BREAKING-- Oil Volcano "Triggered By Safety failures"

By GottaLaff

Via a Yahoo e-mail alert:

ON THE GULF OF MEXICO (AP) Documents: Oil rig's deadly blast triggered by methane gas bubble, series of safety failures.

Confirming what we already suspected. Hey BP, how does it feel to be responsible for Big Oil's Katrina?

More details when they come in.

Graph-ick! Glenn Beck's ratings go south

By GottaLaff

Read it and weep, Beck:

How could this be? A ratings decline? For Mr. Poopular? But... Glenn Blech is so, so... train wrecky. And you know how everyone loves to crane their necks to catch a glimpse of a good wreck:

Based on the Nielsen numbers, here's a look at Beck's average daily rating over the last month. [...]

You'll note that aside from a temporary spike that came on March 22, the Monday after the historic health care vote, Glenn Beck has spent the last four weeks with between 2.5 million and 2.0 million viewers, which represents a downward trend.

Gee, I can't imagine why viewers would stray from such a fine role model for their kiddies.

I wonder if my pal StopBeck has made an impact. I'm leaning yes.

Media Matters has more wholesome goodness here.

Discovery Channel Insider: Sarah Palin's Show "New All Time Low", rolled eyes

By GottaLaff

Somebody pinch me. Reality is starting to become... a reality. First the Tea Tantrumers shoo away Orly Taitz like the annoying little gnat she is, and now the Discovery channel ad buyers call out Bendy McFlexStraw's new reality show for what it is: a bad joke.

Discovery had the ad buyers in for their yearly sales conference. That's when they showcased their new shows, including Sarah Palin's Alaska.

Maybe they should think about doing a reality show about reality, because hey, it's a concept that's just novel enough to sell. Cenk has the scoop:

Our source says "the whole thing [was] comical." Apparently the ad buyers were not impressed. This Discovery insider said, "When the promo was over, people (employees and buyers) were rolling their eyes, snickering, and even laughing. People were laughing and it's not even a comedy. No one took it seriously."

This person was concerned that given the lack of interest from ad buyers that Discovery would have to dump the show to "a crappy time slot" to cut its losses. They added, "Bottom line everyone thought it was a new all time low for Discovery. My guess is the show is going to tank big time."

Sounds like it has already. And Bendy's pulling in a cool 250 grand per episode for the snickerfest. But at least she can see First National Bank of Alaska from her house.

Cenk makes a great point:

Many people would argue that Palin did great ecological damage to Alaska and would like to do more by drilling all over it. So, getting her to host a show about the natural beauty of Alaska is a bit like getting Jeffrey Dahmer to host a cooking show for the Food Network.

Dahmer would have probably gotten better ratings.

H/t: 42bkdodgr

PhotOh! What if you gave a tea party and nobody came?

By GottaLaff

Here [is a] picture from the Tennessee Tea Party visit to the Capitol this morning. They were taken during the right wing extremist red-meat speeches given by Lt. Governor Ron Ramsey (R-Blountville) and Senator Mae Beavers (R-Mt. Juliet), two of the Co-Prime Sponsors of the Tennessee Health Freedom Act.

Go here for more.

Considering all the press they get, the tea baggers sure are a roaring success, huh?

H/t: Lensman23

Code Red = Code Blue: Tea party rally falls flat

By GottaLaff

(click on image to enlarge)

Big surprise, huh? Tens of... tens show up at the big Code Red "Surge" Rally:

It looked like a mini-rally; a particularly well-organized group pushing some obscure, but popular, cause -- say, a limited ban on slaughtering ugly puppies -- might have been pleased with the turnout. There couldn't have been more than 1,000 people there at the beginning of the event.

Or as ClusterFox would say, millions.

But I like what the DNC has to say more:

The Democratic National Committee decided, based on their own informal headcount, that there were only 300 people at the rally. Spokesman Hari Sevugan sent out a list of "12 things that have had more than 300 people attend/participate in," including "any flight to Las Vegas," "a New Jersey Nets home game," and "screenings of 'Gigli'."

Oh, suh-nap!

Code Red Tea Tantrum: The Gigli of political rallies.

VIDEO distraction: Fox's Geraldo Rivera's EpicFall.. into "filthy" water

By GottaLaff

Vintage ClusterFox hurricane coverage in action:



"I'm gonna be a star on YouTube now."

Yup.

Tea Partiers: The one year anniversary

By GottaLaff

It's been a year since the Tea Tantrumers started their whining, and in that year we've witnessed the birth of:

• Laughably ridiculous attire
• Laughably ridiculous branding
  
• Laughably ridiculous naivete about the usage of the term "Tea Bag"
  
• Rampant hostility
• A stunning array of misinformation
• More media coddling and shameless promotion than usual
  
• Illiterate, vulgar, racist signage
• Disturbing public gun-toting swaggertude
• Corporate ownership of a so-called "grassroots movement"
• Outright lies
• An overwhelming number of white faces at rallies
• Cacophonic outshouting of reasonable speakers who wish to actually communicate at town hall meetings
• Loutish Tea Tantruming politicians who don't seem to grasp the meaning of democracy or the U.S. Constitution
• Half-governors who can't decide whether the GOP should "absorb" the Tea Tantrumers like a big Sham Wow, or whether the Tea Tantrumers should take over the GOP
• Epic humiliation
  
• ... and unsuspecting members who don't realize they're being exploited and will be discarded like yesterday's shriveled old used tea bags:

Tea Party organizers say hundreds of events, ranging from protests, rallies, candidate forums, grassroots training seminars, and even movie screenings of a Tea Party documentary, are expected to be held nationwide.

Tea Party activists trace the birth of their movement to a couple of anti-stimulus protests across the country in mid-February of last year. Those small demonstrations were followed days later by business news correspondent Rick Santelli’s televised rant on February 19, 2009 about the federal government’s Wall Street bailout. Santelli's outburst inspired anti-big government activists to hold Tea Party protests across the country 8 days later. [...]

As the movement has grown, tensions have been rising among various Tea Party groups. Rival factions are battling over who will carry the movement’s banner, and others worry that powerful groups are "astroturfing" what they think should remain a grassroots group. [...]

Activists in the Tea Party movement tend to be male, rural, upscale, and overwhelmingly conservative, according to a recent national poll. [...] Tea Partiers GOP leanings, the poll suggests, may pose a problem for the Tea Party movement if it tries to turn itself into a third party to compete with the two major parties in this year's general election.

All the ingredients for not-success.

Happy birthday. Enjoy your cake.

Tea Party tries to unload Ziegler's unsold Palin DVDs

By GottaLaff

It seems Ziegler had a few thousand DVDs left over. Marketing troubles, John?

Guess nobody believes that he has the "real story" after all. Or cares.

Who's John Ziegler? Why, he's this guy:



Via an e-mail, we see that Ziegler tries to dump his leftovers into the waste receptacle of choice:

A message to all members of Tea Party Nation

Conservative documentary filmmaker John Ziegler has created "Media Malpractice... How Obama Got Elected and Palin Was Targeted," which tells the real story of the 2008 election and its aftermath. The film features an exclusive, news-making interview with Governor Sarah Palin from her home in Wasilla (the uncut version of which is a special feature on the "Media Malpractice" DVD).

John has appeared on the Today Show, The View, The O'Reilly Factor, Glenn Beck, Hannity, Greta, CNN, MSNBC and many other outlets and created quite a stir in his quest to correct the historical record with regard to how the new media influenced the election of Barack Obama and the destruction of Sarah Palin's candidacy.

"Media Malpractice" has ben called an "Absolute Must-See!" by the Media Research Center. You can hear Sarah Palin herself praise the film by clicking here and listen to Rush Limbaugh do the same here.

Now, as a member of Tea Party Nation you can get your own copy of this highly informative and entertaining DVD (which includes the famous "Obama Voter Video" as a special feature) for the incredibly low price of just $7, plus shipping.

Even better than the low price is that for each DVD you purchase, $2 will go directly to the Tea Party Nation! It's a perfect win-win for conservatives.

Remember - use the discount code TPN to get this DVD at a special discount - and in doing so you'll ensure a donation is made to Tea Party Nation!

Look kids! A special Palin family bonus!

Levi Johnston has been ordered to pay nearly $18,000 in back child support ... TMZ has learned.

Mired in muck, all of them.

PhotOh! CNN Fail

By GottaLaff

Via socratic, who has provided wonderful visual enhancement to my Church of Tiger Woods post:

(click on image to enlarge)

H/t: DCPlod

Sarah Palin mocks that ‘little Twittering thing’ in front of a sparse audience

By GottaLaff


Once again TwitWit McFacebook shares her flare for hypocrisy and all around moronitude. First, after speaking at the Tea Tantrum Convention, she comes out against a formal third Party-O'-Tea. Then she mocks Twitter, something she has used to impart her pearls of wisdom regularly:

When she was asked what she believed was the number one threat to America today, several audience members shouted, "Obama!"

Arkansas Republican Party Chairman Doyle Webb, who moderated the Q&A session, responded by adding, "Besides Obama."

Palin then chimed in as many in the crowd laughed.

"See, they said that, I didn’t," she said. "Just you watch now, too, because somebody will be here with their little Twittering thing, and it’s going to be on the Internet any minute now."

Isn't she the adorablest little babbling thing?

And she did all this and more in yet of another arena full of empty seats that she failed to fill:

[F]ewer than half the seats “in the lower bowl were occupied, and the entire upper level was shrouded by black drapes.” In the hours before the Palin event, “the Arkansas GOP was advertising on its web site a heavily discounted ‘$20 ticket special.’”

Bummer. Good thing there's no video of that. As I recall, there was a media blackout... again.

She also seemed to back of a 2012 run. Gee, it couldn't be because she's dug herself into multiple holes lately, could it?

Then NoSeats McCheapTix put a damper on a third party comprised of Tea Baggers:

"Now the smart thing will be for independents who are such a part of this Tea Party movement to, I guess, kind of start picking a party," Palin said. "Which party reflects how that smaller, smarter government steps to be taken? Which party will best fit you? And then because the Tea Party movement is not a party, and we have a two-party system, they’re going to have to pick a party and run one or the other: ‘R’ or ‘D’."

I betcha the Tea Tantrumers who believed in her at the Big Convention didn't like that little nugget.

When she wasn't busy building yet another shrine to Saint Ronnie of Reagan, she answered some questions. Pre-screened ones. I wonder if the color of her Sharpie hand-scribbles matched her outfit:

Palin used her 45-minute speech and the Q&A session that featured pre-selected questions from the crowd to sound off on everything from what she called the "snake-oil science" of global warming to politicians who are "addicted to ‘O-P-M’-other people's money."

My, but she's got a razor (half) wit!

She really needs to quit-- again-- while she's behind.

Take the poll: Do you believe Palin is qualified to be president?

By GottaLaff

I took this screen grab when I voted several minutes ago:



Here's where you go. You know what to do.

H/t: Basadd

Palin's debut as a motivational speaker: Houston attendees rate her a 'Fail'

By GottaLaff

David Niewert over at Crooks and Liars has something special for us today. Everyone close your eyes and open your hands:

But no one told attendees that Palin would be speaking at 8 a.m., so bitterly disappointed fans standing in line at 10:30 a.m. weren't happy.

That's okay. PayMe McWordSalad got what she needed: Money.

Let's take a looksee at some of the reviews. We all know what a charismatic speaker she is... as long as she has both hands visible for reading crib notes, that is.

Alrighty then, Reviewer Number One on LikeMe McBigBucks' fancy Motivational Speakin':

"I wasn't motivated" one man said to me in the elevator as I left the speech, "she sounded un-prepared and erratic and focused an awful lot on her script."

What?! She used a script?! I thought she frowned on people who rely on prepared text. I'm shocked! Shocked, I tells ya!

Let's hear another review from a devoted fan:

"She already gave her speech?!" One man exclaimed in the lobby after arriving minutes too late [...]

Everybody's a critic.

Well at least she showed her impressive storytelling ability, right?

The speech itself seemed more like a sermon, Sarah frequently attributed "God" and "Jesus Christ" to lifting her out of despair. She gave several long rambling examples of tough times in Alaska, during which she would occasionally lose her footing and immediately jump to praising the state for it's beauty.

Or not.

As I gazed around the audience from my VIP seat - just feet away from the stage - I had the impression that most of those sitting near me were insulted.

Way to motivate, Speaky.

Okay, just to be fair, let's hear from one final attendee. Your review, sir?

As she left one man with a thick country drawl leaned over to me and said "you know, she's not that impressive in person."

Three thumbs down. PalinFail.

H/t: Pigboy

VIDEO: Armey will not attend Tea Party convention

By GottaLaff

First Michele Bachmann dropped out, now Dickle Me Armey. The Tea Tantrumers are split wider than Boss Limpdong's pants when he leans over to grab his... dropped pocket change:



"We had our hearts elevated"? There goes their insurance coverage.

TeaFail: Bachmann Pulls Out of Tea Party Convention

By GottaLaff

Oh noes! First SchmutzLip McCan'tSpeak can't fill a room, and now this!

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) "has become the latest high-profile conservative to bag the rapidly unraveling Tea Party Convention in Nashville next week," the Minneapolis Star Tribune reports.

"Bachmann's office cited the same concerns that other Tea Party activists have voiced about the first-of-its-kind national gathering: namely, the for-profit model of organizer Judson Phillips, a self-described 'small town lawyer' with a history of financial problems."

Checkmate, Tea Bag Queens.

Perhaps if they renamed it the TeaFail Convention.

UPDATE: Add Tennessee Rep. Marsha Blackburn to the list.

Shallow Thoughts: Bite me, BushCo edition

By GottaLaff

Today's Shallow Thought:

Under President Obama's watch, a terrorist attack was prevented. Under Bush's, a terrorist attack succeeded. So far, Obama has kept America safe. Bush didn't. Yet BushCo continues to criticize Obama.

Conclusion: Bush and Cheney let the terrorists win. Epic fail. Bite me, BushCo.

That was today's Shallow Thought. Thank you for wading in.

VIDEO: Keith Olbermann's Special Comment blasting health care reform

By GottaLaff

Once again, Keith was passionate, fiery, and hoping to make a difference:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Keith Olbermann's powerful opening remarks

By GottaLaff

Wow. Countdown opened with a bang. I jotted down a few words of Keith's opening comments:

"This was the most unmitigated defeat without a war... All is over... Abandoned... Broken... as health care reform recedes into the darkness... This is only the beginning"

He was somewhat apologetic before he let loose. His demeanor was somber, sad, bitter, and a little defiant. Many on Twitter were feeling the same way.

I'll try to get a clip up later if I'm still at the computer.

UPDATE- He just added this:

"One of the sorriest episodes in American history."

VIDEO- Countdown: Glenn Beck Epic Fail

By GottaLaff

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Oh, just watch. Keith says it all.

Glenn Beck’s ‘Christmas Sweater’ flops in major cities, 17 tickets sold in New York, Boston

By GottaLaff

(Weenie Mobile)

Glenn Blech is not someone I usually post about, that's Paddy's department. However, there are exceptions to everything, and this is such a lovely one:

Last night, Fox News host Glenn Beck premiered his new live show based on his book The Christmas Sweater, which was simulcast to hundreds of movie theaters across the country.

Here comes the good part. Prepare yourselves for BlechFail in 5...4...3...2...:

Despite heavy promotion on Beck’s radio and TV shows, and in-theater trailers, ticket sales were weak in major cities: Beck sold only 17 tickets in Boston, another 17 in New York, and just 30 in Washington, DC. [...]

While it performed better in the south and in rural, more conservative areas, his ability to draw viewers in major US markets was a bust.

“The theater’s almost empty,” a representative at Regal Cinemas in Manhattan told Raw Story moments before it began.

The viewing in Lynnwood, WA — the closest one to Beck’s Mount Vernon hometown — sold out several hours before the show began. Ten miles south, 70 out of 415 seats had been snagged in Seattle, a better turnout than other cities.

All together now: Awwww.

Blogger Joseph Childers reports that the production value looked “cheap,” and “the bulk of the evening consists solely of Glenn Beck acting out every role in his hokey story, with only his limited repertoire of accents and pantomime filling out the ‘cast’.”

Couldn't happen to a schmuckier, more despicable guy. May his lack of success and total humiliation continue. Merry freakin' War on Christmas, Glenn.

"Sarah Palin has one of the lamest online efforts of any national political figure.”

By GottaLaff

"Lacking" seems to be a key word on so many levels when describing Barbie McLipSchmutz:

[...] [S]everal GOP new-media strategists believe she has significant room for improvement when it comes to her web presence. [...]

[S]ome Republican new-media strategists are questioning whether or not her online effort can convert the energy and enthusiasm surrounding her tour into political action.

"Significant room for improvement" is such an understatement, and I'm not talkin' web presence here. I've rarely witnessed such a vast need for improvement. If there were a contest for that, Barbie would win.

Florida-based Republican new-media consultant Jordan Raynor has a thing or two to say about this:

But Raynor, who claimed to be an “agnostic” regarding Palin, said that she has struggled to make a mark on web platforms other than Facebook.

"What I don't like about as far as an online strategy is that she puts most of her eggs in the Facebook basket. She should be extending her online cachet into other strategy,” he said.

Raynor and other consultants claim that her e-mail list of supporters could be larger considering her political celebrity.

Maybe she quit in the middle of making an e-mail list. She's been known to do that.

Others, such as Alabama-based GOP new-media consultant Jeff Vreeland, lamented Palin’s decision to create a new Twitter account instead of changing the name of her gubernatorial account to keep her follower base of over 150,000, though it’s not clear that she was allowed to keep her old one.

“It was just a complete failure for the people who support her,” Vreeland, who said he “still [has] questions” about Palin before he could consider voting for her should she run for office.

Here's my favorite quote of the article:

Senate Republican Conference online communications director Sean Hackbarth lobbed this charge at Palin’s online presence this week: “I'm sorry, Sarah #Palin has one of the lamest online efforts of any national political figure.”

Let's see now. So far we have "lame", "significant room for improvement", "lacking", and "failure". Now that's what I call accurate reporting.

Let's see if we can find one final quote to end on. Why, here's one now!

Soren Dayton, a new-media consultant who has worked on Capitol Hill and on Sen. John McCain’s presidential campaign:

"She not converting her online energy for anything other than book sales right now”

And the All About Me Tour continues...