Glenn Beck's New Novel Is Ripped from Glenn Beck's Headlines

By GottaLaff

Glenn Blech didn't have to come close to taxing his warped imagination when he wrote [sic] his new novel. No, he merely had to grab some crayons and construction paper, and the words just flowed.

Gawker has a plot summary that you can read here, but suffice it to say it's as predictable as you most likely predicted. It's all about the Big Bad Liberals, fear mongering, terrorist attacks, and, well, get a load of the heroes.

It's not often one can profit from jotting down his own recurring dreams:

Through the magic of imagination, he can cast himself as the dashing young playboy and put a younger Sarah Palin in an adventuring catsuit and the pair can run off into the night, solving crimes against American traditionalism and safely waiting to do it until they can get married in a consecrated chapel built out of Lincoln's old house.

And they're aided by a crusading band of "patriots"! This means Teabaggers.

Go take a look. And bring some Kleenex, because you'll laugh yourself to tears.

Rudy Giuliani to attacker: "Do it"

By GottaLaff

Does this count if it's from the N.Y. Post?

Former Mayor Rudy Giuliani didn't blink today when a surly passer-by threatened to knock his lights out as Rudy strolled with wife Judi in the Hamptons, challenging the wacko to "do it!"

Wow, what machismo! Fearless! Manly! Defiant!

Oh, and Rudy wasn't bad either.

"I'm gonna punch your lights out," the suspect -- identified as John McCluskey, 69 -- repeatedly yelled at Giuliani, startling Judi, the witnesses said.

Rudy has lights? I know he has tights...

...but lights?

"Alright, do it then!" [Rudy] yelled, according to witness Mark Borghi.

He learned how to sound brave like that during that whole 9/11 thing. He's a quick study that way.

The bold challenge was apparently too much for the fuming suspect, and the Giulianis were able to give him the slip as he continued to scream.

So Big Brave Rudy scampered away after he tried to egg on a lunatic. There's that famous Giuliani judgment we've all come to know and not love.

McCluskey was eventually cuffed and taken away by Southampton cops, but not before he inexplicably rushed inside a coffee shop to empty his pockets, said Golden Pear employee Martin Schwenk.

McCluskey was likely dumping the cash Rudy paid him to stage the confrontation. Wise decision.