Today the president of the United States spoke

By GottaLaff

I'm trying my best to remember the highlights of Bush's press conference. This is what sticks, with as much accuracy as I can muster up:

• Today, the president of the United States called news broadcasts "TV shows". He got called on it. At first I raised my eyebrows, too, until I realized Bush might not be too far off the mark.
• Today, the president of the United States blamed the Democrats for oil prices because they won't approve unnecessary, environmentally-unsafe drilling.
  
• Today the president of the United States blamed the Democrats for everything.
  
• Today, the president of the United States was asked why, in his quest to lower gasoline prices, he excludes conservation, emphasizing only a push to drill for oil. Bush said that Americans are conserving by not driving. He then said that the reason they're not driving is because of the high price of gasoline. He praised Americans by pointing out how smart they are, and how he trusts them to do the right thing, like not driving. This, he went on to say, is how we'll fight high gasoline prices. He failed to see the irony and idiocy of his own remarks.
• Today the president of the United States said he is "loathe to comment" on Barack Obama's policies, and then went on to comment on Barack Obama's policies.
• Today the president of the United States said we have a strong economy. In the corner of the screen was a red down arrow next to "200".
  
• Today the president of the United States was inappropriately perky and said he was feeling good. He may have realized the inappropriateness of his mood on a day when the economy is scaring the pants of the entire country, so he followed with, "because I'm serving my country." That was designed to make America feel good. I don't think it worked.
  
• Today the president of the United States said that he has difficulty remembering things because he's 62 years old.
  
• Today the president of the United States unknowingly helped Barack Obama's cause.