By GottaLaff
"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!
Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
A giant cloud of ash from a volcano in Iceland caused a major shut down of airports throughout Europe. What a nightmare. There were so few tourists in Paris, the French had to be rude to each other.
The smoke cloud was big and thick. Meteorologists originally thought it was coming from WILLIE NELSON'S tour bus.
The volcanic ash disrupted air travel all over Europe. Everything was grounded. Commercial flights, Private jets... The only thing still flying were TOYOTAS.
RICHARD BRANSON, owner of "Virgin Airlines" said the whole thing was a false alarm. The volcanic cloud would not have caused any problems, planes would have been able to fly. Of course, he's used to having planes not reaching their destination. As we all know, a Virgin doesn't go all the way.
There was talk that the big volcanic cloud was making its way to Los Angeles. This might have been true. Have you noticed? The city's air quality has actually improved.
Officials say that the two most senior leaders of Al Qaeda in Iraq have been killed in a joint U.S.-Iraqi mission. Actually, we can't take all the credit. What happened was their Lexus GX 460 rolled over.
GENERAL MOTORS paid back all the government loans five years ahead of schedule. Amazing what hard work, careful planning and TOYOTAS accelerating and crashing into trees can do for you.
Fast food giant KFC is thinking twice about it's new sandwich the "Double Down," which consists of two pieces of bacon, two slices of cheese, held together by two pieces of breaded fried chicken. They knew they had to do something when a customer ordered one and his gall bladder got up and ran out of the shop.
According to TV Guide there will be 34 more "reality shows" on next year's schedule. I guess, from now on, if you want fiction on TV you'll have to watch BECK, HANNITY and the rest of the shows on FOX NEWS.
The Treasury Department just came out with a new $100 bill designed to foil counterfeiters. Not only does it have a 3D security ribbon and a color changing bell, but BENJAMIN FRANKLIN is out and ARETHA FRANKLIN is IN.
A man in Trenton, New Jersey, got his census form mixed up with his income tax form and now the Census Bureau is sending him a refund of 2 kids.
To discuss strategy for the upcoming Financial Bill, Conservative Republicans and Wall Street executives, in a hush-hush meeting, met behind closed minds.
In Oregon, a female high school student who showered naked in the boys locker room lost her title as Valedictorian. However, she did gain the title of "Miss Congeniality."
Speaking of washing up; in India an estimated 20 million people lined up along the shores of the "Ganges" to take a religious bath in the holy river. A million people taking a bath in one river? After the first week they left a ring around Calcutta.
F.I.L.'s here all week. Don't forget to try the veal...
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