summit, February 17-18, 2010. The keynote address will take place Wednesday morning during the conference being held at the Westin Tampa Harbour Island in Tampa, FL. Mr. Armey will speak to this year's theme Achieving Competitive Advantage in a Challenging Marketplace.

Flashback time:





America first, right "Dick"?

H/t: MicCheckRadio (Christy Harvey)

Rev. Rick Warren to be keynote speaker at Islamic Society of North America

By GottaLaff

As the title of the article says, "Jumping Jihad!! Rev. Warren goes Wahhabi!"

The Islamic Society of North America (ISNA), an organization with ties to Hamas and other terrorist groups, will hold its annual convention—the largest yearly gathering of Muslims on the continent—in Washington, D.C. over the Fourth of July weekend.

And the keynote speaker will be Reverend Rick Warren, founder and senior minister of the Saddleback Church, an evangelical mega-church located in Lake Forest, California. [...]

Why did Rev. Warren commit to appear at such a controversial gathering?

The nation’s leading Protestant evangelist was unavailable for comment, but his scheduled visit at the convention follows ISNA leader Sayyid Syeed’s appearance at the Saddleback Church last December.

Much more here.

Gasp! What will the Rushpublics say?

Oh that's right... nothing.

Sarah Palin replaced as headliner for Republican dinner

By GottaLaff

She's in. She's out. She's in. She's out. She's in. She's... Oh. Sorry. I got carried away.

She's out:

Sarah Palin will no longer headline a major Republican dinner in June, a Republican official told CNN Tuesday.

Let's give credit where credit's due. It must have been really hard to screw up something this prominently publicized. Those Palin staffers, they're so on top of things. Their boss must be extra crispy yummy leadership material.

Oh well. Water under the volcano. I'm sure they found someone even better. Someone who holds a special place in the vacuum where all those Rushpublic hearts should be. Someone even more attractive, both physically and politically:

Former House speaker Newt Gingrich will replace Palin as the keynote speaker at a joint fundraising dinner held by the campaign committees of Senate and House Republicans.

See?

Premature Keynote-ication: Nobody told Sarah Palin

By GottaLaff

There must be a pill fo premature keynote-ification. We do know that there's a real pill who wasn't notified:

Congressional Republican leaders made headlines on Monday when they announced that Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin would be the keynote speaker at a major fundraising dinner in June. But it appears the former vice presidential nominee's political staff never told her.

Bill McAllister, a spokesman for the governor, said she was aware of the invitation, but that she had not actually accepted it.

"I communicated with the governor directly and she did not know anything about it," McAllister told the Anchorage Daily News in a story published Tuesday. "I pointed out the (National Republican Senatorial Committee) press release and she was like, 'No.'"

Omigod, "she was like, 'No'"! And McAllister was all, no way! And she was all, this is soooo lame! And he was all, I know right? But it's like, all over the news, and stuff! And she was all, this sucks so bad!

The dispute appears to stem from a miscommunication between Palin's gubernatorial staff and aides that work for her political action committee, SarahPAC. Palin created SarahPAC in part to pay for out-of-state political travel.

NRSC spokeswoman Amber Wilkerson said the booking was approved by SarahPAC, but that the governor's staff had not been made aware.

McAllister told CNN that "the governor herself had not confirmed," but left open the possibility that she will still speak at the fundraiser. "As far as I know, it's still under review," he said in an e-mail.

If this is any indication of her team's organization skills, 2012 will be a walk for our side. Here's a thought: Maybe they should have given, say, community organizing a shot before they started playing with the big boys. They might have learned something.

Republicans turn to Sarah Palin for fundraising help

By GottaLaff

Grabby McEarmarks + 2012 = TPC archive fun:

The NRSC and NRCC announced that Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R) will keynote the annual Republican Senate-House dinner on June 8th, which is the biggest fundraising event the GOP will be holding in 2009, according to the AP.

First Read: "If there was any doubt whom the Republican Party sees as its biggest fundraiser in the post-Bush era, this news should probably end it."

Marc Ambinder calls it a sign of Palin's "enduring popularity with the Republican base and a signal that she has not foreclosed on the possibility of a run for president."

She is all they have left. Slim pickin's at best.

Rev. Rick Warren to be keynote speaker at MLK commemorative service on the day before inauguration

By GottaLaff

Who the heck's his booking agent?

Rev. Rick Warren, who is President-elect’s controversial pick to give the invocation at his inauguration on Jan. 20, will be the keynote speaker at Martin Luther King, Jr. Annual Commemorative Service at the historic Ebenezer Baptist Church on the day before the Inauguration, Atlantic Progressive News reports. Before she passed away, King’s wife, Coretta Scott King, declared that gay marriage was a civil rights issue and denounced a proposed constitutional amendment that would ban it.

Here we go again.