What could be more important than Mark Foley?

By GottaLaff

It's been a nail-biter. It's what we've all been waiting for. With baited breath! Swear pouring from our brows! Heavy breathing! Oh. Wait. That last one shouldn't have made its way in there.

Mark Foley is ba-a-a-a-ck:

The former congressman and 2006 Republican bête noire will appear on NBC News's Today Show next Wednesday. (or the Wednesday after next..)

That's according to a Florida source who is close to the former congressman....

Mr. Foley told friends that he wanted to wait until after the elections in 2008 so to have as little effect as possible on the current political situation.

He's sober, he's not blaming his problems on alcohol, he's kibitzing about Florida politics, and he's eager to speak...

It's a good thing that he had the good judgment to stay mum. My stars and garters, he could have changed the outcome of the entire election! Had he opened his mouth (no pun...), no telling what would have happened! Whew!

No charges expected against Mark Foley-- now with bonus "sex-clusive" snark video!

By GottaLaff

Remember the days of the Mark Foley scandal? Weren't they carefree compared to what we're faced with now?

Former U.S. Rep. Mark Foley isn't expected to face charges after a lengthy investigation into his lurid messages to underage congressional pages, two federal law enforcement officials told The Associated Press on Thursday. [...]

They said neither state nor federal charges were expected, although an FBI investigation has not been closed yet. [...]

Shortly after Foley's resignation, Roth announced Foley was gay and had been molested by a priest as a teenage altar boy. Foley also checked himself into an Arizona treatment facility for what his attorneys said was "alcoholism and other behavioral problems." [...]

Florida authorities had said their investigation was hampered because neither Foley nor the House would let its investigators examine his congressional computers.

It's sad, actually. However, this still calls for an oldie but goodie, one of my earliest efforts: