Republicans, eat your spinnage!

By GottaLaff

What is it with Republicans and scandals? And what is it with Republicans pathetically trying to spin scandals when spinnage isn't even an option?

Outside lawyers for the National Republican Congressional Committee confirmed Thursday that a former employee allegedly stole an estimated $725,000 from the campaign committee between 2001 and 2007, although the exact amount is still unclear.

The National Republican Senatorial Committee, because of joint fundraising it did with the NRCC, also lost an estimated $28,000 to Ward's illicit activities, and at least five other campaign committees and leadership PACs that he worked for have already reported that he allegedly diverted at least $47,000 from their accounts.

That brings the total GOP losses to Ward to nearly $800,000.

Christopher J. Ward, former treasurer, was a bad, naughty boy. But Chairman Tom is so proud! Why? Because Chairman Tom and his staff, says he, were right on top of things! They were the Discovererererers, the Reportererers and the Bustererers! And what a crack team of law-and-order Republicans they were! Too bad Republican donors don't quite see it that way:

[NRCC Chairman Tom Cole (Okla.)] said the Ward investigation has diverted needed resources into an investigation, and raised unwanted questions from donors about the committee's operations. [...] Cole tried to spin the situation as a credit to himself and his staff, who first confronted Ward on his failure to get an outside audit of the committee's books. Oklahoma Republican said he was proud "that we're the ones that found it, we're the ones that reported it, we're the ones that fixed it."

It doesn't take much to fill the NRCC with pride these days, does it.

Republicans in trouble and blaming George W. Bush

By GottaLaff

Waaah! The Wittle Wepubwicans don't wanna play with Georgie no mo'. Oh, and the Democrats are drawing blood:

Republican House leaders are scrambling to contain the damage after a third straight special election loss, with NRCC Chairman Tom Cole putting the blame on the party’s public image and former NRCC Chairman Tom Davis warning of a bloodbath in November if members can’t divorce themselves from the “brand” put on their party by President Bush.

It's all Georgie's fault! All these years they all seemed to play so nicely together. Then they go and lose a few lousy elections, start a couple of disastrous wars, make a few million people poorer, and cause sick people to get sicker, so what to they do? Blame their most favorite playmate of 7 years. Talk about fickle little brats! Check that: Awkward fickle little brats:

But sources who attended the “awkward” leadership meeting said that not one word was said about the GOP’s electoral woes or the steps party leaders might take to address them.

Other sources have talked of the possibility of replacing Cole with Davis, who has been critical of the party and of Cole’s handling of its congressional campaign arm.

These losers need a new game with some new rules. Or... they need to learn to follow the existing ones, because, boys and girls, what happens when you break the rules? You get in tro-o-ouble!

Boehner said Wednesday morning that he had “no preconceived ideas” about how the party should respond to Tuesday’s special election in Mississippi’s 1st Congressional District, a conservative stronghold where Democrat Travis Childers cruised to an eight-point win over Republican Greg Davis despite more than $1 million in NRCC spending and a visit from Vice President Dick Cheney.

Wowzers! The vice principal came to visit and the gang still didn't behave? He must be a rotten vice principal!

“When you lose three of these in a row, you have to go beyond campaign tactics,” Cole said. “A large segment of the American public doesn't have confidence in the Republican Party to deal with the issues in front of us. What we have to do is look in the mirror bit and ask how we lost our way."

The little cherubs got lost? Maybe they should have asked the nice policeman for help. No, wait. That would be mighty risky. So many of them would have been shipped right off to reform school if the coppers got wind of what they've been up to.

Davis downplayed rumors of a coup Wednesday but distributed a “Where We Stand Today” memo in which he said the three special election losses were “canaries in the coal mine, warning of far greater losses in the fall, if steps are not taken to remedy the current climate.”

Uh-oh!

“The political atmosphere facing House Republicans this November is the worst since Watergate and is far more toxic than the fall of 2006, when we lost 30 seats (and our majority) and came within a couple of percentage points of losing another 15 seats,” Davis wrote. “Whether measured by polls, open seats, money, voter registration, generic ballot, presidential popularity or issues, our party faces a steep climb to maintain our current numbers.”

Double uh-oh!

Davis warned that the Republicans could lose 19 more seats in November if they don’t find a way to reinvent their brand, which he said is now “an albatross to our members.”

I love animal stories! Canaries and albatrosses, weeee! And I bet you a zillion dollars that this one will have a happy ending! If you're a Democrat, that is.

“We don’t need to abandon long-held principles, but we do need to understand our shortcomings and make appropriate adjustments,” Davis wrote. “It starts with the brand, and the brand is Bush."

Blaming Georgie a-gain? He must be the biggest dork alive! I have a feeling he won't get invited to their next Rootin' Tootin' Cowboy Costume Party.

Davis said that Sen. John McCain, by contrast, won’t “drag anyone down” but can’t “carry anyone over the finish line,” either.

Carry them? He can't even lift them.