By GottaLaff
"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!
Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
Congress passed the Health Care Reform Bill Sunday night and PRESIDENT OBAMA was so excited he changed his slogan from "Yes, we can," to "Yes, we finally did." It must be an important new law. When the Democrats reached 216 "yes" votes, House Minority Leader, JOHN BOEHNER'S, face turned white and his hair moved.Great. Now F.I.L. made me hungry. Let's hear it for another great F.I.L. knee-slappin' recap!
The Democrats knew they had enough votes to pass the bill when Speaker of the House, NANCY PELOSI, called her plastic surgeon and asked if he could put a smile on her face.
Of course, this all couldn't have been done without the help of NANCY and Senate Majority Leader, HARRY REID. And today, the PRESIDENT thanked then both for their support -- He wears it every day.
The sex scandals of the Catholic Church are no longer just an American matter with revelations of abuse in Germany and Ireland. So the old/new proverb is true; "Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers."
The problems of the Church just keep piling up. First, sex scandals involving American priests. Then learning the problem is world wide. Now investigative reporters have discovered three more cover-ups. The "Flying Nun" couldn't really fly. The "Singing Nun" was just lip-synching. And "Sister Sledge" is not a Nun at all. She's a truck stop waitress in Fenderlob, New Jersey.
Former Presidents BILL CLINTON and GEORGE W. BUSH traveled to Haiti this week. BUSH was anxious to go. Finally, a disaster you can't blame on him.
80 year old former astronaut BUZZ ALDRIN did a hell-of-a Cha-Cha on "Dancing With the Stars." The first time he put his foot on the dance floor he was heard to say, "One small step for man. One giant MISS-step for Arthur Murray."
You could tell ALDRIN was a grandfather. He wouldn't begin his dance until his partner played "pull the finger" with him.
PAMELA ANDERSON is also a contestant on "Dancing With The Stars" and we just learned that she attended a private parochial school. I believe it was called, "Our Lady Of Unbelievable Proportions."
SARAH PALIN was campaigning for JOHN McCAIN this week and I don't know how happy he was about it. While she was making her speech he stood behind her and it looked like he was thinking about his time as a North Vietnamese prisoner of war -- and remembering it as "the good old days."
This week PRESIDENT OBAMA met behind closed doors with the Prime Minister of Israel, BENJAMIN NETANYAHU. No information was revealed, but OBAMA did say the meeting was "useful and constructive." The exact words SITTING BULL used after his last meeting with GENERAL CUSTER.
OSAMA bin LADEN'S face mysteriously showed up on a recent new video. No word on its authenticity, but some people swear they saw it months ago on "Arabia's Funniest Home Videos."
California is close to putting a bill on the ballot that will legalize marijuana. The first hint that there would be a "Pot vote" came during a closed door meeting when the State Senators sent out for 2000 Toll House cookies.
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