From the Dep't. of Double Standards: The Greatness of St. Ronnie

By GottaLaff

I got wind of this event via a reader. What event, you ask? Why, it's a swell essay contest! Brought to you by the Utah GOP who encourages the kiddies to gush about Ronald Reagan.

Now then, children, let's think back a couple of months to Obama's speech to all those students who he did his level best to indoctrinate. Remember that?

Just a few months after school officials in Utah's Republican strongholds adamantly opposed any effort to allow schoolchildren to watch an address from the president of the United States at school, Utah County schools are collaborating with the Utah County Republican Party to hold an essay contest for sixth-graders extolling the greatness of Ronald Reagan.

"The greatness of Ronald Reagan." Why, without him, our economy wouldn't be what it is today! Trickle down became a household phrase, and... Oh, what the heck. Reiterating all his saintitudiness would just bore you.

Besides, you can hear it all you want, daily, from the Rushpublic punditiots on the Tee Vee Machine.

I wonder who in particular would sponsor such an indoctrinatey love fest?

The e-mail, from the district's social studies curriculum director Todd Billings, said the Republican Party is sponsoring the essay contest for sixth-graders in the Provo, Alpine and Nebo school districts -- all within Utah County -- with a $250 first prize, $100 second prize and $50 third prize.

Oh, so they're paying the kiddies for their efforts. Isn't that socialistic of them, spreading the wealth like that.

Would you like to join the fun?

The essays are to be submitted to essaycontest@utahcountygop.org.

My bad. I see I'm getting my back up for nothing. See, there's a difference between this tribute to St. Ronnie's legacy and President Obama's speech, see:

But Provo district spokeswoman Laken Cannon says there is no improper use here. Reagan is a past president, like Washington or Lincoln, she said, and not someone currently running for office. Plus the students are not required to participate. It's voluntary.

Voluntary indoctrination is so much more acceptable. Please disregard this entire post.

VIDEO: Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid ‘Burn In Hell!’ Contest

By GottaLaff


On the YouTube page, the video is called "satirical". I'm sure he figures that will make him devoid of all responsibility for the results of its hate-filled content.

Cue Twilight Zone theme... Imagine if you will, the Democrats pulling something like this. Now imagine the resulting 32 news cycles of condemnation and predictions of a doomed Democratic party.

Next stop, the Zealot Zone:

One of the most notorious far-right activists is Randall Terry, who founded the organization Operation Rescue, a radical anti-choice group. [...]

Terry has launched a contest to encourage people to make videos burning House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) in effigy. Randall Terry’s press release states:

Join a Contest! Win Prizes!

Who Can make the best “Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid BURN IN HELL!” video?

First prize: Expenses paid for weekend here in DC during Roe vs Wade anniversary, Jan 22-24, including pro-life training seminar (Includes travel stipend!), and full Insurrecta Nex television series. [...]

Send link of your video by NOVEMBER 15, 2009 to: Burninhell@overturnroe.com

Legal Mumbo Jumbo: Obey local laws on open flames; be careful; if under 18, do not burn Nancy Pelosi in effigy unless your mom or dad is with you, and gives you permission, and strikes the match; do not burn yourself; do not burn another human being; do not burn small animals; do not burn large animals; do not burn anyone from PETA; and remember: this is not a threat to Nancy Pelosi’s or Harry Reid’s person…it is a prophetic witness of what awaits them when they die if they do not repent for this horrific sin.

See? It's not a threat. It's all in good fun.

Cue: Twilight Zone theme... fade to black.

VIDEO: And the winner of the "Ode to Obama" contest is...

By GottaLaff


Ted Newman, a retired teacher and self-described "cowboy poet," musician, and former Army pilot, won an Associated Press contest for writing a poem about Barack Obama's inauguration:

[He] is one of 10 people the AP selected nationally - and the only Westerner - from a contest the news organization was running for poems [...]

Unlike some of the other winning poems, Newman admits his is a bit irreverent and sardonic - an approach he says he takes in his poems and songs that involve politics and political correctness.

"I call it an 'accusatory poem,' " said Newman, a retired middle school social studies and science who has written more than 500 poems and songs that he calls "no hitters because they don't get any attention."

But his inauguration poem, entitled "Plea to the Pres" did get AP's attention from hundreds of entries in its "Ode to Obama" competition. [...]

The AP calls the 10 winners "an eclectic assortment of American wordsmiths" that includes a former poet laureate and a Pulitzer Prize winner."

Their entries are equally varied in tone and subject matter, and Newman's may be the most acerbic.

A National Guard helicopter pilot for 20 years, Newman's poem asks Obama to "be the president our country needs" and levels his accusatory pen against some of the nation's ills.

He ends by saying, "Let's really rearrange the political hypocrisy; keep your word and bring change."

IMHO, he already has.

Hey look! A contest!

By GottaLaff

You may have noticed a wonderful fellow blogger/Commenter who goes by Elvis Dingeldein. He has notified us of a spiffy contest that we can all partake in! Go here to join the fun.

This November, Clusterdouche! is giving away a copy of THE WAR IN QUOTES, Doonesbury.com’s fabulous fun-filled look at Donny, Dick and George’s wacky romp through Mesopotamia. But unlike so many other popular books that shit on the Iraq War (“Blowing Up Brown People That Had It Coming For No Particular Reason”), this one tells the story the easy way: By quoting the pinheads that started it, waged it and then flushed it all down the crapper.

Wow! Free books! Hilarious contestage! Unnecessary exclamation points! Cheese!*

* No. There’s no cheese.

So here’s the contest, Clusterdouchers! Leave us a comment on the following image between now and midnight on November 30, 2008. It can be a caption, a witty aside, a scandalous insult, or just tell us to fuck ourselves for being so brazenly Liberal and despising Republicans so much! But leave a comment. In order to win, you must provide an e-mail address with your name, otherwise how the hell would we reach you when you win, or mock you mercilessly for losing?

One commentator will be chosen at random by our syphilitic Rhesus monkey intern Mr. Syllabus. Never argue with Mr. Syllabus. He’ll bite your rectum.

Good luck! Now here’s your photo. Get busy snarking on it!

Remember, don't participate here at TPC. That would be wrong. Go here! That would be right.

I thank you. Elvis thanks you.