Texas Tech professors oppose hiring Alberto Gonzales

By GottaLaff

Objection! Sustained:

After a long, desperate search, Alberto Gonzales has finally found a job.

The former attorney-general under President George W. Bush will soon be teaching "Contemporary Issues in the Executive Branch" at Texas Tech -- a job for which, at least 40 of the school's professors say, Gonzales is profoundly unqualified.

As of last count, 45 staffers at Texas Tech have signed a petition urging the school's chancellor to rescind the offer of a teaching job to Gonzales, reports the Lubbock Avalanche-Journal.

According to Texas Tech philosophy professor Walter Schaller, the primary reason for the petition against Gonzales is his record as attorney-general. [...]

"With the emphasis on ethics the university has adopted, a guy that misled Congress is not the kind of person we want to represent Texas Tech," Schaller told the Avalanche-Journal.

"It is unclear what Gonzales has done that makes him deserving of employment at Texas Tech. Does he have a noteworthy academic record? Does he have a record of publishing in law reviews? Was his service to his country particularly distinguished?," the petition reads.

The document goes on to list Gonzales "ethical failings," including: frequently misleading Congress and the American people; rejecting the Geneva Conventions; denying the constitutional right of habeas corpus; and showing more loyalty to President George W. Bush than to the Constitution.

The petition also objects to the process by which Gonzales was hired: Evidently, the Bush administration alum was hired directly by the school's chancellor, Kent Hance, whom the petition describes as a "good friend" of Gonzales.

Nepoteegery.

Alberto Gonzales to teach at Texas Tech University

By GottaLaff

Small Man On Campus:

Alberto Gonzales, who resigned as the Bush administration’s embattled attorney general nearly two years ago, has lined up a fall-semester teaching spot at Texas Tech University, the university confirmed today.

What's he gonna teach, Amnesia 101?

I hope he remembers to show up for class.

Gonzales [...] will be working in the university’s political science department, teaching a “special topics” course ...

"Special topics": Perfect, since Gonzo is, erm, "special". Continuing...

...on contemporary issues in the executive branch, according to Dora Rodriguez, a senior business assistant in the department.

Again, perfect, since Gonzo most certainly had issues in the executive branch.

He also disputed reports he was having a hard time finding work...

Of course. He was just "between jobs". Continuing...

...saying he’s working as a consultant, giving speeches...

He can speak? Continuing...

...and doing arbitration work as a lawyer. He said then that his dream job would be baseball commissioner.

Once more, perfect, because if there's one thing Gonzo needs is balls.

On second thought, maybe that was one thing he had too much of, to the detriment of our legal system.