Rush Limbaugh's Big Fat News Conference from Hawaii... Obama's home state

By GottaLaff

Chest-pained Boss Limpdong finds it necessary to open his big, oversized, lying, festering mouth for whatever reason. The presser is being held at the hospital.

Via a tweet by CNN's Ed Henry:

Limbaugh was going to sit but will now stand at podium

I guess he realized a chair couldn't hold him and his enormous, oozing spillover.

Limbaugh will make statement but does not plan to take questions

Answering questions under pressure might, you know, give him a heart attack.

Liveblog... We just get audio:

It's been a humbling experience. I never had a heart attack... pain like nothing I'd ever experienced before. I called security staff, underwent extensive tests. Pain gone in half hour. Had angiogram, they found nothing.

It was a blessing. No arterial, coronary disease whatsoever. Stayed for observation. Don't know what caused the pain. I'm almost 59. Don't mess with it, any time you have chest pain, turn it over to professionals [Laffy Note: Yeah, if you have insurance coverage].

I don't think there's one thing wrong with the health care system. I got nothing special, no special treatment. The care was confidence inspiring... extensive, comfortable. The treatment I received here was the best. The nurses, aides have made this stay almost like a hotel.

I wish I knew what it was. Maybe a spasm in an artery. It's a blessing in disguise that it happened, because it might prepare you for the eventuality that you are getting older, not as invincible.

Thank you for accepting no questions, because you'd ask questions I don't want to answer in this setting... political. I'm thankful to be an American having this thing happen to me.

Photo via Ed Henry