"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!
Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law. For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
There was a huge snowstorm in Washington D.C. this week. It was the perfect patriotic storm for our nation's capital. The city was WHITE, GENERAL MOTORS is in the RED and the rest of the country is very BLUE.With Daylight Savings Time starting yesterday, we had one less hour to wait until F.I.L.'s joke blog day!
All of Washington was covered with the white stuff, except outside the Conservative Political Action Conference where RUSH LIMBAUGH provided enough hot air to melt anything that hit the street.
They've unveiled a totally new method of snow removal in Washington. They're putting AIG in charge. If they can make 165 billion in bailout money disappear, getting rid a couple of feet of snow should be no problem.
More than 12 inches of snow also fell on New York City, but it was refreshing. The drifts were so high, it was the first time all year you went down a street and you couldn't see the foreclosure signs.
It looks like RUSH LIMBAUGH is the new face of the Republican Party. If I see any more of him on TV news shows I'm going to have to send MY housekeeper out to buy ME painkillers.
What a terrible week it was. The Stock Market took a dive, there's new fears over the survival of the country's biggest auto makers and banks and unemployment jumped to its highest level since the 1980's. But let's look at the bright side of being unemployed. The minute you get out of bed in the morning you're on the job.
Recession isn't pretty and everybody is feeling the pinch:
Last week a Salvation Army Band hi-jacked a Goodwill truck.
CLUB MED is now accepting food stamps.
They're cutting costs at DISNEYLAND. Now when you enter you're greeted "Snow White and the Seven Interns."
Parents are putting 2 kids in one diaper, just to make ends meet.
In San Francisco the S&M freaks are now into leatherette.
On one street corner memories of the '29 depression were sadly brought back, 2009 style. There was a guy surrounded by computers with a sign that said: "APPLES For Sale."
Things are so bad on Wall Street, a seat on the Stock Exchange now comes with an airbag.
The stock market took such a beating, WARREN BUFFETT was seen buying lottery tickets.
And after a big drop in Microsoft, BILL GATES was spotted with a sign that read: "Will download for food - haven't had a mega-byte in days."
CALENDAR REMINDERS: On March 8th, our time "Sprang Forward" and Daylight Savings Time began. It's a very difficult transition. Last year a woman got a hernia trying to reset her biological clock.
Tax season is once again upon us. It's a time when the government "of the people," "for the people" and "by the people" stick it "TO the people."
This year I don't have to use H&R BLOCK because I'm H&R Broke.
I decided not to spend a dime on accountants and tax preparers. I made out my own income tax forms and it was a revelation. I never knew I could write Science Fiction.
Sign on KARL ROVE'S rear view mirror. "Members Of The Congressional Committee May Be Closer Than They Actually Appear."
It's that time again, "Spring Break!" When thousands of students head for the beaches and resorts to drink, do drugs and have sex. Then it's back to school again and the same old grind - to drink, do drugs and have sex.
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