"Last Blog Standing" starts riiight....now!
Yes, it's time to steal a few more jokes from my father-in-law. For those of you who might be new here, he used to write for Alan King, Milton Berle and Jonathan Winters, just to name a few. And all those Dean Martin Roasts, too: Don Rickles, Red Buttons, Phyllis Diller, Sammy Davis, Jr., etc.
A tiny respite from all the frustrating events of the day:
Monday is PRESIDENTS DAY. Legend has it GEORGE WASHINGTON threw a silver dollar across the Potomac. To commemorate the event, this week Congress did the same with $800 Billion.F.I.L. wins Best in Blog!
On PRESIDENTS DAY we observe the birthdays of GEORGE WASHINGTON and ABRAHAM LINCOLN. What better way could we find to show our undying respect and adoration for two of the country's greatest leaders than a giant tube-sock and mattress sale at WalMart.
Congress passed the stimulus bill just in time. There's discouraging news everywhere. Unemployment is high, the foreclosure rate is high, MICHAEL PHELPS is high.
Elevator music producer, MUZAK, has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy...Finally, some GOOD economic news.
The White House reports PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA has relaxed the dress code in the Oval Office by NOT wearing a jacket. He's the first President to do that, that is if you don't count BILL CLINTON, who didn't wear his pants.
So much rain was dumped on Los Angeles this week, "The Hollywood Bowl" is now the world's largest Zitz Bath.
Record breaking waves hit Malibu homes, but luckily they were able to re-route the flood waters through the maid's quarters.
There was a flash flood on Hollywood Boulevard which is strange because Hollywood Boulevard is usually flooded by flashers.
There was so much water in the streets of Beverly Hills, two MERCEDES got the BENZ.
NEIMAN floated away from MARCUS and SAKS is now on THIRD AVENUE.
They should have known it was going to be a rainy week when they saw people going into GUCCI two by two.
ALEX RODRIGUEZ admitted, in 2003 he tested positive for steroids. Not only that, but while dating Madonna, A-Rod also tested positive for Cialis, Viagra, and Prozac.
This week at the WESTMINSTER KENNEL CLUB'S 133rd show, dogs were judged by appearance, their silky coat and their firm hindquarters. It's also how JOHN McCAIN picked SARAH PALIN as his running mate.
They had some scandal at the show. A JACK RUSSELL TERRIER had to drop out because of tax problems.
There were also rumors of steroid use. They found a CHIHUAHUA with an 18-inch neck.
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