By GottaLaff
"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!
Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law (F.I.L.). For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
Finally, some good news on Wall Street. The Stock market went up for the third straight week. Investors were so happy they were jumping INTO windows...On-line day-traders were jumping INTO Windows XP.Ohhh, ouch. Say good-night, F.I.L. Good-night, F.I.L.
PRESIDENT OBAMA was on "60 minutes" last week. After the show JOE BIDEN called STEVE CROFT and asked, "Wow, what was it like to talk to the President?"
The PRESIDENT also held his second prime time press conference this week. He spent the first half defending the economy, and the second half defending his decision to pre-empt "American Idol."
The PRESIDENT got a little testy at his press conference when he was asked why he waited three days to speak out against the AIG bonuses. PRESIDENT OBAMA said he likes to know what he's talking about before he speaks. So, yet another reversal of the BUSH policies.
PRESIDENT OBAMA was everywhere last week. Sunday night, "60 Minutes," Tuesday night, a prime time press conference. On Thursday night he was on "American Idol" trying to sell his economic plan to SIMON COWELL.
Equipment company CATERPILLAR announced over 2000 new layoffs in five US plants to cut costs. One worker was so despondent, he threw himself into the XEROX machine. Poor devil, they found 150 copies of his body all over the floor.
There was another bank failure in New York this week. They still had plenty of money, but they ran out of calendars.
Former Treasury Secretary HENRY PAULSON is writing a book about his role in the BUSH administration during the economic crisis. For some strange reason the book starts on Chapter 11.
MICHELLE OBAMA is planting a vegetable garden at the White House, out where the Rose Garden is. When she was out there digging it up she found three of DICK CHENEY'S old hunting buddies.
We spilled 25,000 barrels of oil into the Strait of Hormuz, in Iraq when a U.S. Navy server ship collided with a submarine. The oil spill was so bad they now have to change the ocean every three thousand waves.
There was so much oil in the water, a guy was seen fishing with a dipstick.
One oil-soaked seagull was heard saying to another oil-soaked seagull, "I begged you to spend another week in Saint Tropez, but nooooooo."
A new movie is in the works about HILLARY CLINTON starring JULIANNE MOORE. They're conducting a nationwide talent search for the part of MONICA LEWINSKY, which should give new meaning to the words "Cattle Call."
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