By GottaLaff
Liberal Interpretation
Their headlines, my stories
Mexico shuts Cancun beach, alleges sand was stolen: An enormous kitty litter box was spotted in an adjacent car lot. "Oh please. There are no such things as giant cats!" a testy neighbor declared, as he was walked by his giant Chihuahua.
Skeleton wearing a suit found at Ill. cemetery: "I usually prefer mini skirts," Paris Hilton was overheard saying, "but I wanted to be respectful to all the, you know, hottt dead people."
House panel votes to ban "pay to delay" drug deals: "I usually score, er, put my drugs on layaway so the wife won't find out, okay?" The Boehner snapped after the press dogged him all the way to his car. "F*** this, I should just move to C Street where people know how to keep a secret. Now back off." Minutes later, he was spotted a few blocks away, tucking what appeared to be a small baggie into his pocket as he ducked into a nearby tanning salon.
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