Dick Cheney's New War... On Semantics

By GottaLaff

Liveblog:

The War on Terror is over! The Nation of Dick is telling us it is now called ::fanfare:: The War on Semantics. And telling us, and telling us, and telling us...

Shorter Obama: Clarity, rationale, information, reassurance, U.S. Constitution in tact, balance of power, torture is obsolete, and the last eight years were an epic fail.

The Nation of Dick started with a joke about Obama's being long-winded, yet he droned on endlessly. He went on to say what a lightweight Obama is, yet somehow felt it necessary to share his resume with us. Yes, the former Vice President of the United States felt compelled to remind us of who he thinks he was.

He then told us that as long as things go his way, he'll praise President Obama, but when they don't, he will publicly rip him to shreds.

By the way, he needs a teleprompter. His notes just didn't cut it.

Pat Buchanan is calling him "the leader of a tough line". He's got a shiver going up his leg.

Lawrence O'Donnell summed the speech up with words like "sleazy" and "lies."

Buchanan: Lawrence's reaction proves Cheney's speech worked.

The gist of The Nation of Dick's speech: 9/11fearjustificationoftorture 9/11fearjustficationoftorture.

The Nation of Dick went on to say that people say 9/11 changed him. He says he wasn't changed. He's still the Dick we all remember. But 9/11 simply made him a Dick committed to torture.

He reminded us that the N.Y. Times is our enemy and pals around with Al Qaeda.

He's all for torture. Torture is cool. He really digs it.

Oh, and Obama's a liar. The torture memos were redacted, so only half of the content was released. The part we didn't see is that torture rocks.

He was clearly worried about being prosecuted. The lefties call him a criminal! Obama shouldn't prosecute him for torturing, because torture works. He kept secrets, and secrets are cool.

Hey, he only waterboarded 3 people! The legal memos that he ordered make that okay!

Overwrought, contrived indignation, and phony moralizing over 3 lousy tortured brown people? So what's the problem? Stop libeling torturers!

Red alert! Obama is letting half of the nuclear-armed terrorists loose on the U.S.! Be afraid!

He misses the phrase War on Terror. He misses the phrase Enemy Combatant. He misses Gitmo! Services will be held shortly.

This is clearly no time for compromise, as Obama suggested. This is no time for rational thought, for the rule of law!

Fear. 9/11. Terrorism. FEAR.

The War on Semantics is upon us. Bring it on.