From the "I Knew That Dep't": Justice Improperly Screened for Political Ties

By GottaLaff

Tell us something we don't know:

Justice Department officials improperly used political and ideological factors to screen applicants for the agency's prestigious honors and summer intern programs, sometimes rejecting otherwise qualified candidates because of their ties to Democrats, internal auditors said in a report issued this morning.

The long awaited review faulted Bush administration officials for violating Justice Department policy and civil service rules beginning in 2002, when they tried to fill career posts with rookie lawyers whose political affiliations mirrored their own.

Justice Official: Who do you like better, President Bush or Al Gore?

Applicant #1: Um, Al Gore?

Justice: I'm sorry, what? What did you just say?

Applicant #1: President Bush. I said, President Bush!

Justice: Too late. You blew it. No job for you! Next!

Two members of the screening committee in 2006, Esther Slater McDonald, an adviser to the associate attorney general, and Michael J. Elston, chief of staff to the deputy attorney general, considered political and ideological factors when rejecting candidates "and thereby committed misconduct," the investigators said. [Via TPM: The IG report found Michael Elston and another DOJ official "violated federal law" by deselecting candidates based on their liberal affiliations.]

Applicant #1: What are you writing on my application?

McDonald allegedly wrote "disparaging" remarks about job seekers' liberal ties on their applications, and Elston allegedly failed to take action when the problems were brought to his attention by another concerned member of the hiring panel, according to the report.

Justice: Nothing. I'm writing nothing. Now get out. Next!

Applicant #2: Hi! I'm a huge Cheney fan!

Justice: You're hired.