Free Lipitor, Viagra, other drugs for jobless

By GottaLaff

Talk about jobless benefits.... Whatever turns you on:

Pfizer Inc. says it will provide 70 of its most widely prescribed prescription drugs _ including Lipitor and Viagra _ for free to people who have lost their jobs and health insurance.

Nothing is more effective at paying the bills than getting your Viagra on. Is that your pink slip, or are you just happy to see me?

The move could earn Pfizer some goodwill in that debate after long being a target of critics of drug industry prices and sales practices.

Goodwill... good love... six inches of one, half dozen of the other.

The program also likely will help keep those patients loyal to Pfizer brands.

More like dependent. The jokes just write themselves:

Applicants will have to sign a statement that they are suffering financial hardship ...

Hardship doesn't require Viagra, if you know what I mean. So many double entendres, so little time:

"There's a long-term benefit there, beyond the goodwill and the publicity," said David Heupel, health care portfolio manager at Thrivent Large Cap Growth Fund. "Pfizer is trying to maintain their (market) share, if not grow their share" by keeping people from switching to generic versions of its drugs to save money.

I'm sorry. I can't help myself. The substance of this piece will just have to take a back seat, as it were, to the puns. Thank you for indulging me. Okay, here, look, I'll pay some attention to the facts now:

The 70-plus drugs covered in the program include several diabetes drugs and some of Pfizer's top money makers, from cholesterol fighter Lipitor and painkiller Celebrex to fibromyalgia treatment Lyrica and Viagra for impotence. Drugs from several other popular classes such as antibiotics, antidepressants, antifungal treatments, heart mediations, contraceptives and smoking cessation products also are included. Cheaper generic versions are available for quite a few of the drugs.

That's some big stimulus package. D'oh! Sorry.

H/t: Ellen