By GottaLaff
"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!
Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law. For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
Everyone's talking about the press conference in Baghdad when an angry Iraqi journalist threw shoes a PRESIDENT BUSH. I guess BUSH was right. The Iraqis have "Wingtips Of Mass Destruction."Happy Hanukkah, F.I.L.!
Not to be outdone, Iran is developing a "Long-range loafer."
Because of the incident, BUSH went from "Lame duck" to just plain "duck!"
I think this is the most dodging BUSH has done since the Vietnam War.
The man who threw his shoes at PRESIDENT BUSH is being hailed as a hero in Iraq. In fact, when he dies he'll be greeted in heaven by 72 Podiatrists.
BUSH is 62 years old but still has great reflexes. That's what comes from having to go hunting with CHENEY.
PRESIDENT BUSH now wants to meet with the women of "Sex In The City," and get to duck a much classier pair of shoes.
The shoe-throwing journalist is in jail. He didn't think this through. He could have done more harm to BUSH by writing something and having it printed in his newspaper. Doesn't he know, "The pen is mightier than the shoe."
The PRESIDENT'S next visit will be to Detroit, Dearborn and Flint, Michigan. At least in those cities the people can't afford to buy shoes.
The economy is so bad, everything is down. New York cab drivers, when they get angry, are now only giving "Half" a finger.
Everyone's also talking about the latest Ponzi Scheme that's hit investors all over the country. I outsmarted BERNIE MADOFF. I went broke with LEHMAN BROTHERS in September.
His name alone should have been a tip-off that things were fishy. "Madoff" - He "Made off" with everyone's money.
Los Angeles was hit with a cold wave. Last week at Ralphs I saw an orange giving another orange "Navel-to-navel resuscitation."
At LACMA, the self portrait of VAN GOGH was wearing an ear muff.
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