Joe the Plumber tells conservatives he's 'horny'

By GottaLaff

This gives whole new meaning to the word "wingnuts". Whatever it is that arouses Sam the Fraud's shortcomings, it should never be spoken of again. Ever:

Joe the Plumber got hot and bothered in Washington Thursday night.

Appearing unable to contain his libido in the nation's capital, Samuel Wurzelbacher, better known as Joe the Plumber, expressed his sexual urge to a sea of conservatives gathered at Washington's Grand Hyatt hotel.

First: When one is among a "sea of conservatives", it is physically impossible to engage in sexual thoughts, let alone urges... unless, of course, one is into diapers, in which case he'd have plenty to fantasize about in said crowd.

Second: Ew.

"God, all this love and everything in the room - I'm horny," Joe said on-stage.

No, seriously. Ew. Sam just crossed the freaky line. Where did that even come from?

Oh. Here's where:

Joe was accepting an award on behalf of the "liberal media" at the 2009 MRC's Gala and DisHonors Awards, a roasting of the "most outrageously biased liberal media reporters." Faux awards of the night included "the Obamagasm" and the "Media Messiah."

What a knee-slapper! Them Rushpublics sure do have well-developed senses of humor! I guess that's their way of overcompensating for what they sorely lack in development elsewhere.

Joe, referring to himself as the "token redneck," received a standing ovation while waltzing on stage as "God Bless the USA" played overhead.

I've never seen anyone waltz on stage before. I've seen sidling, striding, even tripping. But waltzing? That doesn't sound very rednecky to me. More like an episode of Dancing with the Depraved.

Obama ribs Rahm at roast

By GottaLaff

Prime ribs:

President Obama poked fun at his volatile chief of staff in a free-for-all roasting of Washington and its politicians Saturday night.

Obama attended the Alfalfa Club dinner, an annual black-tie event where the capital's political and business leaders give humorous speeches. [...]

"Now this hasn't been reported yet, but it was actually Rahm's idea to do the swearing-in ceremony again," Obama said. "Of course, for Rahm, every day is a swearing-in ceremony.

Bada bing! Hiyo-o-o!

"Every week the guy takes a little time away to give back to the community. Just last week he was at a local school, teaching profanity to poor children," Obama said.

Badum-bum!

On Saturday, Obama also ribbed the club's roots and tradition of exclusion. The club was started partly to celebrate the birthday of Confederate Gen. Robert E. Lee.

If Lee "were here with us tonight, the general would be 202 years old," Obama said. "And very confused."

Is this thing on? What is this, and audience or an oil painting? Give it up for President Obama, everyone, and don't forget to try the alfalfa sprouts.

VIDEO: Hilarious roast of Rahm Emanuel by... Prez- Elect Obama

By GottaLaff

Recently, CSPAN rebroadcast a roast from 2005 where Barack Obama takes on his future White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel. Discussed are Rahm's past with ballet and the accident in which Rahm lost his middle finger, a loss that Obama said essentially rendered Rahm mute.

This is really good. Obama is at ease and at his best. He actually performed better here than he did at the Al Smith dinner. Is there anything he can't do?