Dep't. of Expecting Miracles: Fox memo outlines new zero tolerance for stupid errors

By GottaLaff

Red: The perfect color for all things ClusterFox. This time, however, it's their faces, for blowing a series of so-called "news" reports:

First Fox got caught lying about the crowd at Michele Bachmann's healthcare protest, then it got caught lying about the size of the crowd at Sarah Palin's book-signing. But the straw that broke the camel's back came last week when producers showed a screenshot of a horrible cruel attack on Sarah Palin called Going Rouge when they should have showed a screenshot of a brilliant sacred book by Sarah Palin called Going Rogue.

So a memo has been issued. That makes it very FoxOfficial. Everyone put on your Serious Faces! In part:

Subject: Quality Control We had a mistake on Newsroom today [...] the kind of thing that can fall through the cracks on any day with any story given the large amount of elements and editorial we run through our broadcasts. Unfortunately, it is the latest in a series of mistakes [...] We have to all improve our performance in terms of ensuring error-free broadcasts.

Wait. Stop. Right. There. "Error free"? ClusterFox is striving for... perfection?

Let's put it this way: Not holding my breath. When pigs fly. Hell icing up.

Now back to our memo already in progress:

Effective immediately, there is zero tolerance for on-screen errors. Mistakes by any member of the show team that end up on air may result in immediate disciplinary action against those who played significant roles in the "mistake chain," and those who supervise them.

There goes their entire staff. Oh well, easy come, easy go I always say.

That may include warning letters to personnel files, suspensions, and other possible actions up to and including termination, and this will all obviously play a role in performance reviews. [...] [E]ffective immediately, Newsroom is going to "zero base" our newscast production.

"Zero base"! Wowzers! That sounds ultra super duper mega double important!

To share a key quote from today's meeting: "It is more important to get it right, than it is to get it on."

Okay, no, ew. I simply won't associate "Fox" with the words "getting it on" in any way, shape, or form. Taking a moment to breathe... Inhaling... exhaling...

I'm good. You? Alrighty then, moving on:

We may then build up again slowly as deadlines and workloads allow so that we can be sure we can quality check everything before it makes air, and we never having to explain, retract, qualify or apologize again. Please know that jobs are on the line here. I can not stress that enough.

It's so reassuring to know that with one measly directive, a network that has been so wrong will from this day forward get it completely 100% absolutely right. It's positively magical.

I can't wait for tonight's first slip-up. Heads will roll and we shall point and laugh and everything will go right back to ClusterFoxNormal.

To read more, including the entire memo, please go here.