Who has socialized health care again? Sarah Tripps up

By GottaLaff

Shannyn Moore has the yummy details about how Preachy McDeathPanel's grandson is covered by socialized health care.

Hyp. O. Crite.

Here is the proof, in part:

Shannyn has Moore.

See what I did there? Wink.


Oh, and did you hear? She lost the big CPAC straw poll.

Levi Johnston to fight Palin for custody of son

By GottaLaff

Via Taegan, this can't end well, although it should provide us with some entertaining posts:

Levi Johnston told The Insider he is now going to take legal action to get joint custody of his son because he had trouble when trying to see him over the weekend.

Said Johnston: "At the end of the month I'm going to file for joint custody of Tripp. Not working. I'm done. It's going to have to go to court. They just finally pushed me over the edge."

I'll be waiting breathlessly for Barbie McLipSchmutz's ghost writer to post a Facebook rebuttal.

VIDEO: Levi Johnston has a lawyer

By GottaLaff



And now we return to today's episode of "As the Stomach Turns". We last saw our young lad Levi Johnston, new father, son of Sherry, on the Larry King Show, putting up his dukes in preparation for a legal battle over Baby Tripp:

Teen father Levi Johnston dropped a bombshell into the middle of the escalating family feud between Johnston’s family and the family of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, whose eldest daughter is the mother of Johnston’s infant son.

In an interview with CNN’s Larry King, Johnston, his mother, and his sister acknowledged that they have a lawyer and are contemplating taking legal action to protect Johnston’s parental rights.

“That is what we’re going to have to do next,” Johnston’s mother, Sherry, said Wednesday on Larry King Live. “We were just hoping that we wouldn’t have to,” Sherry Johnston also said.

But “that is the step we’re going to have to go,” Johnston’s mother said later in the interview.

And who wouldn't listen to the advice a drug pusher?

While the young father and his mother at times appeared hesitant about the prospect of taking formal legal action, Mercede Johnston, Levi Johnston’s younger sister, seemed anxious to get the brewing custody battle in front a judge.

“I hope it happens soon, to be honest” Mercede Johnston said. “I want that baby in my life just as much as he does.”

Levi Johnston also told King that he is not paying any child support to Bristol Palin right now. “I got everything my boy needs back home – diapers, toys, everything. Once we go to court, we’ll deal with that.” [...]

Johnston and his family told King that Johnston is permitted to visit with his son at the Palin home but is not permitted to take the child away from the home.

Will Levi get joint custody long enough to take little Tripp on a rip-roaring snow mobile joy ride? Will Mama Sherry spike Sarah Palin's moose juice with enough Oxycontin to achieve compliance and avoid a nasty court battle? Will the judge order that the Palin family stop choosing oddball names for their babies?

All these questions-- and more-- will be addressed on the next episode of... "As the Stomach Turns".

Palin Family Feud Continues

By GottaLaff

At this rate, the Palin family won't even get parting gifts (original posts here, here, here, here, and here):

The Palin family's continued public fight with Levi Johnston can't help Gov. Sarah Palin's political ambitions.

That is exactly why everyone continues to post about it. Moving along...

Now Palin's father is stepping into it. Chuck Heath told US Weekly that the father of his great grandson "has not contributed anything" for the infant son he fathered with Palin's daughter, Bristol.

Said Heath: I don't agree with what he's doing right now. It's not right. He's broke, so he's trying to capitalize on this. I wish he'd take some of this money he's making and buy some diapers with it."

If Levi is broke, how can he afford anything, let alone diapers? As for Levi "capitalizing" on his interviews, I don't recall talk shows paying the big bucks to their guests. In fact, they're notorious for doing just the opposite.

But that's not important now. What is important is that the Palins are perpetuating this soap opera beyond our wildest expectations. I look forward to the next episode with baited breath and itchy typing fingers.

Sarah Palin Lashes Out at Levi Johnston for Sex Talk on "Tyra"

By GottaLaff

Good lord, the Palin family is everywhere these days, aren't they? It's time for yet another episode of Shooty McMouthOff Does It Again:

After taking about sex on The Tyra Banks Show, Johnston – the 18-year-old father of Bristol Palin's baby – was hit with a blistering response from Bristol's mother, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin.

"Bristol did not even know Levi was going on the show. We're disappointed that Levi and his family, in a quest for fame, attention, and fortune, are engaging in flat-out lies, gross exaggeration, and even distortion of their relationship," says the statement from the Palin family rep.

I'msorrywhat? Who exactly is in a quest for fame, attention, and fortune, engages in flat-out lies, gross exaggeration, and even distortion? Pot. Kettle. Hypocrite. See: 2008 Election, Presidential.

"Bristol's focus will remain on raising Tripp, completing her education, and advocating abstinence," the statement continues.

::Scree-e-e-eching halt:: Huh? Bristol advocates abstinence? We already know she doesn't practice it, but didn't she say the opposite... in a video... the video in which she says...

The 18-year-old, who got pregnant at 17 and had a baby in December, said in a televised interview that the abstinence her mother preaches is 'not realistic at all'.

Um, Shooty? Do you even know your daughter? Ahem: Sarah, this is Bristol. Bristol, Sarah. Sarah, Bristol got pregnant out of wedlock. She has a baby. She thinks abstinence is unrealistic. Now by all means, continue:

"It is unfortunate that Levi finds it more appealing to exploit his previous relationship with Bristol than to contribute to the well being of the child."

"The child"? That's what she calls her grandson Tripp? "The child"?

The statement ends, saying, "Bristol realizes now that she made a mistake in her relationship and is the one taking responsibility for their actions."

Harrumph.

In the show airing April 6, Johnston tells Tyra Banks that he believes Sarah Palin knew he and Bristol, 18, were having sex when they lived under her roof. "I'm pretty sure she probably knew. Moms are pretty smart," Johnston says.

Apparently not Bristol's mom.

Bristol Palin goes on the record: Teen pregnancy 'not ideal'

By GottaLaff

That Bristol. She has such a flair for stating the obvious:

In a statement dated Wednesday but posted on the Alaska governor's Web site Friday, Bristol says the pregnancy was "not ideal," but is thankful to have a family who supported her.

“Teenagers need to prevent pregnancy to begin with – this isn’t ideal. But I’m fortunate to have a supportive family which is dealing with this together," Bristol Palin said in the statement. "Tripp is so perfectly precious; we love him with all our hearts. I can’t imagine life without him now.”

What a relief. Could you imagine the uproar had she said, "I'm imagining life without Tripp all the time. He's such a pain in the butt. Life would be so, like, easier and such, if he had never been born. Also." (That last part would have been picked up from Grandma. Two peas, those two!)

That wouldn't have gone over well at all.

In the same statement, Gov. Palin said she at first greeted the news of her daughter's pregnancy with "fear and a bit of despair."

"Isn’t it just like God to turn those circumstances into such an amazing, joyful blessing when you ask Him to help you through?" she said in the statement.

It sure as shootin' is, Grandma. What a heckuva deity he turned out to be. Honestly, I don't know how in the Sam Hill God did it, turning the birth of an adorable, sweet infant into something joyful. Most people hate babies. How wonderful for you that you've learned to accept them, especially because they seem to be so prevalent in your little fam.

Now let's hope you all learn to accept birth control with the same ease and enthusiasm.

Grandma Palin Says Levi Johnston Is Not a High School Dropout

By GottaLaff

I wonder if Levi and Bristol will take correspondence courses in birth control:

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, the former Republican vice presidential candidate, says her future son-in-law is not a high school dropout as the press is reporting.

Palin told The Associated Press on Wednesday that 18-year-old Levi Johnston is enrolled in high school through a correspondence program.

Palin said some media outlets also are erroneously reporting that her 18-year-old daughter, Bristol, is a high school dropout. The governor said her daughter is enrolled in regular high school and also has taken correspondence courses.

I'm sure the press is Tripping all over themselves to make the correction: Levi is not a high school dropout. Nosireebob.

He's just a hormone-laden jock and the very high school-educated son of a drug dealer, who got his equally overzealous, high school-educated girlfriend/daughter of a phony family values, inarticulate vice presidential candidate, pregnant out of wedlock.

The perfect role models. Especially now that we know they are not high school dropouts. That would have been a deal-breaker.

People Magazine: No money, no deals on Bristol Palin baby's pics... so far

By GottaLaff

Is there a story about the Palin family that isn't laughable?

A People magazine executive denied media speculation Tuesday that Bristol Palin made at least $300,000 for giving the publication first shot at photos of her newborn son. [...]

MSNBC's report quoted unnamed sources saying bidding for the baby photos began at $100,000 and increased after Johnston's mother Sherry was arrested on felony drug charges this month involving OxyContin, a potentially addictive prescription painkiller. MSNBC said estimates of the deal were in the $300,000 range.

People managing editor Larry Hackett said the magazine has had "conversations" about photos with a Palin representative but no deal has been made and no money has been given to the Palins.

"Would I like the pictures? I would love the pictures but I don't have them," he said.

Hackett wouldn't elaborate on discussions, however, if they are continuing or how much the magazine would be willing to pay.

"Would we pay for a picture of her and her kid? I don't know. It's something I would consider. It's not something I would rule out of hand," he said.

The $300,000 figure would be appropriate for a sit-down portrait session of the newborn and his parents -- but only if it includes Sarah Palin, said Paul Harris with Pacific Coast News, an entertainment photo agency based in Los Angeles.

And unless Alaska's Republican governor is a presidential contender in 2012, Harris doesn't anticipate escalating interest in paying big money for street photos of her grandson and his teenage mother.

"Maybe if the father left her and went off with Angelina Jolie, but that might not happen," he said.

Above all else, no matter what, we must--must!-- respect the privacy of that paragon of family-values-families, The Palin Bunch, that makes every effort to stay out of the spotlight:

The governor's office on Tuesday did not return requests for comment but has said the baby's birth is a private, family matter.

I'm sure there will be no photos of Grandma DimBulb schlepping Trig and Tripp and Trials and Tribulations around with her, acting as if they are nothing more than movie props. That would be wrong. That would be an invasion of privacy. That would be using her own family for personal gain:

Profiting off a newborn? Nah. She'd never stoop that low.

Tripp Bush?

By GottaLaff

In what respect, Larry?

In an interview with Vanity Fair for its upcoming issue on the Bush White House, Lawrence Wilkerson, former chief of staff to Secretary of State Colin Powell, ripped President Bush, saying that after the 2000 election, Bush’s knowledge of foreign affairs was as poor as that of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R):

We had this confluence of characters—and I use that term very carefully—that included people like Powell, Dick Cheney, Condi Rice, and so forth, which allowed one perception to be “the dream team.” It allowed everybody to believe that this Sarah Palin–like president—because, let’s face it, that’s what he was—was going to be protected by this national- security elite, tested in the cauldrons of fire.

He may have had Grandma Also's expertise, but he has Tripp's diction and communication skills.