Sen. Leahy Proposes ‘Truth Commission’ for Justice Department

By GottaLaff

Remember truth? I do, vaguely. It had something to do with not telling lies, if I'm not mistaken:

Sen. Patrick Leahy, who heads the Senate Judiciary Committee, proposed establishing an independent “truth and reconciliation commission” to investigate several allegations of wrongdoing at the Justice Department during the Bush administration.

Inhale that for a second. I'll wait. Come on, you can do it: De-e-e-ep breath. Hold it. ... Hold it... longer... you know, as you would if you were taking a hit of... truth! What did you think I meant? Who do you think I am, Michael Phelps?

Sorry, you can exhale now. Your lungs are now truth-filled. Wasn't that refreshing? Are you high on life yet?

The Vermont Democrat said the commission should investigate the department’s once-secret warrantless wiretapping program, the politically motivated firings of some U.S. attorneys and the department’s highly controversial memos on the treatment of terrorism detainees.

Time for another hit.

Anyone got any Twinkies?

Leahy said his proposal marked a middle ground between prosecuting former officials in President George W. Bush’s administration and doing no investigations at all.

The truth commission should have subpoena power and witnesses would not face charges except if they commit perjury, he said. “Rather than vengeance, we need a fair minded pursuit of what actually happened,” he said.

Oh man, what just happened? This turned this into a totally bad trip. Whoa. Seriously. I'm so bummed. What was I thinking? Commissions are meaningless. And toothless ones are even more meaningless.

Anyone got a 750 ml bottle of Patron Silver and some limes?