Time for another Stand-Up Comedy Blog

By GottaLaff

"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!

Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law. For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.

A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:

$50-billion scam artist, BERNARD MADOFF, pleaded guilty and was immediately taken from his multi-million dollar penthouse and carted off to prison, but he hasn't given up his lavish lifestyle. At dinner, that first night, MADOFF was heard asking a guard, "What wine goes with slop?"

MADOFF asked for a cell that separates him from the general population because he's really hated. He's afraid, after lights out, what BERNIE did to his investors, his fellow prisoners will try to do to him.

MADOFF and his wife RUTH want to keep $69 million. They say that's not money they swindled. It's just some petty cash they found under the couch cushions while dusting.

In North Korea, they're grooming PRESIDENT KIM JONG-IL'S son to take over for him. We should remind the people of North Korea, this doesn't always work out for the best.

In Washington D.C. this week FIRST LADY MICHELLE OBAMA was at a homeless shelter serving food. Wasn't that nice? Reaching out to the middle class.

Recently, OSAMA BIN LADEN celebrated his 52nd birthday. It was an intimate gathering, just the immediate terrorists. They lit the candles, OSAMA made a wish and blew UP the cake.

Apparently OSAMA is going through a mid-life crisis. He just bought himself a bright red 1965 camel.

RUSH LIMBAUGH'S face was on the March 9th cover of Newsweek with a black strip over his lips. It was either that or posting a caution requiring all readers to remain seated until RUSH'S mouth has come to a complete stop.

They were going to show his whole body, but decided against it. The way he's built, it would have had to be continued on the covers for March 16th, the 23rd and half of the 30th.

Congress voted the Pentagon an additional 5 billion dollars. This funding will allow the military to continue their peace keeping efforts in Iraq, Afghanistan and between JIM CRAMER and JON STEWART on the "Daily Show."

Archaeologists have discovered a long-hidden cave near Avignon, France with drawings on the walls, ancient tools, skulls and the skeletal remains of the Republican Party.

To commemorate the Patron Saint of Ireland, ST. PATRICK'S DAY is celebrated by Irish people all over the world. Yes, March 17th is "The Wearin' Of The Green," and a month later the Internal Revenue Service celebrates the "Sharin' Of The Green."

It's a day immortalized by the timeless words of the greatest Irishman of them all BARRY FITZGERALD, who said, "Quick, call the doctor! Sure'n I've got a rash on my Begorrah!"

F.I.L.'s me Lucky Charm, me pot-o'-gold at the end of the rainbow, me supplier of jokes so I can start Monday blogging off without having to think...

And I'll thank you to leave me Begorrah out of this.