George Bush finally speaks... if you can call it that

By GottaLaff

Boy Georgie finally followed the Nation of Dick's lead (what else is new...) and spoke about the Big Torture Issue. But wait, there's more! I posted earlier that he was only answering pre-screened questions, but... wait for it... he took a right turn and went all improv on us:

Former President George W. Bush on Thursday repeated Dick Cheney's assertion that their enhanced interrogation program was legal and garnered valuable information that prevented future terrorist attacks.

In his largest domestic speech since leaving the White House in January, Bush told an audience in southwestern Michigan that after the September 11 attacks, "I vowed to take whatever steps that were necessary to protect you."

Hear that? We're safe because of him! Boy Georgie saved America! Huzzah!

"The first thing you do is ask, what's legal?" he said.

...and then you do the opposite ::best Boy Georgie laugh, heh heh heh::

"What do the lawyers say is possible? I made the decision, within the law, to get information so I can say to myself, 'I've done what it takes to do my duty to protect the American people.' I can tell you that the information we got saved lives."

Um, what "the lawyers said was possible"? That stuff was like, you know, illegal. They concocted all that legality. You got that?

I didn't think so.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the Big Surprise! ::drum roll::

The format of the speech was changed at the last minute when Bush decided to answer questions directly from the audience members, instead of responding to pre-submitted questions provided to a moderator.

That's a first. He must have loosened up a little. He must be feeling less pressured. He must be drinking.

Bush was asked what he thinks about conservative pundits who claim the Obama administration's fiscal policies are opening the door to socialism.

"I've heard talk about that," he said.

Someone must have read the newspaper to him again. That would make, what, twice now?

"I think the verdict is out. I think people are waiting to see what all this means."

Translation: He doesn't understand what any of it means.

The former president earned a noisy standing ovation when asked what he wants his legacy to be.

"Well, I hope it is this: The man showed up with a set of principles, and he was unwilling to sacrifice his soul for the sake of popularity," he said.

Translation: He showed up with barely a whiff of principles (if that), but left them at the White House door; he has no soul, so there was nothing to sacrifice; his poll numbers were too low to even register on a bar chart.

And with that, he collected his fee and scootered on home.