Airport Security Breach Guy charged with defiant trespassing! So there!

By GottaLaff

A few tweeters and I couldn't resist riffing off of this tweet:

"Defiant trespassing"? Who came up with that legal term, some law student parent of a toddler/rebellious teenager who got bored during Individual Liberties 101?

I tweeted, What is he, 2? Will he be grounded?

To which Tymlee responded: Defiant trespassing and over the top pouting.

DadaLives: At least! Hah! No flight for you!

Me: What next? Recalcitrant shoplifting?

PlutoniumPage: Maybe "unruly passengers" will be charged with "temper tantrums".

LaurieInQueens: Perhaps there is a lesser charge of "contrite trespassing," but he was JUST TOO DEFIANT! Always show remorse while trespassing, NOT DEFIANCE!! Let that be a lesson to us all.

Yes, this is what we do after the Rachel Maddow Show is over, and we're all a little dingy from a long day of short tweets.

Please feel free to add your own inanities in Comments.

Reporters' hair irks The Boehner

By GottaLaff

That Boner, he's a regular laugh riot:

As he launched into his regular refrain about the Democrats' budget, saying it "spends too much, it taxes too much, and it borrows too much", he stopped himself — trying to hold back laughter during his own opening comments.

He quickly singled out a young print reporter, telling him, "You really do need to do something with that hair of yours." As reporters laughed, he joked, "I couldn't wait any longer."

He went on to finish his opening comments, but before calling on the same reporter, he teased, "Get a brush, would ya?"

The reporter had good sense of humor about the crack from Boehner, and shot back, "I'll get a haircut if you pay for it."

Tell you what: I'll get a haircut if you let your faux-tanned skin go au naturel.

When Boehner called on the next reporter, he referred to him as "the bald guy."

Ogodheissodamnfunny. Get this guy on Letterman. Nobody can beat that sense of humor, nobody! Not even a real comedy pro like Pauly Shore.

But Boehner didn't confine his critique to male members of the Capitol press corps. When a female reporter, wearing her long hair pulled back, prefaced her question by joking that she hoped her hair was ok, Boehner couldn't resist: "You mean what's wadded up in the back of your head?"

Ohstopplease! Omystomach! I'm in pain from all that guffawing! SNL, why haven't you booked The Boner?! He's the next Carrot Top! The Daily Show shouldn't hesitate to scoop him right up, before someone else grabs him!

Some reporters chuckled, but others thought the GOP leader was being a little harsh.

Boehner continued his hair assessment, saying, "It looks so nice hanging down. It looks like you got up a little late and decided that, you know, I just wadded up the back. For those of you that don't know about me and ponytails, males get it — males get it just as bad as females."

Ogeez! No seriously! What a card! I'm barely able to contain myself! The hilarity! Wow! He's the best ever! A gen-u-ine equal opportunity buffoon! Didja see that? See how he did that?

He then apologized to the reporter, joking "you started it," and let her ask her question on the budget.

Ohahaaaahahawhawhawhahaha::deeeep breath::HAHAHAAA! ::pant, pant!:: Whew! Whoa. Where'd he find lines like that?

With Congress about to start a two week recess, Boehner blamed the long stretch of six straight weeks in Washington for his punchy mood and attempt to have some fun with reporters. "That's why I'm trying to be humorous today to my friend who needs a brush and a friend who needs some hair," Boehner said.

Nonono, please stop! Stop, I tell you, stop! I can't take much more!

As reporters walked out of the press conference, one asked Boehner's press secretary what she put in the Republican leader's coffee this morning.

Then one of them asked if it would be okay to put one just more thing to his coffee. The press secretary scowled, reminding the reporter that that would probably be a felony.

Arlen Specter's strange humor

By GottaLaff

The original source is Page Six, so it's grain of salt time. However... Via Think Progress, there's a story about Sen. Arlen Specter (R-PA) telling “tasteless ethnic jokes” at a swanky Pennsylvania Society luncheon:

The senator asked the audience if anyone present was Polish. Reportedly, about 10 people raised their hands. Callous to their concerns, Specter then proceeded to let loose with a stream of Polish jokes:

Specter deemed the number insignificant and forged ahead with some supposedly funny Polish jokes, including the old one about the man who interrupted him once, saying, “Hey, careful. I’m Polish!” Specter said he responded, “That’s OK - I’ll tell it more slowly.” Specter also told two other tasteless jokes in the same Polish vein. “No one walked out, but it was offensive,” said our source. “I was offended, and I’m not Polish.”

How many Republicans does it take to screw over a country?

How far can he go?

Jimmy Kimmel runs his schtick about Obama past a "barbershop jury".

Via Oliver.

New Suspect in Sports Doping Is, No Joke, Viagra

By GottaLaff

Will there be stiff fines? Finger prick testing?

...Sorry:

The World Anti-Doping Agency is investigating "whether [Viagra] creates an unfair competitive advantage in dilating an athlete’s blood vessels and unduly increasing oxygen-carrying capacity. If so, the agency will consider banning the drug."

Viagra, or sildenafil citrate, was devised to treat pulmonary hypertension, or high blood pressure in arteries of the lungs. The drug works by suppressing an enzyme that controls blood flow, allowing the vessels to relax and widen. The same mechanism facilitates blood flow into the penis of impotent men. In the case of athletes, increased cardiac output and more efficient transport of oxygenated fuel to the muscles can enhance endurance.

“Basically, it allows you to compete with a sea level, or near-sea level, aerobic capacity at altitude,” Kenneth W. Rundell, the director of the Human Performance Laboratory at Marywood, said of Viagra. [...]

At this point, there is no evidence of widespread use of Viagra by elite athletes, Mr. Tygart said. Yet, because the drug is not prohibited and thus not screened for, there is no way to know precisely how popular it is.

I wonder if there's anything about this in the penal code.

I'm done now.