Time for another Stand-Up Comedy Blog

By GottaLaff

"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!

Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law. For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.

A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:

The stock market crashed this week, but analysts are not calling it a crash. They're calling it a correction. That must be why brokers are drinking all that "Jack Daniels" correction fluid.

It was a modern-day version of the '29 Wall Street collapse. On every corner men were seen selling apples. Not the fruit, their computers.

Both presidential candidates reacted to the market's turmoil. OBAMA laid out a detailed five-point plan, but McCAIN'S was much simpler. He's just going to have his wife put the whole thing on her Visa Card.

In one week the market went from "bullish" to "bearish" -- and LEHMAN BROTHERS went "broke-ish."

Things were so bad, the Federal Reserve had to loan the AIG Insurance company $85 billion to keep it afloat. $85 billion. To give you an idea how much money that is, just take a look at JOHN McCAIN'S house cleaning bills.

First Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, then Lehman Brothers, now AIG. It only proves the old adage, "Misery loves companies."

This recent panic has taught these companies one thing; how to make a small fortune -- Easy, invest a large fortune.

Stock prices are down, major companies are being bailed out, and SARAH PALIN is just the lady we need to take care of things in this Bear market. She'll shoot it and skin it. And in true vice presidential fashion, she'll probably shoot it in the face.

On Monday McCAIN said, "The economy's fundamentals were strong." By Tuesday he switched to, "It's the workers who are fundamentally strong." Well, they'll have to be. Statistics show, the only way a family of 4 can live today is to eat a family of 5.

It's been revealed that SARAH PALIN had a tanning bed installed in the Alaska Governor's mansion, which is part of the McCAIN-PALIN campaign strategy. As a woman she's trying to get the feminist vote from HILLARY. And with two more tanning treatments she's hoping to take the black vote away from OBAMA.

SARAH'S been spending the last couple of days being briefed by advisers on what she needs to know to be JOHN McCAIN'S vice president. The first thing they taught her was CPR.

Before HURRICANE IKE, thousands of Houston and Galveston's elderly residents were told to evacuate immediately. And they shouted back, "Hey, if we could evacuate we wouldn't need Metamucil."

Make some noise for the F.I.L.! No, not that kind of noise (next time don't order the veal... or the Metamucil).