MSNBC: Preen forward #OhButIKid

 

Oh, but I kid MSNBC. I watch it every single day, and despite it being the only major cable news outlet I can tolerate (or appreciate), there are a few observations that I can no longer keep to myself. Gotta vent. Here's my (satirical) take on MSNBC daytime:

MSNBC Host 1: So welcome to my very own show. So, today's guests are Goldie Taylor, Howard Fineman, David Corn, Joan Walsh, Michael Steele, Jonathan Alter, Michael Eric Dyson, Nicolle Wallace, Mark Halperin, Michael Isikoff, Jonathan Capehart, Kasie Hunt, Eugene Robinson, Ezra Klein, Dave Weigel, Steve Schmidt, and all my fellow MSNBC hosts who are all here to talk about their very own shows! Every single one of them. So have I told you guys what a great job you do? GOD you're good. You all excel at your jobs! To call you stellar doesn't do you justice! I'm so proud to call you "colleagues."

Chuck Todd, Steve Kornacki, Alex Wagner, Chris Hayes, Joy Reid, Ronan Farrow, Krystal Ball, Karen Finney, Melissa Harris-Perry, Ari Melber: So, thank you, my friend! So, congratulations to us! So, group hug to Camera Three!

MSNBC Host 2: So when we return, we'll explore why every MSNBC commentator begins each thought with, "So..." We'll be back in 15 minutes after these messages from Cialis, Cymbalta, Lipitor, Abilify, Celebrex, Humira, Nasonex, and Lyrica.

Chuck Todd, Steve Kornacki, Alex Wagner, Chris Hayes, Joy Reid, Ronan Farrow, Krystal Ball, Karen Finney, Melissa Harris-Perry, Ari Melber: So you forgot AT&T, BP, Exxon, Citibank, catheters, vaginal dryness meds, and Christian Mingle!

One hour later...

MSNBC Host 2: So here to help us make some sense of our top story is the host of [insert any MSNBC daytime show here]. Thanks for being here, Other Host.

Other MSNBC Host: So I'm honored, my friend. You are awesome.

MSNBC Host 2: So no, YOU are, my friend.

Other MSNBC Host: No, YOU! So.

Luke Russert: Um, hello? So did somebody forget to intro Tim Russert's trying-to-fill-his-father's-big-shoes son over here on the monitor? So I've got an exclusive I'm dying to break right here on your very own show, MSNBC Host 2!

MSNBC Host 2: So we could never forget YOU, Luke, my friend, my brother. What's your scoop? You always have the BEST scoops! GOD you're good.

Luke: So, so are you. You are a FABULOUS host, as are you, Other MSNBC Host. You two are superb at everything you do. Nobody does it better. So I'm in tears. Seriously. So how cool is it that we're all such good friends? So who knew being this incestuous could pay so well?

MSNBC Host 2: So tell us your scoop, Amazingly Adept Luke, my brother, my friend, MSNBC's own Sage of Washington DC, Our Capitol Hill Crusader! So don't you just love these obvious displays of public camaraderie? It's like our own private little club! So whatcha got, my friend?

Luke: Well crap. I forgot.

MSNBC Host 2: So we'll be back right after these words from Cialis, Cymbalta, Lipitor, Abilify, Celebrex, Axiron, Humira, Nasonex, Lyrica,  AT&T, BP, Exxon, Citibank, catheters, vaginal dryness meds, Febreze, Aleve, Verizon, Samsung, Cliffside Malibu Rehab Center, Christian Mingle, GE, financial groups you've never heard of, and endless promos of other MSNBC programming and the new MSNBC website!

One hour later...

MSNBC Host 3: So now for more repetitive analysis, welcome back to the hosts of all of our other fantastic shows. You all do such great work. Nobody does it better than you, my friends. GREAT reporting! You all look GREAT! Our audiences should be tuning into each of your shows every single day and night, no matter what effect that much exposure to redundant political infotainment has on their personal relationships!

Chuck Todd, Steve Kornacki, Alex Wagner, Chris Hayes, Joy Reid, Ronan Farrow, Krystal Ball, Karen Finney, Melissa Harris-Perry, Ari Melber: So Rachel has a very special Special coming up! Let's plug it! Over and over and over again!

MSNBC Host 3: I was just about to. But first, may I just say, you guys really set a high bar for journalistic standards. GREAT reporting, guys! But now it's time for the Tweet of the Day from Chris Matthews, MSNBC's very own god. But first: So when is Ezra Klein getting his own show already? He may put us to sleep in seconds, but he does such incredibly GREAT work! GREAT reporting! What a find! Am I right, my friends? Hey Farrow, stop giggling. So I'll get your responses to this and more on the other side of the commercial break. We have a new sponsor: ZzzKlein, er, Quil.

Fade out.

(Laffy Note: I didn't forget to include Lawrence O'Donnell, Chris Matthews, Ed Schultz, or Rachel Maddow in the Long Host List. While they do pop in on election nights or to promote a special or a book occasionally, they rarely guest on other shows as commentators/panel members.)

VIDEOS- Osama bin Laden Watch: The so-called "vigilance" of George W. Bush

 Based on this and this:

 

 ...it's time to bump this up, originally posted May 2, 2011: The September 11, 2001 attacks happened on Bush's watch; thousands were killed. Osama Bin Laden's death happened on President Obama's watch, yet George W is given credit for something he effectively shrugged off, something he made clear was no longer a priority. Like clockwork, the right wing media is accusing President Obama of making this all about himself, and they're even making awkwardly obvious "typos" and predictable slips of the tongue, while birthers have been trying their level best to delegitimize him every which way they can. But back to Bush... Via Think Progress:

...Bush seemed to acknowledge that he would never get Bin Laden, saying, “He’ll be gotten by a president,” without specifying which one.

He sure was "gotten by a president,"just not one named Bush. President Obama has his critics, but he did keep one major campaign promise: Bin Laden is dead, despite what the "deathers" are now saying. Indelibly etched into our memories is Bush blustering about smoking OBL out of his cave (Bin Laden apparently decided move to the suburbs and forgot to inform Bush), "wanted, dead or alive" slogans, and repeated declarations like, "we will not allow him" to "defeat our freedoms." Why, he even provided us all with those ridiculous rainbow colored terrorist threat level charts. What a hero. Those were the days:

 

And hey, remember this old chestnut? Check out the segment starting at about 3:00...






 The warning signs were right there, in BushCo's faces, and they were ignored. Richard Clarke, former chief counterterrorism adviser:

“And we sat in the national security adviser's office. And I've used the phrase in the book to describe George Tenet's warnings as ‘He had his hair on fire.’ He was about as excited as I'd ever seen him. “And he said, ‘Something is going to happen.’”

Think Progress:

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) issued a statement praising Bush, writing, "I commend President Obama who has followed the vigilance of President Bush in bringing Bin Laden to justice."

I give you... Mr. Vigilance:

 

Osama bin Laden "has met his match", boasted Bush. "I really don't spend that much time on him." Clearly. Let's not forget this moment, which pretty much says it all:






 But this one says even more:

 

"Ba-Ba-Bobby" Jindal: I won't run for president

By GottaLaff

From February 2009:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Shorter Ba-Ba-Ba-BobbyJindal: There is no way in hell I can win. Why? There are any number of reasons, the least of which is how he's destroying access to mental health care in his own state.

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal told a hometown crowd Friday that he will not make a bid for the White House. "I am not running for president of the United States,"Jindal said at the Southern Republican Leadership Conference. "I've got the job I want."

And the job he wants is privatizing health care and destroying lives in the process. Rachel's initial reaction to Ba-ba-Bobby back in 2009 still works today:

VIDEO- Countdown: "Who coined 'Tea Baggers'?"

I've been meaning to post this for a couple of days. It's nice when my brain cells finally decide to kick in. Dedicated to those who think we mean old disparaging lefties came up with the name "Tea Baggers". Wrong:  

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Who introduced the term again? Conservatives. Per the National Review Online, on Tax day, April 15th a gimmick was born. Why, here's a typically gimmicky quote from a Tea Bag-lovin' protester, now:

"Tea bag the liberal Dems before they tea bag you."

That little gem didn't come from our side. The Tea Baggers said it first. Oops.

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FCC paves way for studios to push first-run movies into the home

By GottaLaff

With all the big flat screens and spiffy high def Blue Ray DVD players and other techie gizmos, how could this not happen? Not to mention the whole "let's make more money" thing.

Via an e-mail alert from the L.A. Times:

Federal regulators have granted a controversial waiver to the Hollywood studios that clears the way for people to watch movies in their home shortly after -- or even during -- their release in theaters.

The Federal Communications Commission today granted a petition from the Motion Picture Assn. of America, the chief lobbying group for the major studios, that would permit use of a so-called selectable output control technology for watching first-run movies in the home.

The technology prevents the illegal copying of movies, which has been a stumbling block to delivering first-run movies into the home and directly to consumers. [...]

The move has been opposed by both movie theater operators and consumer groups, the former who worry it would undercut ticket sales and the latter who say it would interfere with other devices that plug into the TV.

I rarely get to a movie theater. I am on Cloud 10.

PhotOh! Palin helps "the cause"

By GottaLaff

Nanotyrnns was kind enough to loan this to us:

MeMe McMoneyFirst has her priorities, and they don't include any of us.

Au contraire, on Planet MeMe, Santa Cause brings lots of presents... but only to her.

To quote Shannyn Moore (who knows a thing or two about a thing or two) on Twitter:

Palin CHARGES the teaparty 4 appearances, says she'll donate 2 their candidates, THEN KEEPS THE $$$.

Can't get more "for the people" than that... Also too there.

BREAKING-- Oil Volcano "Triggered By Safety failures"

By GottaLaff

Via a Yahoo e-mail alert:

ON THE GULF OF MEXICO (AP) Documents: Oil rig's deadly blast triggered by methane gas bubble, series of safety failures.

Confirming what we already suspected. Hey BP, how does it feel to be responsible for Big Oil's Katrina?

More details when they come in.

RNC fires finance director & deputy director following spending scandals

By GottaLaff

Heads are rolling... because, hey, that's how the RNC, well, rolls:

The Republican National Committee has fired Finance Director Rob Bickhart in the wake of a two embarrassing scandals that originated in the committee's fundraising department.

Deputy Finance Director Debbie LeHardy has also been removed from her post.

Remember that powerpoint presentation to Republican donors that stooped to the usual fear tactics, calling Obama a socialist, blahblah spewspew? That would be the same powerpoint in which they referred to GOP donors as "ego-driven". Bickhart was reportedly the one behind it.

Video- First Lady at Mothers Day Tea at the White House

"I worked at Guantanamo"

By GottaLaff

The following is from a diary over at Daily Kos:

I am a progressive. I voted for Obama. I believe in justice and human rights. I worked at Guantanamo. [...]

I want to start off with one of the complaints [...] that people will not vote for Obama because he has not shut down Gitmo. Again, from someone who was there, this is a very misinformed position and the reality on the ground needs to be clearly explained. [...]

So now, we get to Obama. [...]

I don't know how to convey this more strongly: There is no torture at Gitmo. No waterboarding, nothing. There was a horrible instance of abuse that occurred with one detainee early in the process, and that resulted in all new training. I am not excusing it. [...]

Gitmo will not be closed so much as it will be wound down. I had no sense that it was being wound down during the Bush years, no matter how many times Bush said he was. There is no doubt now that Obama is winding it down. [...]

Those of you who say you are not going to vote for Obama because he has not shut down Gitmo must realize, it is like saying Obama has not immediately cured my cancer. The cure cannot be immediate, without being either reckless or indifferent to human life. What matters is, is the tumor receding? And the answer to that is absolutely yes.

While Carrotmob makes some good points, I have to disagree with some of them based on what I know from my conversations with Fayiz al-Kandari's lawyer, Lt. Col. Barry Wingard.

Waterboarding is not the only form of torture. From the time Fayiz was forced on to an airplane where he had to endure wood screws piercing his scull during the 24-hour plane ride to Cuba, he has undergone terrible abuse that fits the definition of torture. I've written about this extensively.

Additionally, indefinite detention is unacceptable. There have been, and still are, hostages at Gitmo who never committed a crime, who were sold for bounty, imprisoned because of hearsay upon hearsay "evidence", and have no way to catch a break, let alone a glimpse at the classified, redacted legal exhibits that are used against them.

Barry has been there, too. And Fayiz still is. Ask them about what constitutes torture, because one of them has experienced it first hand.

And yes, I would vote for Obama again, but that doesn't mean I don't disagree with some of his choices. And I do believe he'll shut Gitmo down... eventually.

****

All my previous posts on this subject matter can be found here; That link includes one specific to only Fayiz al-Kandari's story here.

Here are audio and video interviews with Lt. Col. Wingard, one by David Shuster, one by Ana Marie Cox, and more. My guest commentary at BuzzFlash is here.

Lt. Col. Barry Wingard is a military attorney who represents Fayiz Al-Kandari in the Military Commission process and in no way represents the opinions of his home state. When not on active duty, Colonel Wingard is a public defender in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

If you are inclined to help rectify these injustices: Twitterers, use the hashtag #FreeFayiz. We have organized a team to get these stories out. If you are interested in helping Fayiz out, e-mail me at The Political Carnival, address in sidebar to the right; or tweet me at @GottaLaff.

If you'd like to see other ways you can take action, go here and scroll down to the end of the article.

Then read Jane Mayer's book The Dark Side. You'll have a much greater understanding of why I post endlessly about this, and why I'm all over the CIA deception issues, too.

More of Fayiz's story here, at Answers.com.

H/t: DMiller23

Poll-itics: Sestak Tied With Specter in Pennsylvania

By GottaLaff

Go Joe Sestak! He and Arlen Specter are now tied at 43% each with 13% still undecided.

This probably had a little something to do with it:



Tying Specter to Boy Georgie and Barbie McLipSchmutz in one 30 second ad? Ouch.

Part of his Wiki:

--Sestak has a 100% rating from NARAL and has stated his support for Roe v. Wade.^[12]

--He is the only Pennsylvanian congressman to have a 100% rating from the League of Conservation Voters and PennEnvironment. He has also been endorsed by the Sierra Club. He voted for the Renewable Energy and Energy Conservation Tax Act of 2007 and the New Direction for Energy Independence, National Security and Consumer Protection Act. He was also an original co-sponsor of the Climate Stewardship Act (H.R. 620) and the Safe Climate Act.^[16]

--Sestak supports gun control and has a 100% rating from the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence ^[17] and an F rating from the National Rifle Association^[18]

Sestak has called for the reinstatement of the federal ban on assault weapons.^[19]

--Congressman Sestak is an original co-sponsor of the Employee Free Choice Act and supports the original version that includes card check. He created the Labor Advisory Committee to address the challenges facing working families in his district.^[22]

Win, baby, win.

Note to Readers: We're moving!

By GottaLaff

Here we go again, but this time it should "take" (if you recall, last time we crashed for 3 days). We'll be shifting over to WordPress overnight tonight, at the same URL (http://www.thepoliticalcarnival.net/), so no "address change" to worry about.

We have outgrown Blogger, which has blocked archive access to 15,000 of our posts (their limit is 5,000), and don't start me on tags.

Tags are important, because they are used to search for published posts. Without the ability to add tags (say, "Scott Brown" or "oil spill"), we can't group or search for posts the way we should to reference them when we need them. Yes, we can use Google, but Googling is often more time consuming, and I've found I sometimes can't dig up what I need that way.

The page set-up will be very similar to what we have now. You won't get lost or confused.

Some of the new options you'll find on the new and improved TPC are:

A separate page for Blunt webisodes with its own URL; a Contact Us page; an About page; an option to receive a TPC newsletter; an archives page, for as many as could be accesssed; pretty new colors.

The Comments will be switched from Disqus to WordPress. We'll see how that goes, but we've used that before, and it seems fine. No idea about registering or user names, etc., but we'll find out soon enough.

So there you have it.

If anything goes wrong this time, I will only be able to tweet updates on Twitter in the morning. I'll be on the road, in and out on Saturday and Sunday.

Paddy will be here to post, but the posting will most likely be lighter than usual until Monday. I'll post when I can.

We ask for your patience if/when there are any hiccups, but it should all go smoothly.

Welcome, in advance, to our new home.

Quote-O'-The-Day: Former FEMA Fool edition

By GottaLaff

Heckuva quote, Mary:

"He was a fool when he stepped off the plane in Louisiana 4½ years ago, and unfortunately for him, he apparently still is."

-- Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-LA), quoted by Politico, on the attempted comeback of former FEMA Director Michael Brown.

Many of us are still trying to figure out why he was allowed back on the Tee Vee Machine in the first place.

Bikini Graph, the sequel

By GottaLaff

I adore visuals. They're so easy to understand, even for the GOP:


The Bikini Graph is one of my favorites (and Rachel Maddow's).

Think Progress points out that today's numbers refute GOP talking points claiming that the stimulus created government jobs, but the private sector? Not so much. Well, GOP, about that? Not so much:

[T]he GOP should be pleased to note that, of the 290,000 jobs created in April, 231,000 of them were in the private sector. The private sector has actually added 523,000 new jobs in 2010.

This includes 44,000 manufacturing jobs, which is the most manufacturing jobs added to the U.S. economy since August, 1998. Overall, April was the strongest month for jobs growth since March, 2006. For the sake of comparison, here’s the change in monthly job loss or gain since December, 2007.

Sorry to burst your bubble.

Psst! GOP... The stimulus is working. It takes time, just as it took years to screw up the economy, it will take years to turn it around. Just as it will take decades to deal with the Gulf oil volcano. Just as it will take years to improve what's left of our health care system.

And guess what? It all moves along faster when you don't obstruct at every turn. Just an observation.

"Our famous prayer is that the Americans... get eliminated and they go home."

By GottaLaff

South Africa's police commissioner wants us to lose, get knocked right out of the World Cup. In the first round. In fact, they're praying we do. Aw.

But it's nothing personal, they're just concerned about security. If President Obama drops in, it will overwhelm them:

[General Bheki ] Cele said: "Our famous prayer is that the Americans don't make the second round. (That) They get eliminated and they go home."

South Africa's top policeman said he had provisional confirmation that 43 heads of state would go to the World Cup, and "those 43 will be equal to this one operation" if Obama made the trip.

No offense taken.

VIDEO- President Obama: Largest Monthly Job Increase In 4 years

By GottaLaff

If you missed this earlier, here you go:

I see racist people...

By GottaLaff

Look who's running for governor of Florida:

CPR chief Rick Scott was ousted as a hospital exec amid a 1990s fraud probe, and the memo will alarm pro-reform forces, because it shows that the anti-reform camp is beginning to sense that victory is within reach on their top goal: Killing the public option.

Oh, you already knew that? Did you know all this?

R Lynn's Wiki:

Richard Lynn "Rick" Scott (born 1953 in Bloomington, Illinois) announced his candidacy for Florida governor on April 13, 2010.^[1]

Scott is a healthcare industry executive and founder of Conservatives for Patients' Rights (CPR) which advertises against expanding the U.S. government's role in regulating the healthcare system but failed in its efforts to block healthcare reform.

Scott founded the Columbia Hospital Corporation in 1987. With Columbia HCA Chairman Thomas J. Frist, the brother of Senator Bill Frist, the company merged Columbia with Hospital Corporation of America in 1989 to form Columbia/HCA. Ten years later, Scott was ousted by the company's board of directors in the midst of the nation's biggest health care fraud scandal in which the company ultimately plead guilty to the nation's then largest Medicaid and Medicare fraud and paid a record fine of $1.7 billion dollars.^[2][3][4] In 2001, Scott co-founded the Solantic Corporation, which operates walk-in medical care centers. He also owns Continental Structural Plastics, North America's largest industrial composites molder. [...]

CPR opposes the broad outlines of President Obama's health-care plans, and has hired Creative Response Concepts, a public relations firm which previously worked with the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth.

Isn't he the bee's knees? The cat's pajamas?

The liver worst?

Now he can add "racial profiler" to his resume. Congratulations, Ricky Lynn, you've topped yourself:


H/t: LynCKos for the title and for alerting me to Scott's tweet.

Mid Day Distraction

Ned Lamont (D) Now Lead in Connecticut Governor Race

Not going to jinx it, but things are looking a wee bit good.

A new Rasmussen survey in Connecticut finds Ned Lamont (D) leading Thomas Foley (R) in the race for governor, 42% to 35%.

Dan Malloy (D), who is battling Lamont for the Democratic gubernatorial nomination, also edges Foley, 38% to 35%.

Just a month ago, both Democrats were running behind Foley.

Video- Pat Buchanan: April job numbers "unvarnished good news"

Hahahahahahaha.

“Woodstock” of tea parties planned Sept. 11 in western Iowa

Scum sucking pigs. I am so over these wankers, but trying to snag Woodstock for their cause?

An event described as the “Woodstock” of tea parties is planned for Sept. 11 at the Monona County Fairgrounds in Onawa in western Iowa.

Craig Halverson of Griswold, who is helping to organize the event, said supporters hope to attract at least 1,000 people from Iowa, Nebraska, South Dakota, Minnesota and other states. He said they are inviting prominent conservative speakers and plan to have bands perform patriotic music.

The event will have a “Take back our country” theme, Halverson said. Although the activities will occur on the ninth anniversary of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks on New York and Washington, he said organizers don’t plan to spend the day reflecting on those events.

Under "normal" circumstances, aren't these the people who would gripe about disrespecting 9/11 if liberals did this?

Video- Hannity and Tyrrell go after Scarborough as a "phony conservative" and "the worst"

Sweet. I love a catfight. Via Media Matters.

Signs Point to Kagan for Supreme Court

Bummer, I was rooting for Crenshaw.

Mike Allen: "Look for President Obama to name his Supreme Court pick Monday, and look for it to be Solicitor General Elena Kagan, a former Harvard Law dean. The pick isn't official, but top White House aides will be shocked if it's otherwise. Kagan's relative youth (50) is a huge asset for the lifetime post. And President Obama considers her to be a persuasive, fearless advocate who would serve as an intellectual counterweight to Chief Justice Roberts and Justice Scalia, and could lure swing Justice Kennedy into some coalitions The West Wing may leak the pick to AP's Ben Feller on the later side Sunday, then confirm it for others for morning editions."

Cartoon of the Day

Click to enlarge, via.