By GottaLaff
"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!
Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
PRESIDENT OBAMA made a surprise visit to Afghanistan this past weekend. After the last 14 months in Washington, he wanted to go someplace where there was less fighting.
OBAMA met with HAMID KARZAI and demanded more accountability. He told the Afghan President, "You've got to crack down on corruption, kick backs and illegal spending." If this works in Afghanistan, we're going to try it back here in the United States.
SARAH PALIN had a busy weekend changing diapers, opening up jars of baby food, cutting meat into little pieces. But that's what you have to do when you're campaigning with SEN. JOHN McCAIN.
SARAH was in Arizona trying to help McCAIN get reelected and she gave her standard stump speech which means: you ask her a question and she's stumped.
How does McCAIN introduce her? "And now, the young woman who cost me the presidency, SARAH PALIN!"
Some young Republicans were caught spending almost $2000 of GOP campaign donation money in a Los Angeles "Topless Bondage Club." They said they went there on official Republican party business. They're so optimistic about the November elections, they just wanted a refresher course on what "dominating" looked like.
A "Bondage Club" makes perfect sense. Republicans love tying things up like: health care, climate control, financial reform...we could go on and on.
It must have been very embarrassing for the people involved. I'm sure the strippers didn't want anyone to know they were hanging out with Republican politicians.
OSAMA BIN LADEN has released a new audio tape in which he threatens to kill Americans. Or as he calls it, his "Anti-healthcare bill."
Fox canceled its show "24" but not to worry. You can still get your weekly dose of torture by watching the new eight-episode reality series, "Sarah Palin's Real American Stories."
PRESIDENT OBAMA will throw out the ceremonial first ball at the Washington Nationals' opener. In Washington there's no trouble finding a celebrity to throw out the first ball. The problem is finding a player who can catch it.
The New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox have such tremendous player payrolls forget "hitter," they're now using a "designated accountant."
Once again it's "Tax Time." That's when the government "of the people" - "by the people" - and "for the people" - stick it "TO the people."
Between the federal, state and city my income has been taxed so often it has stretch marks.
I'm doing my income taxes myself this year and it's easy. Of course, I'm getting help from a great computer program, "Cheating For Dummies."
The BARBIE DOLL has turned 51 which is pretty old in doll years. In her honor Mattel has come out with a special anniversary BARBIE. It has wrinkles, varicose veins and hanging hooters.
BARBIE doesn't like the way she's aging, but she shouldn't worry. Mattel is also coming out with a "Plastic Surgeon KEN DOLL."
DOLLY PARTON and PAMELA ANDERSON attended the NCAA basketball championships and brought new meaning to the words "Final Four."
And you will be a boob if you don't give F.I.L. a hand! (bygones)
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